TV show quotes
[while searching the victim's apartment] The naughty drawer.
What?
[picks up a bag of weed that's in the drawer and sniffs it] Hydroponic, medical grade, put-you-on-your-ass, send-you-to-dreamy-land weed. Nurses always got the good stuff. [smells the weed again]
Uh, I take it you're aware of the lab's random drug testing policy?
Oh yeah, I got a bottle of clean urine in my locker just in case. I'm kidding.
[laughs awkwardly] Good one. Here, I'll bag it. [Catherine smells it before she bags it]
Do you know Carla Perotti?
Who?
Carla Perotti!
Oh, yeah. She was one of my models, she's a lovely girl. [looks at the picture] That's a cheap imitation of my work.
Well, you have to take it up with the coroner because she's dead for real.
Maybe you, uh, maybe you bumped into him at a grocery store or something.
I don't go out. I don't shop. I don't bump.
But you do paint dead people.
I paint people who look dead, and you would weep if you knew how much I make doing that. If you haven't noticed our culture seems to be obsessed with sex and death.
I've noticed.
I'm gonna save you some time because I know what's on your mind. I don't kill my models. I don't even bang them much anymore, occasionally, of course, but I find not with same gusto and verve with as the days go by.
You bang Carla Perotti?
I'm not doing women.
You mind if I look around?
I'd like to paint you in the nude.
I don't do nude. Where would I pin the badge?
Exactly.
Lividity says the victims died in the positions in which they were discovered.
So, what does that mean? That the killer's using some sort of gas chamber?
I think so. He lures someone back to his place, slips them a sedative, then re-dresses and positions the bodies inside a sealed container, waits for the carbon monoxide to go to work. Once the bodies are in full rigor, he's got about ten hours to place them and have them discovered.
Now that we know the recipe, let's find the cook.
Dr. Grissom! May I have a word with you?
Yes, of course. Come in.
I wonder why it is you hold what I do in such obvious contempt?
Excuse me?
The last time we spoke, you mentioned that you were having problems with Hank. Now, out of concern for you and because I take my job very seriously, I started asking around.
Oh...
And was met with a mixture of bafflement and smirks by most of your staff until David Hodges took pity on me and informed me that Hank was your dog.
I apologize. It was a serious question.
Oh, really?
For the last few weeks my dog's been listless, barely eats, and I just wondered that if you thought it was possible that pets could take on the emotion of their owners?
Well, companion animals were bred to respond to human beings. At some level, I do believe that they resonate with what their owners are feeling. So, what are you feeling?
I've just been a little distracted lately. Uh, having a hard time focusing on the details.
That's normal.
Not for me. [pause] I wondered if you knew, typically how long this lasts?
There's no typical. Days, weeks, sometimes years, the important thing is to acknowledge it, but you do have to talk about it, and if not with me, then with somebody else and soon.
[flipping the pictures facedown on the table] I can't stand looking at inferior art. It sears into my consciousness like bad Mexican food.
He's ready to talk but only to someone who understands his work. I'm ready to slap him around, but I figured you could show some restraint.
I'll try.
[to a group of girls] Finish puberty somewhere else, me and Mr. Big here need to talk.
Does she have many friends?
Money buys you a lot of people, but, but not a lot of friends.
Oh, hey! Gil! So I scored two tickets to this Alec Knight lecture. He's of course, you know, challenging the Russian claim that the Romonov remains found at Yekaterinburg are authentic. [Grissom looks slightly confused] Open bar.
Are you asking me out?
Is that a yes?
My shoes are ruined. Why didn't you tell me to wear boots? Or better yet, hire some more CSIs.
Trust me, you were my last choice.
Thank you.
Ran tox on hamburger head, lows levels of THC and alcohol. For what it's worth I don't think he was injecting weed or beer into his nipples. Although, this, uh, one time Hodges and I were growing botox and he goes and he injects it...
It's okay Henry, I don't need to know anymore.
[Grissom walks out of the room.]
You're a doctor, is that normal?
Grissom being socially awkward? Yeah, that's normal.
If you speak English now would be a good time to start...
If it's going to get me out of here quicker, I'll be William freaking Shakespeare.
(about the victim) Attractive girl, on drugs, on the street, with an ex-con, and no I.D.
Sounds like a street hooker.
Yeah. But not someone who pays for plastic surgery.
Ah, well, maybe it's a business investment, courtesy of her pimp.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's CSI: Crime Scene Investigation pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
