Xander Crews quotes from Frisky Dingo

Xander

Hey! Tone, of Voice

Xander

Watley, take the damn ant-farm keyboards to the dump. Oh, and that radioactive waste can also go.

Xander

It's gone! It's all gone! The billionaire money is gone, the superhero stuff and the X-tacle fighting force is also gone, and the girlfriend is gone, and even the nerds now are gone, and I got nobody to help me! Might as well be David Arquette!

Xander

You mean I'm not a billionaire anymore? How does this impact Train Island?!

Xander

Yeah, have fun getting the shit stomped outta you by the Xtacles when I go back to my house to get my Awesome X gear from that hooker who was living there the last time I... [check blows into his face] ...checked.

Xander

Apparently, it's been here the whole time...SUCKERS!!

Xander

You are like a bad penny.

Xander

I should have a tuxedo there. [Cut to Xander in front of mansion, wearing tuxedo t-shirt] ...or this poly-cotton suckfest!

Xander

[last words to Ronnie] Stay gold, Pony Boy.

Xander

No wonder he loves cock...ney accents! (hums the opening bars of "Rule, Britannia!")

It's time you learned how to run a business, and the first thing you're gonna do is fire the Xtacles.

Xander

But the Xtacles are the backbone of the Awesome-X fighting force.

They're also a $5 million annual drain on the company's bottom line.

Xander

Is that all you care about, the bottom line?

Yes.

Xander

Well, unless we all of a sudden lose $5 million somehow, I'm not firing my dogs... and I have to go ride in my limo.

Grace

[opens door] What are you doing here?

Xander

[has put on the Awesome-X mask] Xan-uh, Billy- Xander Crews said I could use his place for this...

Grace

He-

Xander

...hooker.

Grace

You know him?

Xander

We went to college together - no we didn't - get out of here. He will meet you at your place in an hour.

Oh my God

Xander

I did not mean for her to see this

Xander Crews

Xander

Lets go back to the big black thing.

You're Awesome-X!

Five million dollars?!

Xander

Well, I had to pay her off. I can't have some blabbity-mouth hooker running around with my secret identity! That's the first thing they teach you.

Nobody cares about your secret identity!

Xander

It's to protect my loved ones.

You don't have any loved ones!

Xander

[gasp] Stan!

What, who? That girlfriend you treat like dirt? Your murdered parents?

And you can say good-bye to the X-tacles.

Xander

Wh--What?

What what? You just spent their entire salary for the year.

Xander

See, I knew you were going to trick me into doing this!

Me?! You're the one who paid five million dollars for a blowjob!

Xander

I...it was a half-and-half, first of all; second of all...okay I'm going.

Xander

...but the Crew Company funds the entire Awesome X operation. So, you know, take it up with Xander Crews.

Let's kill that son of a bitch!

Yeah!

Xander

No, no, let's don't--he's a good guy. We don't kill good guys. We kill bad guys, come on. It's in our charter

So, what's up with our 401(k)?

What--that's my nest egg! We're still gonna have health insurance, right?

Oh my God! Health insurance, I need that.

What?!

Are we at least eligible for COBRA?

Xander

What, the little... the G. I. Joe dolls?

No, not the G. I. Joe dolls.

Xander

I don't care what "Boys from Brazil" thing you got going on in there, but I'm still the boss in here. And we're making Awesome-X dolls, and they're gonna kick so much ass, you'll probably go blind. And if you still have a problem with that, there's the big-ass door.

You're not going to sell doll one without a villain, you ninny--a Cobra to your G. I. Joe; a Stretch Monster to your Stretch Armstrong; a Decepticon to your Autobot!