Quinn Morgendorffer quotes from Daria

Quinn

Daria, you can't leave me here with those, those... yuppies!

Daria

Yuppies are from the '80s.

Quinn

So what do you call people in funny outfits who talk about peace and love and stuff?

Daria

Trekkies.

Little Daria

Hey! You're ruining my birthday cake!

Daria

If only that were all she ruined.

Little Daria

Make her stop!

Oh, Daria, she's just a baby. She wants to play, too!

Quinn

I'm such a cute baby.

Little Daria

Why can't I be an only child?

Daria

Yeah. Why can't I?

Quinn

Is that my movie? Can I see?

Daria

Sorry, but that would interfere with the creative process.

Jane

See, we're like artists, and this is how we express ourselves. You understand.

Quinn

I can't wait to see it. I just hope I don't sound stupid or anything. Not that I would.

Daria

Perish the thought.

Quinn

I just, I know that sometimes certain types of people, jealous people, might think, who does she think she is? Because I sometimes think that. But I can't let myself go on too long thinking that.

Daria

Or anything else.

Quinn

I mean, sometimes I'm walking down the hall with Sandi and Stacy, and Tiffany and suddenly I'm outside of myself watching, and it's like, who are these girls? Can't they talk about anything besides guys and clothes and cars but then what would we talk about? You have to be good at something. You're good at your reading and writing and stuff and you're good at your little paintings.

Jane

They are minuscule, aren't they?

Quinn

I figure, being attractive and popular, that's what I'm good at. Maybe it's not that important, but you know, it's what I can do. [leaves]

Daria

Aw, hell.

Jane

Yeah.

Quinn

[club pages have been cut from the yearbook] But you can't be serious about this!

Daria

Listen, Ted has a point.

Quinn

Aha! It's that boy! So it's about love, is it?

Daria

It is not about love!

Quinn

Alright, keep it your secret to cherish always, but just because you're going out -

Daria

Ted and I are *not* going out!

Quinn

Whatever! Just tell loverboy we want our yearbook back!

Daria

Did you hear that? You just used the verb "want" with the noun "book."

Quinn

Save the math games for your boyfriend.

Quinn

So I told Peter, "Look...I don't care how many times you ask me out. You're not my type!"

I know. I don't know how many times he's asked me out.

Quinn

That's what I just said.

No, you said you don't care how many times he's asked you out.

Quinn

Well, I meant--

(pointing to the television) Oh, look, Quinn. She's wearing sandals like yours. Is this a rerun?

Quinn

I don't think so. (stands) Can I get you a diet soda?

No, thanks. But help yourself to the grapes. I hear they're good for breakouts.

(grabbing the remote) Hey, sis, what you watching? (turns the channel)

Turn it back! (Chris punches her arm) Ooow! You little geek!

Quinn

Hey, what happened to Fashion Vision?

(gushingly) Oh, sorry, Quinn. Um, you want a peanut butter log?

Need a smoother glass?

Should I fluff your shoelaces?

Quinn

Well, let's see--

(jealous) If you guys like Quinn so much, maybe you should adopt her and I can go live with the Morgendorfers.

Cool.

I'll help you pack.

Quinn, it's getting kind of crowded in here. Maybe Tiffany has more room.

Quinn

What do you mean, Sandi?

Jake

Have you seen this pamphlet? [hands Daria a pamphlet]

Daria

"Is Your Teenager Using Drugs? Ten Warning Signs." Yes...yes...no...maybe...sometimes...hmm, about three times a week...and not if she can possibly avoid it. In my opinion, Quinn's clean.

Quinn

What?

Daria

Although you might want to check her pupils.

Jake

[laughs nervously] I, uh, was thinking more about you, Daria.

Daria

Oh, then you're not supposed to let me read this. You're supposed to sneak around, spying on me and looking through my sock drawer. [doorbell rings, Daria leaves]

Jake

Oh. Kiddo, which one is your sock drawer?

Quinn

I can show you, Daddy.

Helen

Jake, have you seen her face? What did the doctor say?

Jake

No one's been in to see her yet, but Dr. Davidson doesn't think it's drugs.

Helen

No one's been in to see her, and you're going out for sodas?! Jake, can't you take charge of a situation for one damn minute?

Jake

But I...

Quinn

Hi, Daria.

Daria

Hi, Quinn.

Helen

If you had any sense you'd realize that these big hospitals let patients slip through the cracks all the time. You have to keep after them every second.

Daria

You know, this is exactly the kind of constant bickering that could make an otherwise happy young person turn to drugs.

Helen

I want a doctor in here now! Oh, why do I bother? [leaves] Nurse... nurse... nurse!

Jake

You said I could have a root beer.

Jake

[angrily] We want to see your belly button, young lady, and we want to see it now!

Daria

What are you talking about?

Helen

Out with it!

Daria

[shows her navel] Do you have a problem with innies?

Helen

Quinn, what's the matter with you?

Jake

Your sister's not pierced. Why would you scare us like that?

Quinn

But... but it was there yesterday!

Daria

Trying to brighten your ho-hum life with a little illusion? [yawns] Boy, I'm tired. Night, everybody. [heads upstairs]

Quinn

She was pierced... pierced, I tell you! Oh, the humanity...

