Webby Vanderquack quotes from DuckTales (2017)

Webby

[carrying an armful of messages in bottles] I'm here to save either a sailor, group of sailors, or a shark from a sea serpent, pirate, M-agent, and or scurvy!

Webby

[after Louie lies on the phone to Donald about what they've been doing] Why didn't you tell him the truth?

Louie

You didn't tell your grandma we were going to a dangerous underwater city, did you?

Webby

I kinda sorta... didn't tell her anything?

Louie

Webby, that's irresponsible! She'll be worried sick! Call your grandma this instant, and tell her that you are spending the night at a friend's house, okay? Lying. It's the responsible thing to do.

Louie

Just call your grandma already! It's no big deal. [calls Beakley and gives Webby the phone] Remember, you're at a friend's house, okay? You got this.

Webby

[speed-talking] Hi, Granny, I'm spending the night at a friend's house, so nothing is wrong!

Louie

Oh, you don't got this.

Beakley

This may be Mr. McDuck's mansion, but it's my house. So... my house rules. Exhaustive. Comprehensive. Where are you going?

Donald

I got unmentionables to wash.

Beakley

Rule 58: If you need something, ask for permission first.

Donald

[to his nephews] Did you hear that, boys? Ask permission.

Beakley

Rule 23: No one is above the rules... Donald. If you had simply asked for assistance, we could've avoided what I'm referring to as the "Undergarment Incident."

Donald

I can take care of myself.

Beakley

That is not your decision to make. You live here, you answer to me.

Donald

I answer to NO ONE!

Louie

Wait, are they gonna kiss?

Eww!

Outside, now!

Webby

I don't understand. It should be here somewhere.

Dewey

Wait, these books. They're all out of order. Quackfaster's a lot of things, but she's not sloppy.

[offscreen] Use your training. The most valuable knowledge must be earned.

Dewey

Okay, how much of this is about us doing your work for you?

About 50%.

Huey

[double checking supplies in the boat] Compass. CB radio. Sunscreen.

Webby

Hot dog costumes! [puts life vests covered in hot dogs in the boat]

Huey

I'm sorry, what?

Webby

You know, in case we get lost at sea, and one of us, probably Louie, goes mad with hunger, we'll put these on. Louie hates hot dogs, so he probably won't eat us.

Huey

Are you saying that Louie would rather eat us than hot dogs?

Louie

I do hate hot dogs.

Lena

That was actually pretty cool. Are you, like, in the circus?

Webby

Circus acrobats keep elephant hairs in their pockets for good luck. I don't know why I just told you that, or why I'm still talking, or why I pointed out the fact that I'm still talking, or-

Webby

Got it!

Lena

Nice. [holds up a fist]

Webby

[obviously very excited for the fist bump] Ohhhhh yeah! [bumps Lena's fist]

Lena

You wanna blow it up, don't you? [Webby nods] Psssh.

Webby

Lena, this is Huey, Dewey, and Louie.

Dewey

Webby, we've been looking for you everywhere!

Lena

Cute, with the names, and the color-coded outfits, is that, like, your thing? You're all exactly the same?

[in unison] Ha! No way! We're all unique snowflakes! [beat] Well this usually never happens. This is really weird! Okay, stop talking! [beat] Antidisestablishmentarianism! SERIOUSLY?! Gah!

Huey

Seriously, Webby, where have you been? We've been worried out of our minds!

Webby

Well, uh, Lena and I...

Lena

Right, you were so worried that you left her on a beach and didn't show up for four hours?

Huey

We got lost.

Dewey

Thanks to old Captain Lost!

Louie

Why would you put me in charge of the map again?! This is not on me.

Dewey

[chanting] Captain Lost! Captain Lost!

Louie

[enraged] Ooh, you change the tone of that chant! [starts strangling Dewey as Huey tries pulling him away]

Lena

Yeah, they seem like a real tight crew.

Dewey

Oh, man, that is classic cinema!

Webby

So good!

Lena

Oh, and remember when the surgeon tried to cut the mole queen in half but then she multiplied into a million mole babies and then they ate him?! [imitates chainsaw noises and Webby makes growling sounds]

Beakley

[grabs Lena by the arm] You said this was an educational film. Suitable for all ages.

Lena

Uh, it's a cautionary tale about the dangers of mole monsters. And everyone could use a lesson on chainsaw safety.

