Rachel Green quotes from Friends

Ross

Is Emma awake yet?

Rachel

It's still nap time. She'll be up soon.

Ross

Where's Joey?

Rachel

I said, it's still nap time.

Ross

There's Uncle Joey! Say something to Emma for her 18th birthday!

Joey

[starts to turn on his charm for the camera] 18, huh?

Ross

[switches off the camera] NO!

Joey

It's for her hot friends!

Ross

When they see this you'll be 52!

Joey

And starting to think about settling down!

Rachel

Ross, don't forget to take a shot of Emma's cake. It's in a box in the fridge.

Ross

Sure.

Rachel

[to Monica] You're going to love this cake! I got from from a bakery in New Jersey, Carino's!

Monica

That place has the creamiest frosting! I used to hitchhike there when I was a kid!

Rachel

Well, they make make these great novelty cakes in different shapes; and if you give them a photo, they'll copy it in icing!

Monica

Did you do a picture of Emma?

Rachel

On a cake shaped like a bunny!

Ross

Does this bakery by any chance bake erotic cakes, for bachelorette parties?

Rachel

What are you talking? -OH, MY...! They put my baby's face on a penis!

Phoebe

Now it's a party!

Rachel

This is not funny! If I wanted this cake to be a disaster, I would have baked it myself!

Joey

Is it okay that I still think it looks delicious?

Judy

Jack, look at this!

Jack

I know what you're thinking! The resemblance is uncanny!

Ross

[angry] I am THIS close to tugging on my testicles again!!

Rachel

[on the phone] No, this is NOT what I ordered! I drove to New Jersey to get my daughter a cake for her birthday and I need a bunny cake right now!

Ross

Ask them if it would be faster to cut the baby's face off the penis and put it on the bunny. [to himself] That is a weird sentence.

Rachel

[on the phone with the bakery] Oh, believe you me, I am going to bring this cake back. I don't even want it in my home... JOEY, DON'T TOUCH IT!

Joey

I'm so confused!

Rachel

I still want my daughter's face on a cake, but a bunny cake! Yellow cake, chocolate frosting with nuts!

Chandler

To be fair, this one does have nuts.

Monica

Did you at least get the pies?

Phoebe

Pies!?! We thought you said prize!

Monica

Grand Supreme Little Darling?

Rachel

Con-grat-u-la-tions!!!

Phoebe

So Joey's out with my friend the other night and she reaches over and takes some of his fries...

Rachel

Oh, no.

Phoebe

You know about the plate thing?

Rachel

Oh, yeah. Joey doesn't share food. I mean just, just lask week we were having breakfast and he had a couple grapes on his plate.

Phoebe

[to Joey] You wouldn't let her have a grape?

Rachel

Oh, no, not me. Emma.

Joey

JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD.

Monica

Mmmm...this cake is amazing!

Rachel

[repulsed] Get a room!

Monica

I would get a room with this cake. I could show this cake a good time!

Phoebe

If you had to, what would you give up? Food or sex?

Monica

[quickly] Sex.

Chandler

[unimpressed] Seriously, answer faster!

Monica

I'm sorry! When she said sex I wasn't thinking about sex with you!

Chandler

[still feeling hurt] It's like a giant hug!

Phoebe

Ross, how about you? Which would you give up? Sex or food?

Ross

[quickly] Food!

Phoebe

How about sex or dinosaurs?

Ross

[in a state of uncertainty] My...! It's like Sophie's Choice!

Rachel

What about you Joe? What would you give up? Sex or food?

Joey

[after thinking] I don't know, it's too hard!

Rachel

No, you have to pick one!

Joey

[quickly] Food! No, sex! Food! Sex! Food! Sex...I don't know, I want both! I want girls on bread!

Ross

We think Chandler might be having an affair.

Monica

What?

Rachel

Phoebe and I saw Chandler with a blonde woman today outside on the street, and then we followed them to a house in Westchester.

Phoebe

They went in together. I'm so sorry.

Monica

Oh, my... oh, my, that's awful... What did you think of the house?

Phoebe

What?

Joey

Monica, you understand what we're saying, right?

Monica

Yeah... sure... I'm... devastated, obviously!... Did you think the neighborhood was homey?

Chandler

Hey!

Joey

You son of a bitch.

Chandler

Is it me, or have the greetings really gone downhill around here?

Rachel

In the future, when a girl asks for some ill-advised sympathy sex, just do it!

Ross

You're mad at me about last night? I was trying to do the right thing!

Rachel

Really? Well, if you had done the right thing, I would not have woken up today feeling stupid and embarrassed. I would have woken up feeling comforted and satisfied!

Ross

Well...

Rachel

Stop that!!

Ross

I can't believe this! I was being a good guy! I treated you with respect and understanding!

Rachel

[sarcastically] That's so hot!

Ross

I was looking out for you!

Rachel

I am a big girl! I don't need someone telling what's best for me!

Ross

I've got to say, I've not had sex a lot of times before; this is the worst ever!

Rachel

It wasn't very good for me, either!

