CSI: Crime Scene Investigation quotes

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(About trace evidence)
Grissom: What's it used for?
Hodges: Mostly Greg-Sanders-Wear. Um, names, airband logos, inane sayings, anything that could be put on a t-shirt.

(After Grissom pulls the SUV off of the road during her run)
Catherine: What are you taking a leak? The follow car is supposed to stay with the runner! We've been training for months, man. 20 C.S.I.s, 120 miles.
Grissom: Don't blame me. Blame him. (shines his flashlight on a corpse)

(When a corpse found on the roadside turns out to be a LAPD SES officer)
Catherine: So much for the race.
Grissom: At least we didn't come last.

(When Grissom wants a blood sample)
Todd Coombs: This is harassment. I've already given you guys a DNA sample.
Grissom: You know that bone marrow donation you gave to your brother? I checked your medical records, his body rejected it and he died. I'm guessing that's when you found out about your unique condition.
Todd Coombs: The doctors explained it. I'm a creature of myth.
Grissom: A chimera. A head of a lion, body of a goat, tail of a dragon. You're a genetic anomoly. One person two completely different sets of DNA.

Archie: Whoa-ho!
Warrick: What you got?
Archie: Ultimate power. I could program this bad boy to make me a cup of coffee.

Archie: You know, if I had my choice about how I was going to go out, it would not be electrocution. I think an aneurysm in my sleep, quick and painless.
Warrick: I like surprises.

Brass: It's not as bad as it looks.
Sheriff Atwater: It never looks good when a suspect dies in custody.

Brass: Well, the rancher's going to get off, Linda's dead, and Wolfie... skates with a misdemeanor.
Catherine: We took one look at those furry suits and thought "foul play," but this was really just a domestic dispute gone mad.
Grissom: Fur and loathing in Las Vegas.

Brass: Will Warshall, this is Catherine Willows, from the Crime Lab.
Will Warshall: There's something very wrong in the world if a woman like you is only handling test tubes.
Catherine: If you think that's all I handle, you're not as smart as you think.

Catherine: How many cops are in town this weekend?
Grissom: Twenty thousand. And the road is closed to civilians.
Catherine: Spring break with a badge. Well, this ought to be fun. Every suspect's in law enforcement.

Catherine: So, it's gone from intentional to accidental to personal. Who have we got?
Warrick: Nick's girlfriend (Nick laughs)

Catherine: We're mid-case. Why do we have to do this now?
Grissom: Well, unless I get this evaluation in, I'm gonna get written up.
Catherine: Okay. My goals...Oh, all right, okay, for starters, I'd like two consecutive nights off. I would like to cut my triples down to 10 instead of the usual 20, and I would love to find a reliable babysitter so I could have myself some kind of a personal life.
Grissom: You don't have a personal life?
Catherine: Write this down: I haven't had sex in six - no, seven months!
[Grissom stops writing on the evaluation and he looks at her]
Grissom: How can I help?
[Catherine's eyes widen]
Grissom: You... Advance, I mean. You... have any interest in changing sections in the lab? For instance.
Catherine: Gil, how do you do this? Honestly, how do you juggle scheduling and vacations and time...
Grissom: The goal of any supervisor is to teach someone to take his place someday.
Catherine: Are you goin' some place?
Grissom: You never know.
Catherine: Are you considering me?
Grissom: Why not? You're certainly qualified. [She gets up to leave] But a CSI who uses the DNA lab to establish her own paternity calls into question her judgement. Don't you think?
[He hands her the evaluation to sign and she thumbs through it]
Catherine: You left that out. Ar-are you covering for me?
Grissom: I believe that we dealt with this issue, handled it internally. As far as I'm concerned it's dead. And besides you'll never do it again. So, just sign your name by the red X.
Catherine: Before I sign, um... since we're putting all of our cards on the table there's something you should know, Sam Braun wrote me a check and I cashed it.
Grissom: For how much?
Catherine: Enough where Lindsey and I can do anything, and not enough to where we can do nothing.
Grissom: Sam Braun was a suspect in one of your murder cases, how does this not look like a pay off?
Catherine: I consulted a lawyer. It's a check from a father to a daughter it is completely out of departmental jurisdiction.
Grissom: What about conflict of interest? Not just for you but for this lab.
Catherine: Gil, I would never you or the lab.
Grissom: [Cutting her off and getting angry] Maybe not legally, but ethically? [She sighs and looks at her lap and then back at him] What else should I know, Catherine?
Catherine: That's everything. [She signs the sheet and leaves]

Catherine: Well, I like hairy chests, but I'm not about to bop a six-foot weasel!

Catherine: Whoa, this isn't half bad for college kids.
Sara: Yeah, why live in a one room flea bag when you can pool your resources and live like this.
Catherine: Hey how about it, you, me, Warrick, Nick, Grissom?
Sara: Oh, nah, not Grissom.
[Catherine and Sara walk into the house. Water is pouring down, almost like it's raining, from the second story and the two police officers on scene are using umbrellas]
Catherine: What the hell is this?
Officer: Ma'am, you may want to take one of these. [The officer hands Sara an umbrella]
Sara: Thank you, thanks!
Catherine: Where's the body?
Officer: Upstairs.
Sara: Upstairs?
Officer: Yeah.
[long pause]
Catherine: It's raining MAN JUICE?
Sara: Hallelujah?
[One of the officers dashes over to give them two pairs of boots]
Officer: You might want to wear these.
Sara: Thank you.

Construction Worker: Trade you a hammer for a screw.
Sara: Name please.
Construction worker: Tell you mine, you tell me yours. Uh, come on baby, stuck with these ugly fools all day, pretty girl comes by, just having a little fun.
Sara: Yeah, a murder always makes me feel a little randy too.