Riley quotes from CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Riley

Your husband's note, whatever it says it's... it's not going to take away your doubts or your questions. Some people just can't be saved.

Doc Robbins

[upon seeing Riley shine a UV light over her teeth] Well, I always thought it was cool that teeth fluoresced but veneers didn't. How'd you get them?

Riley

Somebody bet me that I couldn't jump into a lake with a rope swing in my mouth.

Doc Robbins

And that pulled the teeth out?

Riley

No, but it sure did hurt my neck. On the way home I hit a fire hydrant.

Doc Robbins

And you bumped the steering wheel with your mouth?

Riley

No, I was on my bike at the time. I flew over the hydrant and crashed into the cross bar of a chain link fence.

Doc Robbins

With your mouth?

Riley

My shoulder, broke my clavicle.

Doc Robbins

Okay then, how'd you lose the teeth?

Riley

[points to each tooth] This one was a root canal. This one a post and a crown. And this one I uh, I was in college, I woke up one morning and it was gone. I don't know what happened to it.

Riley

[while searching the victim's apartment] The naughty drawer.

Catherine

What?

Riley

[picks up a bag of weed that's in the drawer and sniffs it] Hydroponic, medical grade, put-you-on-your-ass, send-you-to-dreamy-land weed. Nurses always got the good stuff. [smells the weed again]

Catherine

Uh, I take it you're aware of the lab's random drug testing policy?

Riley

Oh yeah, I got a bottle of clean urine in my locker just in case. I'm kidding.

Catherine

[laughs awkwardly] Good one. Here, I'll bag it. [Catherine smells it before she bags it]

Catherine

Lividity says the victims died in the positions in which they were discovered.

Riley

So, what does that mean? That the killer's using some sort of gas chamber?

Grissom

I think so. He lures someone back to his place, slips them a sedative, then re-dresses and positions the bodies inside a sealed container, waits for the carbon monoxide to go to work. Once the bodies are in full rigor, he's got about ten hours to place them and have them discovered.

Nick

Now that we know the recipe, let's find the cook.

Catherine

So this guy gets out of jail and under the running time of The Godfather, he's dead.

Riley

Well, a lot of people die at the end of Godfather.

Riley

How do we know Cora wasn't packing? The father of her son was a gangster, she was living with a gangster, I wouldn't put it past her.

Grissom

Well, let's see. [grabs the vic's jeans]

Riley

Most woman's clothes don't have a place to hide a gun, that's uh, that's what purses are for.

Grissom

You think they shot each other

Riley

Why not? There's motive. The evidence suggests it.

Grissom

Where are their guns?

Riley

Dead man with a gun in the hood, gone in sixty seconds. Jin skips town because this family dispute uncovers his once invisible gang. He leaves the booby trap because he's angry about it.

Grissom

It's possible. It's also possible that Jin shot both vics. Which is what the kid said and he was the closest witness.

Riley

If your uncle and your mother shot each other, you would probably blame the gang banger too.

Grissom

Okay, pilgrim. We'll settle this on the street.

Robbins

You want COD on Janelle Rowe?

Riley

Bullet to the head?

Robbins

Exsanguination from transection of the jugular by a .38 caliber round, if you please.

Catherine

Tetanus shot hurt more than the crazy lady attacking me.

Riley

You going to turn into a vampire now?

Catherine

Well, I already work nights so I don't think anybody's going to notice.

Hodges

Ah, the 70s. Recession, energy crisis, conflict in the Middle East, my how times have changed.

Riley

Least we don't have to put up with disco.

Hodges

It's an old Hux Club casino chip.

Riley

Hampton Huxley, the dead porno mag guy?

Hodges

No, it's not porno, it's a lifestyle. For one brief shining moment in the 80s scantily-clad Hux Club kittens, serving cocktails and dealing blackjack was the pinnacle of Las Vegas high society.

Wendy

How'd you get in?

Hodges

Sadly only through the glossy pages of the magazine, which I purchased for the articles.