Rachel

[to the nurse] Excuse me, I'm here to see my father. My name is Rachel Green.

Ross

And I'm Dr. Ross Geller.

Rachel

[turns to face Ross] Ross, please. This is a hospital, OK? That actually means something here.

Ross

I don't get a goodbye?

Rachel

What?

Ross

Everyone gets a goodbye but me? What've I got to do to get a goodbye? Be best friends with you? Go out with you? Have a baby with you? Oh wait a minute, wait a minute, I did all those things!

Rachel

You really think I didn't say goodbye to you because I don't care?

Ross

That's what it seemed like.

Rachel

I cannot believe that after ten years you do not know one thing about me!

Ross

Fine. Then why didn't you say something?

Rachel

Because it is too damn hard, Ross! I can't even begin to explain to you how much I am going to miss you. When I think about not seeing you every day, it makes me not want to go. Okay? So if you think I didn't say goodbye to you because you don't mean as much to me as everybody else, you're wrong. It's because you mean more to me. So there, all right? There's your goodbye.

Rachel

[crying, barely understandable] I don't know what I'm going to do without you!

Monica

[crying, barely understandable] You're the greatest friend I ever had.

Rachel

[crying, barely understandable] I'm gonna miss seeing you everyday!

Monica

[crying] What?

Rachel

[crying, barely understandable] I...I...I... I'm gonna miss seeing you everyday!

Monica

[crying, barely understandable] That is so sweet! [they hug]

Joey

Let's play one more time, okay? And remember if I win, you do not move to Paris.

Rachel

Okay, can't believe I'm risking this again, but you are on! Alright Joey you remember the rules, heads I win tails you lose!

Joey

Just flip!

Rachel

Ah! Tails!

Joey

Damn it!

Rachel

Chick and the duck? Didn't they die--

Phoebe

--Dive. Yeah, they dove headfirst into fun on the farm.

Rachel

[Rachel's cell phone rings] Hello?

Phoebe

Rachel! Oh good! Hey, by the way, did you just get on the plane?

Rachel

Yeah.

Phoebe

[to Ross:] For what it's worth, we would've caught her if we were at the right airport.

Ross

[sarcastically] Yay...

Phoebe

Uh, Rach, hang on. [Phoebe holds out her phone to Ross, but he refuses to talk and repeatedly mouths "No!"]

Rachel

Phoebe, is everything okay?

Phoebe

Um... actually, no. No, y-you have to get off the plane.

Rachel

What, why?

Phoebe

I have this feeling that something's wrong with it. Something is wrong with the left phalange.

Um, ahem, what was that?

Rachel

Oh! That was just my crazy friend. She told me I should get off the plane because she had a "feeling" that there was something wrong with the "left phalange".

Okay, uh, that doesn't sound good.

Rachel

Oh, I wouldn't worry about it. She's always coming up with stuff like this and you know what? She's almost never right.

But she is sometimes?

Rachel

Well?

Excuse me, sir? Where you going?

Okay, I have to off this plane, okay? Uh, her friend has a feeling something's wrong with the left phalange.

Rachel

[to flight attendant] Could I get some peanuts?

What's wrong with the plane?

There's nothing wrong with the plane...

The left phalange.

There's no phalange!

Oh my...! This plane doesn't even have a phalange!

Well I'm not flying on it.

Ma'am, please sit down!

What's going on?!

We're all getting off, there is no phalange!

Rachel

Ah! This is ridiculous! I-- [she sees the passengers leave the plane and decides to leave as well] Yeah, okay.

Rachel

Ross? Hi, it's me. I just got back on the plane and I just feel awful. That is so not how I wanted things to end with us. It's just that I... wasn't expecting to see you and then all of the sudden, you're there and saying these things and... now I'm just sitting here and thinking of all the stuff I should have said and I didn't. I mean, I didn't even get to tell you that I love you too. Because of course I do. I love you... I love you... I love you... what am I doing? I love you. Oh, I've gotta see you. I've gotta get off this plane.

Ross

Oh, my god!

Rachel

[to flight attendant] Okay, e-excuse me--

Ma'am, please sit down!

Rachel

No, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, but I need to get off the plane, okay? I needed to tell someone that I love them.

Ma'am, I can't let you off the plane.

Ross

[listening to the conversation] Let her off the plane!!

I am afraid you are gonna have to take a seat.

Rachel

Oh, please miss, you don't understand!

Ross

Try to understand!!

Rachel

Oh, come on, miss, isn't there any way that you could just let me off the-- [the message cuts before Rachel finishes her sentence]

Ross

No, no!! Oh, my god, did she get off the plane? Did she get off the plane?

Rachel

[coming into room] I got off the plane.

Ross

You got off the plane.

Rachel

I do love you.

Ross

I love you, too, and I am never letting you go again.

Rachel

Okay, because this is where I want to be. Okay, no more of this, I don't wanna mess this up again.

Ross

Me either, okay, we are done being stupid.

Rachel

It's you and me, all right, this is it? You and me, this is it.

Ross

This is it. Unless we're on a break.

Ross

[to himself] Don't make jokes now...