Okay. I've got some great news. Guess where the Funkman is going for three weeks.
On business, how great is that?
She doesn't like to travel.
NNan
I don't go on business trips with him.
Have you ever been there?
Oh my God, you should go. It's really beautiful this time of year.
NNan
Maybe I should go, Marty.
No, it's cold. Right now it's cold and foggy and dangerous. They have gangs over there and everything else and I'll be doing business.
NNan
I never travel with you. I think it's a great idea. I'm going.
NNan
Thank you. That's decided. I'm in.
Well, look who's here. It's the big funk.
You are a colossal prick. Do you know that?
Boy, I'm really getting it today.
Let me tell you something. You ruined my whole vacation. You had to butt in and tell Nan to go on my trip.
I could have had three weeks working and being alone.
I was curious as to why she wasn't going. Why don't you just go with her? Why don't you bring her?
I'm bored! Everywhere I go with her we don't look at each other, she talks over me. I want to be alone. I want to get the chance to spread my wings.
Why don't you get a divorce?
L.D. Guess who's getting a divorce.
Martin Norton Funkhouser.
And it's because of you! That man and I were talking about the London trip...
...I started to realize, "wait a minute. If I did go to Europe without her, I'd come back "and it would be 20 more years of boredom." So I said to Nan, "look, let's get a divorce." She said okay. I'm gonna be single! You and me!
Congratulations. Congratulations.
You know what you do when you get a fucking divorce? Ride around and bump the horn and shit like motherfuckers getting married.
Put cans on your car, beep your horn.
Get out there, and get some new ass. Know what I'm saying, huh? You done ran the other ass in the ground, right?
Uh, I don't want to talk about my wife like that.
You ran that ass in the ground, and you're moving on, right?
Well, I didn't run any—we had a nice marriage for 20 years.
You ran that other ass in the ground…
I don't run people's ass in the ground.
It's not a negative thing to run an ass in the ground. That's all.
[Marty is meeting Larry and Jeff at the Palestinian chicken restaurant] Shalom. You know, I thought all last night, 'If Rabin can break bread with Arafat, I can have chicken at this antisemitic shithole.'
Okay. That's just not gonna work.
I can't go in with wearing this yarmulke?
You're just shoving it in their faces.
No no no no no no. It's far too cocky a move.
What is this, a raid on Entebbe? Let's just kind of walk in casually.
What? Proud Jews wear yarmulkes.
Yeah. Be proud here in the parking lot. You don't need to be proud in there.
Let's just go in and sit down.
Take it off. Take it off.
Don't you dare go after my-
Don't you reach for that. Don't you ever touch that. No, don't ever grab my yarmulke. Give it to me. Don't ever grab my yarmulke, ever. How dare you?! Don't ever touch my yarmulke. Do you understand?
What the hell was that? We're gonna go eat without you.
Good. Who needs you? Get-- get out of here!
[Meeting Shara for the first time] Oh please. Thank you. Thank you. Oh. Well, hello.
SShara
You're a Jew, yes?
Yes, I am a Jew. A big Jew. Big.
SShara
A big Jew and you still told him to take off his Jew cap?
SShara
Thank you, my friend. What's your name?
My friends call me Larry.
Hey, I'm Dino from Big Dog productions. I'm moving in next door. You can call me Dog. Everybody calls me Dog.
Um, anyway, I'm doing the shark show. You've heard of the shark show, right, "Great White Wonderland"?
I've seen some ads on buses, yeah.
Yeah, that's the show. Anyway, we're going to be seeing each other around campus, so I just thought I'd drift on in and say hey.
Nice to meet you too. Oh, we're probably gonna be sharing the kitchen? Do you mind if I take a cabinet?
I really really appreciate it.
I can't believe you just gave away a cabinet. You never give up a cabinet. Never give up a cabinet.
You don't give away a cabinet.
Eh, I think it'll be fine.
No, it's not gonna be fine.
Aw, don't worry about it.
Hey, Larry. How's it going?
You know what? It's not going so great.
Why's that? Look at this! What'd you do? You stuffed me into one cabinet!
Looks like it all fit in there.
I gave you a cabinet. You took two? That's not fair. We have the same number of people.
Well, right now I have two people, yeah, but I told you I'm doing the shark show. They're gonna be back.
When? When are they coming back?
I don't know, Larry. When they're done shooting the sharks, they will come back.
You want to be fair about this thing? I'll take this cabinet, you take that cabinet and we'll split this one.
No. This stays exactly the way it is. Okay? Peace, brother. Peace.
AAntoinette
Hey, thanks for calling. That's so sweet of you.
So Big Dog productions rented the office next door and they're sharing the kitchen with us. And I had to give up a cabinet.
AAntoinette
Larry, no! You never give up a cabinet.
ASAntoinette's father
Never ever give up a cabinet.
He actually took two. This is why you need to be here. Can't you come in for a day? You know, straighten up a little bit. Maybe you can get one back.
AAntoinette
All right, fine.
AAntoinette
How about that?
Fabulous. This is what a desk should look like.
AAntoinette
Yeah, how did it get that way, by the way?
You know, it just builds up. This is great.
AAntoinette
Ooh, and I got you treats. There it is.
You see? It's one day. You came in for one day, tomorrow you'll go back to the hospital.
AAntoinette
And I am gonna get that cabinet back for us.
You get that cabinet back, there'll be a little something in it for you.
AAntoinette
Okay, I'm gonna just unpack that stuff.
I hope you're planning on putting that stuff away somewhere.
Yeah, I am putting it away. Right here. I have no space in here, so where do you suggest I put it?
We've got some ground rules we've gotta make here, right? This space has to remain clean! There can be no bullshit on this counter, do you understand?
By the way, you're the one who took my stuff out of these two cabinets and put it into this one.
You're telling me it's unfair the amount of cabinet space that I've taken?
There are two things about Dog that everybody knows, okay? I am clean and I am fair.
Okay? These cabinets are mine-- Look! "For Big Dog only. For Big Dog only."
Big shit! You put the labels on, so what? You can rip the labels off.
Don't touch the fucking labels! Look, Big Dog does not give up cabinets.
Well, guess what, Big Dog.
This food is staying here because I have no place to put it!
This isn't even food. What the fuck is this? It's rabbit food.
Oh, is that right? You got pudding in here, okay? You got fucking pudding. Gimme a break. Chocolate pretzels? Get the hell out of here! What do you got in here? Oh, cheese dips-- Come on.
This weighs almost five lbs. You eat this? You put this in your body?
Yeah, it's good bread. It has no yeast in it.
That's bread, that's bread. By the way, I saw the show? It stinks. The sharks are swimming around. Nobody's even-- The sharks aren't eating anybody. Nothing's going on, just sharks swimming around.
Are you getting negative about my show?
Yeah, your show stinks. And you know what? I'm not calling you Dog anymore. The Dog days are over. From now on, you're Dino!
You said "fuck you, Dog" to me? Take your fucking rabbit food and your goddamn five-lb bread and stick it up your fucking ass!
How long do you think the... Grieving process might take for her?
RRosemary
It's going to take probably several weeks for my daughter to get back to work. Mmmm, I don't know, maybe-- Maybe I could fill in for her.
RRosemary
I was an executive secretary for 30 years.
Wow, this is a very exciting and interesting idea.
RRosemary
I really need something to do right now to take my mind off of my grief. And I would be holding the job for my daughter.
RRosemary
All right. Uh, Monday morning.
