Larry David quotes from Curb Your Enthusiasm

Larry

I have a system..I..I have a..

Larry

Funkhouser knowingly served us penis!

Larry

An employee is told that the customer's always right and, in fact, the customer is usually a moron and an asshole.

Larry

I'd rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.

Larry

You can't make an empty gesture to a Funkhouser. They take you up on it!

Larry

Can I tell you something about apricots? ... 1 in 30 is a good one. It's such a low percentage fruit.

Larry

You're nothing without your health. Some people are nothing even with their health. I fall in that category, sometimes.

Larry

We're fighting because you're a moron. That's why we're fighting.

Larry

I'm Larry David. I happen to enjoy wearing women's panties.

Larry

[Larry is talking about his attraction to a Palestinian woman at a restaurant] You know what it is? You're always attracted to someone who doesn't want you, right? Well, here you have somebody who not only doesn't want you... doesn't even acknowledge your right to exist, wants your destruction! That's a turn-on.

Larry

Hey, Dog! That's my kitchen too! I've got a cabinet in there!

Larry David

One thing I admire about Hitler - he never took any shit from magicians. [...] [imitating Hitler] Where is the rabbit? Show me the rabbit!

Larry

Who do you think has more freedom: the married man in America or the single man in Communist China?

Larry

[regarding his "bunch-up"] Is it a bad thing? Maybe it's not such a bad thing.

Cheryl

Oh, 'cause you want people to think you constantly have an erection?

Richard

[regarding his girlfriend] She reads Wiesel and a lot of things.

Larry

She reads Wiesel?

Richard

That's right. Not everyone's a moron I go out with.

Larry

You know what she should be reading? Emily fucking Post!