Louie

Lame! Where was the drama, the heart, the needlessly expensive car crash mayhem?

Huey

Even if mole-men did exist, why attack someone in the shower? With the water running, there wouldn't be enough traction to attack anyone above the knee. Totally phony.

Webby

What is with you guys? It says right on the poster, "based on an actual true novel."

Huey

[pulls out his Junior Woodchuck Guidebook] This is the only book I trust. If it's not in the Junior Woodchuck Guidebook, then it's not a thing.

Webby

What about were-ducks?

Huey

Nope.

Webby

Tri-clopses?

Huey

Mmm, not a thing.

Webby

Well, what about the legendary Terra-firmians of Duckburg?

Huey

[sigh] Let's see... Pterodactyl, terror-dactyl, terrible twos, nope. No Terra-firmians. Must not exist.

Webby

[laughing] What? Terra-firmians, the mythical underground race that live below our very city?

Huey

No, that's ridiculous.

Webby

No, you're ridiculous.

Lena

Children, children. There's an easy way to settle this. Let's go find them ourselves.

Lena

[pushing a sign out of the way] Now what's behind here?

Webby

The old 818 train line. Famous for terra-firmian sightings. That's why it's closed off.

Huey

The signs say "Closed for renovations."

Webby

That's what they want you to think.

Huey

Who is they?

Webby

Exactly.

Huey

What?

Webby

[takes out and opens her diary] The Terra-firmians are an ancient race built of two warring tribes. The Terries and the Firmies. They were once united under a proud king. After the king's untimely death, an epic battle began over who would assume control. But one day, the rightful prince will reunite the two tribes and put an end to their bitter conflict.

Huey

And what's that?

Webby

Oh, just a drawing of a candy I wish they made. Webbi-dings.

Lena

And that?

Webby

Me as a superhero. Look, can we just focus on all the exciting stuff I just said?

Webby

[when Beakley, Launchpad, Dewey, and Louie find them] Granny?

Launchpad

Ahhhhh! Those are moles!

Dewey

Launchpad, it's just the guys.

Launchpad

You would say that. [to himself] Have there always been three of them?

Webby

[nervously] I can explain.

Beakley

You're all in big trouble. [gestures to Lena] I assume this was your idea.

Lena

[scoffs] Sure, blame the mysterious rebel playing by her own rules.

Beakley

No back talk! You made me come all the way down here, drag two more children and one man-child right into danger.

Launchpad

Man-child? Where? [shudders] Easy, LP. Easy. One monster at a time.

Lena

Aren't you supposed to be crazy adventure family? This is like an afternoon field trip for you people.

Beakley

Well, there won't be anymore afternoon field trips for you. I can assure you that.

Huey

Please talk some sense into Webby. You don't really believe that rock monsters are playing earthquake games.

Louie

Huey's usually right about nerd stuff.

Webby

Not this time. Those "aftershocks" are actually a revolt led by the lost Terra-firmian prince. He's using the games as a distraction to storm the Califermy Citadel! It's all in this artist's rendering. [shows her drawings and notes]

Louie

Ooh, that sounds awesome. I want that to be true.

Huey

Earthquakes are a result of shifting tectonic plates.

Webby

But who's pushing the plates, Huey? Who's pushing the plates?!

Huey

Other plates are pushing the plates!

Webby

Now who sounds ridiculous?

Huey

Louie, whose side are you on?

Louie

Oh, neither. This is just way more entertaining than that movie. [takes out and eats a bucket of popcorn] What? I got a refill on the way out. It's encouraged.

Louie

I can't believe Uncle Gladstone is here!

Huey

He's so charming.

Dewey

And funny.

Louie

He's like the luckiest guy in the world. Uncle Donald, you must have had the best time growing up with him.

Donald

[sulking with jealousy] He's the worst. Just the worst.

Scrooge

Gladstone Gander is a complete layabout. I don't know why we're responding to his call.

Webby

It was a call for help.

Huey

And like Uncle Donald says, "Family always helps family."

Donald

Why did I say that?

Louie

Plus, he's easily our coolest uncle.

Donald

[offended] Hey!

Louie

Sorry, coolest non-trillionaire uncle.

Huey

Hey, come on, Uncle Donald is kinda cool.