Scrooge McDuck quotes from DuckTales (2017)

[showing family portraits] Oh, and look here! Little Scroogey and Whiskers!

Huey

Whiskers?

Little Scroogey always wanted a dog, but we were too poor, so we all pitched in to buy a clump of hair from the local barber. Oh, how Scroogey loved his Whiskers!

Fergus

Aye. And who ended up having to walk him and feed him?

Scrooge

It was a ball of hair!

Fergus

How dare you talk about Whiskers like that?! He was family!

Scrooge

I take great care of my family!

Fergus

You avoid us like the plague!

Scrooge

Oh come now, that's unfair... to the plague!

Fergus

That's it! Go to your room!

Scrooge

I never lived here!

Fergus

Then pick the one furthest away from my line of sight!

Scrooge

Fine by me!

Scrooge

Just stop! I don't need you! [holding his dime] Everything I earned, I earned through my own hard work. You never gave me anything!

Fergus

I gave you that. [pointing to the dime]

Scrooge

Ugh... my Number One Dime? Burt the ditch digger gave it to me. Back in my shoeshine days, I worked for hours on Burt's boots. He paid me with an American dime.

Fergus

Who do you think gave him the dime?

Scrooge

What?

Fergus

Aye. I muddied his boots, and sent him your way.

Scrooge

Wait, what? But why?

Fergus

We were poor. I couldn't provide for you myself, so I had to give you a different gift, self-reliance. Teaching you to work hard, and fend for yourself, so that you'd become the man you are now. But you learned that lesson so well, we hardly saw you again. If I'm hard on you, lad, it's 'cause I miss you, is all.

Scrooge

Oh, Daddy... I miss you too.

Launchpad

[setting up a lawn chair] Sorry, Mrs. B. Only chair I could find.

Mrs. Beakley

Seatbelts?

Launchpad

Oh... um... [puts a flotation ring around her] When we crash, it can be used as a flotation device.

Mrs. Beakley

When we crash?

Scrooge

Long time since you've been in the field, eh, Agent 22?

Mrs. Beakley

And this plane would have been dangerously outdated even then. I'm counting one, two, three... 14 safety violations.

Launchpad

Aw, come on. Every time the Sunchaser goes down, she always gets right back up in the air.

Mrs. Beakley

"Every time?" I allow the children to travel with you because I assume you're keeping them safe.

Scrooge

Ah, jengs. Launchpad, give the old bird, a tour of the old bird to show her there's nothing to worry about. I'll take the wheel-stick thingie.

Mrs. Beakley

Sorry, when did you learn to fly a massive cargo plane?

Scrooge

Please, I'm Scrooge McDuck. If Launchpad can do it, how hard can it be?

Launchpad

Not very!

Mrs. Beakley

We have to get out, and figure out how to get down.

Scrooge

And pass up the adventure of a lifetime?

Mrs. Beakley

And risk all our lives?

Scrooge

Ah, you're safe as houses. This is nothing! The plane could be on fire, or we could be on fire, or this could be a volcano! Everything could be on fire!

Scrooge

No. Not again.

Webby

[through the radio] Dewey, this is crazy! The mystery's not worth it!

Louie

[through the radio] I get it, but you can't give up the rest of us to find the one person we lost!

Launchpad

[through the radio] Dewey! The Darkwing Duck video is still running! Do you want me to pause it until you get back?

Huey

[through the radio] Give me that. Dewey, our family is amazing! We're enough! Let it go!

Dewey

[angry] Cool... so you're the reason our mom is gone!

Scrooge

[shocked] What? No! I..I--

Launchpad

[the plane begins to lean forward] Um, guys?

Dewey

You built her a crazy dangerous super rocket!

Scrooge

Which she stole early!

Huey

Then you encouraged her to keep flying through a cosmic storm? You could have called her down, there were too many variables!

Mrs. Beakley

Now boys, you don't know....

Louie

And you're the richest duck in the world! Why didn't you send up more ships to look for her?

Scrooge

[growing frustrated] I spared no expense!

Dewey

[coldly] Yeah, right. Cheap old Scrooge probably bailed as soon as it put a dent in his money bin.

