Flintheart Glomgold quotes from DuckTales (2017)

Glomgold

[fighting to hold onto his shadow] Where are you going?! You're my shadow! [the shadow drops him into the sea] CURSE YOU, ME!

Glomgold

You're here because you're the best of the cheapest. With your help and my carefully crafted master plan, we'll find the fabled lost Jewel of Atlantis and finally make me the richest duck in the world! [laughs evilly] But first, here are your company IDs, also good for 40% off life vest rental in case of emergency. Gabby McStabberson. [Gabby comes up and takes her ID] Hack and Slash Smashnikov. [the Smashnikov brothers come up and take theirs] Donald Duck. Duck? Duck?!

Donald

Now remember, bedtime is at 9:00. And no sugar after 7:00. Oh, and…

Scrooge

I run a multi-trillion dollar business. I can handle a few juveniles for the weekend. You just focus on this new job of yours. Besides, I got a pretty low key day planned.

Donald

[showing the Smashnikov brothers some photos on his phone] Ah, little Dewey's first steps. And that's Huey in the playoffs. He was the water boy. [turns to Gabby] Oh look, that's us climbing the Grand Canyon, display at the supermarket. [laughs] I miss them so much, but we need this job. So, tell me about your family.

I was raised by warrior monks who spoke only the language of the blade.

Donald

[nervously] Uh-huh.

We've got intruders!

Donald

Scrooge?! What is he doing here?

Glomgold

Strange weather patterns in a mysterious location near treasure. I knew he couldn't resist. Hack, triangulate their sub's course. We'll tail Scrooge, and steal the jewel out from under him.

Donald

The boys?! Wait 'til I get my hands on- [angry squawking] I'M GONNA KILL HIM!

Glomgold

Oh, better idea! Nab the jewel, and kill them all. Somebody's angling for employee of the month.

Glomgold

Hey team. Wanted to thank you all for keeping Scrooge's kin busy while I escaped with the jewel and blow up Atlantis with my most hated rival inside.

But I thought employees were greatest treasure of all.

Glomgold

Don't be ridiculous. Treasure is the greatest treasure of all. That's why it's called treasure. Glomgold out!

Scrooge

Quiet. I'm in the middle of a Vision Beast battle of wills.

Dewey

So, it's a staring contest?

Glomgold

It's not just a staring contest! It's a-- [gasps as he catches himself drifting away from Scrooge's gaze] Nice try, McDuck, but your family bickering will never get me to look away, never!

Dewey

It's a staring contest.

Mark Beaks

[interrupting a staring contest between Scrooge and Glomgold] Old guys, nice club house you've got here. Got a real "I'm so rich I don't care how I look" quality about it. Rich peeps! [takes a selfie] I'm tagging us.

Glomgold

I'm sorry, who are you?!

Beaks

Seriously? Mark Beaks? Founder and CEO of Waddle? Soon to be newest addition to the Duckburg Billionaires' Club. Come on! And creator of the newest tech innovation, Project Tah-dah! It's everything you think it is, and nothing you're expecting. I'll flip you my Peep deets so you can follow my updates.

Scrooge

I don't understand half those words.

Scrooge

[as Glomgold demonstrates a plan to get rid of Mark Beaks via slideshow] Do we really need a slideshow?

Glomgold

Ha! Sweet, naive Scroogy. Leave the devious planning to the professionals. [sudden tone change] You're in MY world now, McDuck.

Scrooge

Yeah, all right. Show me what you've got.

Glomgold

No, you're actually on my side of the room.

Glomgold

Behold! Our scheme to destroy Beaks begins with an invitation to a Billionaires' Convention on a yacht. We'll tell him we're going, BUT THEN WE WON'T SHOW! First slam!

Scrooge

Seems unnecessary, especially the part about the yacht.

Glomgold

Emotionally devastated, Beaks will seek solace and drown his sorrows at the buffet.

Scrooge

A yacht and a buffet for one person? I'm not paying for that.

Glomgold

Fine. We'll use my yacht. Now, distracted by delicious shrimp, Beaks won't realize he's being sailed into an active volcano, where it'll get so hot, he'll jump into the yacht's pool, which, unbeknownst to him, will be FILLED WITH SHARKS!

Scrooge

Where did the Sharks come from?

