Chris Rock quotes from Everybody Hates Chris

Greg

Hey, check out what I made for my mom for Mother's Day: macaroni pajamas.

Chris

Don't you think you're a little bit too old to be making macaroni presents?

Narrator

When Greg got engaged, he gave his fiancée a piece of rigatoni.

Chris

Hey Dad, what you gettin' Mom for Mother's Day?

Julius

Me? Why should I get anything? It's Mother's Day, not Wife's Day.

Chris

No we don't! We just make you some stupid gift out of macaroni

Tonya

My macaronni oven mitts were not stupid!

Drew

You're right. They weren't nearly as stupid as your macaronni hotcon.

Tonya

Shut up!

Narrator

Or your macaronni macaronni bowl.

[narrating] Hey, you shut up, too.

Narrator

Get outta my voice-over booth, woman! Save that for the show, "Everybody Hates Tonya"!

[narrating] Whatever.

Narrator

Choosin' to shoplift was the worst decision I had ever made. Even a Turkish prison would be nice compared to what my mother would do if she found out I stole.

Rochelle

[off-screen] CHRIS!! Boy, where you at!?

Chris

My mother's coming! Kill me now! Kill me now! KILL ME NOW!!

It looks like you're going to Tattaglia after all.

Chris

But this isn't fair!

I know, but always remember this: When you get to the other side of the river, the streets of heaven will be lined with gold for you, me, and all God's children.

Narrator

I was still in shock, so I didn't have the presence of mind to smack her upside the head and run.

Greg

Want some cash?

Chris

You kiddin' me?

Greg

Take it, man. I can get more tomorrow.

Narrator

Greg was like an ATM machine with acne.

Who the hell are you?

Chris

I'm Chris.

Narrator

Star of the new movie, Guess Who's Coming to Homeroom.

Chris

I need to change homerooms.

Oh, what's the problem?

Chris

Mr. Thurman hates me.

Narrator

Everyone does. It's in the title of the show, dummy.

Chris

Welcome back, dude.

Greg

Thanks.

Narrator

After a couple weeks at Tattaglia without Greg, I tried hangin' out with a few different crowds to make myself feel better. I tried hangin' out with the losers.

Chris

So, what do you wanna study? Math or science?

Dude, why are you always studying?

Yeah, you act like you're graduating tomorrow.

Don't be such a downer.

Chris

I even tried hangin' out with the break-dance crews.

Narrator

After all was said and done, even a roomful of girls wasn't the same as having one good friend.

Chris

Greg? What are you doing here?

Greg

Got kicked out of the Bronx Academy, so I'm back.

Chris

See you still have that coat.

Greg

I've changed in ways you couldn't imagine, Chris. I've seen things. I've done things. I've tasted blood and it tastes good.

Chris

Hi. I'm Chris.

Hi. I'm Angel.

Narrator

Ahn-Hel? More like, "What the hell?"

Chris

What's up with the outfit?

Narrator

And the makeup?

I'm androgynous, silly.

Around 1986, a new trend emerged called androgyny. Inspired by the looks of personalities such as Boy George, Prince, Grace Jones and Attorney General Janet Reno, gender benders, as they were also called, stretched the perceptions of what it meant to be male or female.

Monk

So, what made you think of this, anyway, Chris?

Chris

Well, I remembered that Jaws was a book before a movie, so I figured they made a movie out of The Invisible Man.

Kill Moves

I wish they'd start makin' movies into books. Popcorn gettin' expensive.

Does anyone know what these are?

Narrator

Reason her husband cries?

Chris

Beaver tails?