Larry David quotes from Curb Your Enthusiasm

Larry

I’ll have a vanilla…one of those vanilla bullshit things. You know, whatever you want, some vanilla bullshit latte cappa thing. Whatever you got.

Larry

Grape works as a soda. Sort of as a gum. I wonder why it doesn’t work as a pie. Grape pie? There’s no grape pie.

Larry

Do you think we really needed Alaska and Hawaii? They gotta ruin everything. They ruined the continental United States. Ruined it! We have a beautiful Pacific coast, Atlantic coast, that’s the continental United States. You don’t need more states. We’re not the British Empire. Are they trying to turn us into the British Empire? And what is Puerto Rico, anyway?

Larry

Fuck Huughhh! Huuuugghhh!

Larry

He's a bra-sniffing dog! He's a very good bra-sniffing dog!

Larry

I love this dog, it's not very often you get the chance to be affectionate to something german.

Larry

Whoa, I like that Rice Krispies thing! ... Crackle and pop!

Larry

I like it... I got one tiny little comment. I would lose the "motherfucker" at the end - 'cause you already said "fuck" once. You don't need two fucks.

Larry

I feel like an idiot holding this skewer.

Larry

...And how about that hygienist. It's like if you go to a prostitute, and the prostitute goes around and tells everybody that you got a small penis. Not that I've ever been to a prostitute... not that I have a small penis.

Larry

The dog bit my penis!

Larry

[as Max Bialystock] Assume away!

Larry

See this thing? It's a mezuzah. Got that? And I need you to put it over the door here. This is like a Jewish thing, you know, we put it over the door so every anti-Semite in the neighborhood will know that we live here in case they want to burn down the house.

Larry

You got the huge vagina and you're blaming it on the small penis. You know, it's not really necessary.

Larry

You know what? Nevermind, alright? I-I'll take my liver out! I'll walk around with a dialysis machine hanging out of me for the rest of my life, no problem!