Daria

Shouldn't we comfort her or something?

Jake

[laughs] Oh, let her go.

Helen

She'll get over it.

Daria

We should at least tell her about that eight-lane highway they built outside the house during the night.

Jake

Hmm... you may be right.

Helen

That can't be good.

Quinn

Ow! God!

Mom... you know I'm not ready for kids. The whole idea makes me uneasy and I'm not sure why.

Give me that!

No, it's mine!

Mommy!

Oh, yeah. Now I remember.

Hi. [to her kids] You know where Grandma's TV is. Go watch something educational. [kids scamper into living room] Boy, I'm exhausted.

Breast implants for chickens-

Not that!

Daria

Cool thoughts... a river running to the ocean... far from here...

[knocks on the window] So, you'll help us, right?

Daria

Why not? I'm obviously having some kind of nervous breakdown. I'll just ride it out and see where it takes me, Zelda Fitzgerald-style.

Quinn

Daria, something's wrong with Mom and Dad. Daria, who are you talking to?

Daria

Uh...my imaginary friend?

Quinn

[from her room] Okay, I'll come back.

The girl mustn't know about us!

Daria

Right, because you can't be seen by other mortals.

No! It'd be having to talk to the little twit that'd drive us crazy!

You know, you're getting kind of heavy...

Shut up, you bloody...IDIOT!

Quinn

What was that?

Daria

My imaginary friend fell down.

Quinn

God, Daria. Even your imaginary friends are embarrassing.

Jake

You know, Quinn. It's been kind of nice having you around so much lately.

Helen

It has been nice. Very nice.

Quinn

[feels upset] Nice?! It's been the most boring, worst time in my entire life! Go ahead and have your stupid baby! I can't take this anymore!

Jake

You're pregnant?!

Helen

Of course not.

Jake

We can't have another kid, Helen!

Helen

Well, I'm not pregnant. And that's not a very nice thing to say, by the way.

Daria

[comes in] Hey, what's going on?

Quinn

[angrily] Absolutely nothing, and I am sick of it! I can't continue to live my life like some kind of monk in a nunnery! [leaves angrily]

Daria

Actually...

Jake

Well, don't blame me!

Helen

Oh, oh, and you want to blame me!

Jake

Get off my back, Helen! Leave me the hell alone!

Daria

God bless us, everyone

Quinn

Hi, guys. [guys greet Quinn eagerly] I was wondering if you could do me a teensy-weensy favor.

I can do it. No problem!

Quinn

Great! I need help planning the dance.

[clears throat] Quinn, we'd like to help but, uh, you know... we're guys.

Hey, Sandi.

Gee, I hope everyone here isn't too busy to come to the party I'm having while my parents are out of town.

[cheering] Yeah, we're there!

Quinn, I just want to say that I'm really sorry about our fight. I don't even care who was at fault. I just hope you're not still mad.

Quinn

I could never stay mad at you, Sandi.

Good. So you'll be at my party next Saturday. I mean, it wouldn't be the same without you, Quinn.

[chanting] Saturday, Saturday, Saturday!

Quinn

Saturday? But that's the same night as the dance.

[chanting] Dance, dance, dance!

You're kidding! I forgot all about the dance. Gee, that's too, too bad. I mean, I can't un-order all that free pizza.

Pizza? Cool!

Quinn

Well, I can't un-order, um, the free soda and tacos I was going to order.

Tacos? All right!

Outdoor turbo-jet hot tub.

Quinn

Preferred seating for the popular.

Green Bay on big screen!

Quinn

D.J. on dance floor!

Miniskirt!

Quinn

Strapless!

[to guys] Well?!!

My head hurts!

Mine, too.

Oh, man!

Helen

[into phone] Well, actually, Eric, would you mind if we wrapped this up tomorrow? Oh, no, that's okay, no, fine. It's just that my family was just... no. Yes, sure, of course. Not at all. Anytime -- never!

Jake

Nothing like Taco Tuesday, eh, girls?

Daria

If I recall correctly, Taco Thursday was pretty similar.

Quinn

I was on the radio today. Bing and the Spatula Man invited the Fashion Club to critique the outfits of some less stylish students.

Daria

Marconi would be so proud.

Quinn

That Spatula Man is funny!

Daria

As are most men named for kitchen utensils.

Jake

Helen, you're going to miss out on all the guacamole! [taunting] Mom's going to miss the guacamole, Mom's going to miss the guacamole...

Helen

Enough with the guacamole! [into phone] No, not you, Eric!

Quinn

I think Bing has a crush on me. Daddy! You're using all the cheese!

Jake

[starts blushing and sweating] "What did the doctor tell you about cheese, Jake? What did the doctor tell you about cheese, Jake?" Why can't a man come home from a hard day's work and enjoy a lousy taco without it turning into...hey, you know, it's the darndest thing! I can't feel my arm! [starts wheezing]

Daria

Dad?

Jake

Blurk! [passes out in the guacamole]

Quinn

Daddy?

Jake

[picks his head up from the bowl] Mom's...gonna miss...the guacamole... [passes out again]

Helen

[turns around, drops phone] Jakey!