Launchpad

[the plane leans further] Um, guys?

Webby

Take it easy Dewey, he may have a point. Even if gifting an experimental rocket to a mother of three was clearly a terrible idea!

Scrooge

This is a family matter! You are not family!

Mrs. Beakley

See here, McDuck. You will not speak to my granddaughter that way.

Scrooge

You will not speak to me that way! None of you! After everything I do for you, you're all nothing but trouble!

Webby

Isn't he gonna say goodbye?

Mrs. Beakley

We're taking those vacation days if that's alright with you... sir.

Scrooge

[bitterly] Fine.

Mrs. Beakley

[as Webby sadly leaves] Well, you've successfully pushed your family and everyone who cared about you away... again. I hope you're happy.

Louie

...you're the richest duck in the world! Why didn't you send up more ships to look for her?

Huey

Then you encouraged her to keep flying through a cosmic storm? ... You'd could have called her down, there were too many variables!

Dewey

...so you're the reason our mom is gone! ... Cheap old Scrooge probably bailed as soon as it put a dent in his money bin

Mrs. Beakley

Well, you've successfully pushed your family and everyone who cared about you away... again. I hope you're happy.

Scrooge

[tearing up] ...I am.

Launchpad

[pulls up to McDuck Manor's gates, and rings the gate buzzer] Howdy, Mr. McDee! Don't worry, I'm not here to check on you on account of everyone moving out, because the boys blamed you for launching their mom to space and orphaning them. I'm here to take you out for ice cream! Mmmm, sounds good, right? Family crisis- I mean, ice cream!

Scrooge

[through the speaker] Go away.

Magica

[in Lena's body] Out?! Moved?! Ice cream?! Without those kids to let me in, how am I supposed to get my evil, evil vengeance?!

Uh, how long has your housekeeping staff been gone?

Scrooge

[in his dirty underwear] Three days. So how are my so-called "kin"? Miserable, no doubt, living on that disgusting boat. I'm obviously doing much better than they are. [spots a possum under a pizza box] Pesky possum! Keeps eating my anchovies! [chases it with a broom]

Scrooge

Sweet, playful marbles. Three to a bag. Red, green, and that rascal blue marble, always rolling whichever way it wants... and ungrateful the lot of them at every turn! After all I did for them, and they just throw it in my face!

Yeah, there's nothing worse than marbles. Tea?

Scrooge

I'm talking about family.

Ugh, tell me about it. They disobey you, run you ragged, don't follow through on elaborate revenge plots...

Scrooge

They spend your money, take over your home, cause trouble, worm their way into your head with fond memories that you cannae get out, no matter how hard you try!

Cheers to ridding fond memories!

Scrooge

[sits on a throne of pizza boxes] And then they leave without as much as a "thank you"!

Forget family. Who needs 'em?

Scrooge

I'll drink to that! [about to drink Magica's potion, only for a box to fall on his head and cause him to spill it]

Of all the idiotic- I mean, I'll go make you another.

Scrooge

You wee tenebrous traitor. We welcomed you into our home, only to have you unleash this repugnant beast-monger.

Lena

She's my aunt! She made me do it.

Scrooge

Hmmm. Family! Good for nothing! Left me completely vulnerable to this.

Lena

Please. Magica only got in here because you threw your family out. My family's good for nothing. Your family is amazing. You fight, and get into trouble, but it doesn't matter, because you, I don't know, love each other or something. Dude, I wish I had your family.

Scrooge

... You're right lass. Help me get my family back, and you'll have a place in it. We're all stronger together. Ready?

Lena

I'll see what I can do.

Scrooge

There's no better bonding experience than a high-stakes, death-defying adventure.

Louie

What about a quiet movie night in? Oh, or make-your-own-pizza night? Ooh, how about game night?

Scrooge

[obvious Hidden excitement in his expression] ..... Game night?

Scrooge

GAAAAME NIIIGHT!!!

Beakley

Oh, no.

Louie

Ready for a relaxing night in?

Beakley

You know how competitive he gets when he's trying to best an enemy? On Game Night, we are the enemies.