Scrooge McDuck quotes from DuckTales (2017)

Scrooge

[whispering to Donald] If we lose, you're out of the will.

Donald

I was in the will?

Dewey

Oh, so that's why he picked Donald.

Webby

He spent 30 years guessing what Donald was saying, he must get good at non-verbal communication.

Beakley

Time!

Donald

It was a Mermanticore!

Scrooge

[offended] That was a Mermanticore?! THIS is a Mermanticore!

Beakley

Mr. McDuck and Donald scored 34.

Scrooge

Behold, the final challenge. Scroogeopoly! The thrilling game of finance and property acquisition.

Dewey

The final challenger feels extremely rigged. Your face is literally on the box.

Louie

I have 13 different apologies depending on how mad you are.

Scrooge

[coldly] Close the door.

Louie

Oh, you're that mad.

Scrooge

Do you know how I made my fortune?

Louie

Yes. By being tougher than the toughies, and smarter than the smarties.

Scrooge

And sharper than the sharpies. People don't know about that one. The ability to read a situation and see all the shortcuts and the possibilities. Your mother could do it. So can you.

Louie

I can?

Scrooge

I should have seen it, the way you were picking apart those adventures earlier. The "whoa," the "wait, what," the "aah." If you apply that gift, you might be a bigger billionaire than I am one day. [gives Louie the idol] Here. It's not a Number One Dime, but it's a start.

Scrooge

[as his can-phone rings] Do not answer that. [sighs] That can is your Cousin Fethry calling from a top-secret deep-sea laboratory.

Dewey

Top secret?!

Huey

Deep-sea laboratory?!

Scrooge

Don't get too excited. Fethry's a bit... well, he's, uh...

Donald

He's cuckoo bananas.

Scrooge

Best to ignore it. Every time we get a call from Fethry, we rush down there just to go on some fool's errand wrapped up in a needlessly dangerous adventure. With rambling lectures...

Donald

And the explosions...

Scrooge

And avoiding that mega-tsunami...

Donald

And the explosions...

Scrooge

All to see a barnacle formation in the shape of a tractor or some such nonsense.

Donald

Big waste of time.

Huey

Breathe, just breathe.

Donald

I've done nothing with my life! I'm a failure!

Scrooge

Awww, that never bothered you before.

Huey

Uncle Donald, you're very successful! You raised three boys and a rich in love. Isn't that the true measure of success?

No!

Donald

Huey, you gotta help me!

Huey

Help you? Well, I have been looking to earn my improve theater merit badge… How about you play the part of someone successful?

Donald

Lie? Perfect!

Scrooge

Nonsense. You do what you want, but I will not help you lie to impress that band of braggartios.

Huey

If you blow up our cover, Jose will probably get mad and you'll have to pay for this trip yourself.

Scrooge

Donald, we have to lie to your friends, ya hear?!

Huey

Just keep it small and simple. Sorry, everyone. Uncle Donald had a, um, very important business call.

Donald

From McDuck Enterprises, my company. I'm a billionaire.

Panchito

The same Donald, who searched our couch cushions for corn chips, now owns McDuck Enterprises?

Huey

Yes… and, he's taking over the family business so Scrooge can retire.

Scrooge

Geh?

Donald

'Cause he's so old. Very, very old.

Louie

Nope, gross. Old people romance, bleh.

Scrooge

We weren't old back then.

Louie

It's impossible to picture you young.

Scrooge

Goldie was and remains a pain in my pen feathers. No romance there.

Louie

So there's no getting mushy, no kissing, no hand holding?

Scrooge

Well… [cut back to the past, where Scrooge and Goldie are wrestling each other holding hands] You coffee-boiling bunkle artist!

Goldie

You hard-cased old croaker!

Oh, good! You two know each other! I want to remind y'all once more that the town hall meeting is tomorrow. Um, farewell?

Scrooge

You're encroaching on my pay dirt!

Goldie

How do you know I didn't find the claim first and you're stealing from me?!

Scrooge

Is that true?!

Goldie

No. I followed you here to steal your gold. But the fact that you didn't think the opposite is hurtful, Scroogie.

Scrooge

Gah! Take a right, Goldie! I've had enough of your babbling bazo.

Louie

Whoa. Can we cut back on the old prospector slang a bit?

Scrooge

Get lost, dude! You're killing my vibe, man!

Louie

[voice-over] Nope, uh-uh. That's worse. Just go on.

Goldie

I'm not going anywhere, ya tightwad!

Scrooge

Then you'll have to race me to the motherlode, 'cause I'm working day and night until I find that gold! [Goldie throws a pickax, which hits his foot] Gah, OW!

Goldie

You'll need that, hon, 'cause I just bought out all the town's dynamite.

Rockerduck

You need a name. The Gilded Gift? The Thank You Kindly? [gasps] The Big Rock of Gold? No, the Rockerduck Nugget. I mean, why overthink it?

Scrooge

That's the McDuck Nugget! What's the meaning of this thievery?!

Goldie

Don't mind this rube. So! [seizes Rockerduck] What the meaning of this pilfering!?

Rockerduck

Thievery? Pilfering? Oh, no, I'm putting the humble boomtown of… What is it? Gut punch?

Gumption!

Rockerduck

Ah, Gumption, on the map. Make it one of the shining mega-cities of the American West! I've invested heavily in this charming burb with its sand and tumble weeds and weathered sun-burnt faces. And all I asked for in return is the right to drill a tiny hole in the center of town.

Scrooge

But I staked a claim on this plot months ago!