Glomgold

I've got a great shark guy. Beaks will be so terrified by the sharks, he'll forget he's in a volcano, and jump blindly into the lava! All while we watch from a bridge above.

Scrooge

Wait, wait, I thought we wanted to boot him out of our club, not kill him! Although you have tried to kill me countless times, which usually ends up more annoying than deadly.

Glomgold

That's right, I'm a genius. Now part attention, 'cause this is where it gets complicated.

Glomgold

Practice all you want, McDuck! You won't be winning this year!

Scrooge

You say that every year, Flinty. And every year, you go home crying.

Glomgold

My eyes dry out very easily! But this year, I'll prove that I am the best Scottish billionaire golfer. I've hired the world's best player to be my caddie!

Okay, if you want to be a winner, just follow these three rules-

Glomgold

[gasp] I'm already a winner! Nobody tells Flintheart Glomgold what to do! You're fired!

Glomgold

Alright, boy. How would your uncle play this hole?

Louie

[clearly uninterested] Uh, just- why don't you hit the ball in the hole? I guess.

Glomgold

Hit the ball... in the hole? Of course! I've been overthinking it this entire time! [drives the ball] Holy haggis! It stayed on the course! It went forward! I'm not on fire! That might be the best shot I've ever taken!

First to complete this course will win the priceless Druid's Cup.

Thus proving them to be the finest golfer in every plane of reality.

Glomgold

Ooh!

Louie

Uh-huh. Okay. Well, anyone else think we should ignore the murder ponies and go home?

Behold, my abyss box. May it rest in pieces. Someone opened it the moment before Scrooge disappeared!

Huey

Someone who hates Scrooge more than anyone.

Flintheart Glomgold!

Beaks

Hey, my rich brother from another mother!

Glomgold

Wait. How did you know it was me?

Louie

It's always you.

Glomgold

And it always will be! [evil laugh]

Huey

So you took Scrooge!

Glomgold

Took Scrooge? No, I was trying to kill Scrooge! That's like, my whole thing.

Beaks

FYI, you're terrible at your thing.

Ma Beagle

If he were ever gonna do it, he'd have to do it while Beakley's gone.

Glomgold

Ugh. I hate that woman!

Ma Beagle

Me too. She's the absolute worst.

Glomgold

You know who I miss?

Duckworth!

Ma Beagle

Aw, he threw the best parties.

Glomgold

Ooh, that man was an artist. He never would have let us in here.

Beaks

Nemeses memories! [takes a selfie with Glomgold and Ma Beagle]

Huey

Stop bonding! This is a crime scene!

Scrooge

I have done far more good than harm for Duckburg! Ask anyone!

Roxanne

Will do. Joining us for comment via satellite from his office that was recently ravaged by Scrooge's blameworthy beanstalk, Flintheart Glomgold.

Glomgold

[appearing on a screen] CURSE YOU MCDUCK! Roxanne, good to see you.

Roxanne

And you.

Scrooge

You can't believe this team o'shanter-wearing terror!

Roxanne

Oh, shameful.

Glomgold

We can't all afford top hats, you rich snob!

Scrooge

You're rich too, you malevolent mountebank!

Glomgold

You'd best believe it, Scroogey! I'm rolling in it!

Scrooge

Then what is your point?! I'm glad that beanstalk crushed your office!

Louie

Flintheart Glomgold is a fake identity. So all your money, all your money, and all your money goes to your new partner, who is, hold on one sec, just let me check right here, oh right, me. Always read the fine print, trademark Louie Duck.

Glomgold

What?! But that was my scheme! I got the family together! I was gonna steal their money from them after I won! I… [The other villains approach him in anger from behind; nervously] …can explain.

Magica

Let me get this straight. You stole all of our fortunes and then lost it all to a child?!

[tearing up] I wish I never had a new pa! [runs away, sobbing]

Ma Beagle

[strikes Glomgold with her handbag] You scarred him for life! [continues hitting him] That's my job!

Karnage

How could you betray us after such a dramatic speech about family!?

Beaks

Facepunch App! Punchpunchpunchpunchpunch!

Beaks

It was in selfie mode...

Magica

You've made a powerful enemy...I have enough hate in my heart for TWO SCOTTISH BILLIONAIRES!!!

Scrooge

Should we...do something?

Louie

Eh. It'll take care of itself.

Glomgold

CURSE YOU, EVERYOOOOONE!!!