David Hodges quotes from CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Hodges

And unlike some of the men in this lab whose initials are Greg Sanders she probably washes her hands.

Hodges

Would you ever bleach your hair? (Sara looks up from the microscope) I wouldn't, it's so Greg Sanders.

Hodges

Group, I'd like you to meet Dr. Raymond Langston, Nick Stokes and Greg Sanders. These are our CSI field agents. They go out and collect all those little bits of evidence, and then they bring them to me for answers. [about the burned victim] Ooh! Looks like they're cooking up a searing mystery today.

Sara

What do you think caused these marks?

Hodges

Give me more time. I'm not a miracle worker.

Sara

Well, that's obvious, Hodges. If you were a miracle worker, you wouldn't be rude.

Hodges

I wasn't being rude. I was being curt. Rude would be, "When I know, you'll know." Friends?

Sara

No.

Catherine

We have a bigger problem than we thought we did.

Hodges

Why are you looking at me?

Catherine

I'm not looking at you.

Hodges

Yes you are!

Catherine

Okay...

Sara

Girl's out at the lake. She meets some random guy she knows nothing about and she goes off with him.

Hodges

She places herself in a bad situation.

Sara

And bad things happen.

Hodges

Hey, I heard about court today. Must have been embarrassing, huh?

Warrick

Hodges, why'd you leave L.A. Again? Never mind, it's probably none of my business.

Grissom

What's it used for?

Hodges

Mostly Greg-Sanders-Wear. Um, names, airband logos, inane sayings, anything that could be put on a t-shirt.

Grissom

So, Greg, how do you explain adhesive and toilet bowl cleanser on the gun?

Greg

I don't know. I can tell you the toilets in the club had blue water.

Grissom

At a crime scene, Greg?

Hodges

Everybody knows you hold it.

Grissom

You go across the street or next-door, somewhere other than the scene, until you've cleared the restroom. Did you clear the restroom?

Greg

No.

Grissom

Well, you could've flushed away evidence, wiped away fingerprints from the handle. Make sure you include this in your field notes.

Hodges

(to Greg) Good thing you didn't need to take a spelling test to work the field, funtain water!

Greg

My people are Norwegian, that's how we spell it.

Hodges

(sighs)

Greg

So was the funtain water in her lungs?

Grissom

You sniffed it?

Hodges

That disgust you?

Grissom

No. Actually it's the first thing you've ever done to impress me.

Catherine

It's hard to look and not touch isn't it?

Hodges

That poor kids has been working her tail off, only fair considering how DNA gets most of the glory these days.

Hodges

How old were you when you first got drunk?

Nick

Oh, 16.. 17..

Hodges

Amortized over a generation, 12's about right?

Nick

So you're saying two generations from now, four-year-olds are just gonna be getting trashed?

Hodges

Pre-school graduation parties are going to be off the hook.

Sara

Hey doc.

Al Robbins

Two dead bodies, both were in perfect health.

Sara

I am so hoping you have more in the report than that.

Al Robbins

Well there are two toxins that can turn a body pink post mortem.

Sara

We already ruled out carbon monoxide.

Al Robbins

Which leaves one, cyanide ingestion. Interesting fact about cyanide, not all everyone can smell it.

Sara

Right, it's a genetic quirk.

Al Robbins

Unfortunately, I don't have that ability.

Hodges

The nose has arrived.

Nick

Are you baggin' Z's right now, man?

Hodges

I was just having the greatest dream.

Warrick

You were out.

Hodges

It was the 80's and I had this Don Johnson beard, you know, the Miami Vice stubble. It just gave me this air of danger. My lady loved it.