Rockerduck

Yes, but if I own the town, I own everything in it and under it.

Goldie

Do you know who you're messing with? That's the Buckaroo of the Badlands, the Maverick of the Montana Cattle Wars, the legendary Scrooge McDuck! You cross him and get ready for a cross hook across your jaw! Ain't that right?

Scrooge

[stepping in front of her] I'll make the declarations from here. [to Rockerduck] Get you're plundering paws off my caches.

Goldie

You going to take that guff from this foolish, mangy, flea-bitten peasant? Put his filthy mitts all over your finely pressed suit?

Rockerduck

[laughs] That would cost you, small-timer. I studied Queensbury rules. Put up your dukes. Jab, jab. Uppercut. Cross. I'll butter your bean.

Della

Where are my--? [gasps as she spots her sons with Webby; then smiles warmly]

Dewey

Who's the cyborg?

Huey

Is that…?

Louie

It can't be.

Webby

Guys, I think that's your mom.

Scrooge

Huey, Dewey, Louie, meet Della Duck.

Dewey

[chuckles] I'm part robot! I knew it!

Della

Wait. Huey, Dewey, and Louie? No, no, no. Their names were supposed to be Jet, Turbo, and Rebel.

Dewey

I could've been Turbo?!

Della

I told Donald. I wrote it down, in case no one could understand him.

Dewey

I COULD'VE BEEN TURBO?!?!

Scrooge

I'm sure you learned... something.

Della

No. Not this time.

Louie

What? But I really am sorry! We hugged and everything!

Della

I watched your brothers blink out of existence because you wanted a shortcut to riches!

Louie

I said I was sorry!

Della

You took off in that contraption without thinking about the consequences, or the people you would hurt!

Louie

[annoyed] I wonder who I got that from.

Launchpad

Oh...

Beakley

See here, young man.

Della

[holds up her hand] (Beakley, I got this.) Your little scheme to bypass the present almost cost us our future. This all stops now! You are grounded! No schemes, no treasures, and Louie Incorporated is done! Understand?!

Louie

Look, let me clean up, okay? Uncle Scrooge? Mrs. B? Come on!

Della

To…your…room!

Louie

[kicks the Time Tub; muttering grumpily as he walks upstairs to his bedroom] Stupid perfect scheme.

Louie

You're heading to Big Rock Candy Mountain? Oh, I am going.

Della

No, you are still grounded.

Louie

What? No, WHAT?

Scrooge

Err, come on kids, let's finish packing.

Louie

Big Rock Candy Mountain is the laziest quest of all time! It's my dream.

Della

Your last "dream" made you take treasure from the past, which almost destroyed time, space, and your family! Now, (back) to your room! You can come out when you learn that no good ever came from cockamamie schemes.

Louie

Flintheart Glomgold is a fake identity. So all your money, all your money, and all your money goes to your new partner, who is, hold on one sec, just let me check right here, oh right, me. Always read the fine print, trademark Louie Duck.

Glomgold

What?! But that was my scheme! I got the family together! I was gonna steal their money from them after I won! I… [The other villains approach him in anger from behind; nervously] …can explain.

Magica

Let me get this straight. You stole all of our fortunes and then lost it all to a child?!

[tearing up] I wish I never had a new pa! [runs away, sobbing]

Ma Beagle

[strikes Glomgold with her handbag] You scarred him for life! [continues hitting him] That's my job!

Karnage

How could you betray us after such a dramatic speech about family!?

Beaks

Facepunch App! Punchpunchpunchpunchpunch!

Beaks

It was in selfie mode...

Magica

You've made a powerful enemy...I have enough hate in my heart for TWO SCOTTISH BILLIONAIRES!!!

Scrooge

Should we...do something?

Louie

Eh. It'll take care of itself.

Glomgold

CURSE YOU, EVERYOOOOONE!!!

Louie

Mom, I know I messed up before, but seeing all the angles is what I'm good at.

Della

[picks up and hugs him] Okay, but you need to take care to not hurt the ones you love, and I'll be here to help you see the angles you can't.

Della

Now all you have to do is turn the new company over to Scrooge and everything will go back to normal!

Scrooge

Loui~e!

Scrooge

...Louie?

Louie

HMMMMMMMM...

Louie

Uncle Scroo~ge HI thanks for coming!

Scrooge

Eh...to breakfast?

Louie

Sooooo do you remember that bet you made with Glomgold where the winner won the loser's fortune and techincally I won both your fortunes so I could give it back to YOU?

Scrooge

[Annoyed] It was yesterday...

Louie

[Stumbling on his words] You said I'd be a bigger billionaire than you are one day and...well...today is a day...um...well...

Scrooge

[Angered] What are you trying to say, lad?

Louie

I'M KEEPING IT ALL SO I CAN BE THE RICHEST DUCK IN THE WORRRLD!!!

Scrooge

Heh heh....HAHAHAHAHA!! You!? HAHA...are going to be The Richest Duck In The World!!? HAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!

Louie

...Yes? Um...

Scrooge

Oh, sure! It's just a complex, international conglomeration! You love hard work! Huh! Have fun. I'll be here when you're ready to give my fortune back.

That went far better than expected.

Louie

Of-of course it did, Owlson! I have worked hard for three whole months! I DESERVE THIS!

Louie

It's time to get down to business!

Louie

The business of being crazy rich!

Louie

Much better. I'M THE RICHEST DUCK IN THE WOOOOOORLD, WOO-HOOOOOO!!!