[About a wad of hair found in a drain. Hodges thinks it smells woodsy]
Grissom: You sniffed it?
Hodges: That disgust you?
Grissom: No. Actually it's the first thing you've ever done to impress me.

[after Dr. Robbins has performed an autopsy on a living man, who later passes on]
Dr. Robbins: Alright David, take two.

[After finding civet oil and ipecac on the blue cat suit]
Greg:That's what you get when you eat...

[After finding out the drowned woman had fried calamari before she died]
Catherine: Now tell me, why are we here?
Grissom: 'Cuz it's the only place within ten miles of Calville Bay that serves calamari.
Catherine: And you know this because...?
Grissom: I come here for calamari.
Catherine: Oh. Alone?
Grissom: No. Sometimes I have a beer with it.

[After getting punched in the head by a paparazzo]
Catherine: [Hands him an ice pack] Ice.
Grissom: I don't need this.
Catherine: Just do it.
[Grissom holds the ice pack on his head]

[After they got done putting red rods into a police car, indicating where the bullets hit it]
Nick: Looks like porcupine.
Sara: There's not enough room between rods for a human being to fit.
Nick: I know. [sighs] Bell and Adams must've been really swervin' and weavin'.
Sara: 78 bullet holes. And Bell wasn't hit until he got out of the car.
Nick: And I heard Bell was a rookie, barely off training. It was just his time I guess.

[Analyzing the boxers found on the victim]
Catherine: Alright, what do those look like to you?
Greg: Semen stains.
Catherine:: Yeah.
Greg: Which on a man's underwear aren't exactly probative.
Catherine: No.
Greg: I can't tell you how long they've been there or how often the guy changes his shorts. You know, I knew guys who could go up to four days on one single pair of tighty whities.
Catherine: Thanks for puttin' that picture in my brain.

[At a community meeting, in a church]
Grissom: Hello. My name is Doctor Gil Grissom. I'm the night shift supervisor of the Las Vegas Police Department's crime lab. I'm not a police officer, I'm a scientist.
Shooter's Brother: You work for the cops, that makes you a cop. You're not on our side.
Grissom: Actually, I'm a forensics expert. My job is to collect physical evidence from a crime scene to determine who did what to whom and how did they do it. I've been asked to come here today by the Mayor and Sheriff Berdic to present our analysis of the evidence in this case to your community.
Shooter's Mom: Why here? Why should we believe your evidence?
Grissom: Physical evidence cannot be wrong; it doesn't lie. It's not influenced by emotion or prejudice, it's not confused by the excitement of the moment. I'm here [looks up] in God's house to explain to you the truth about exactly what happened the other day.

[Catherine and Sara have just seized a carnival as evidence and Sara is grinning madly]
Catherine: [annoyed] What?
Sara: Well, this is fun.
Catherine: As opposed to...?
Sara: A more scientific approach.

[Catherine comes in to talk to Greg, who's been reviewing video surveillance tapes for about 8 hours]
Catherine: Tell me something.
Greg: I think my eyes need band-aids.

[Drawing a sample from a cadaver's bladder]
Doc Robbins: Urine... you're out.
Catherine: Home pregnancy test, huh?
Doc Robbins: It's about 10 times cheaper than the brand sold by our medicial supply company. But just as accurate.
Catherine: Eye on the bottom line. I find that very---
Doc Robbins: Sexy?
Catherine: Prudent. But that was a good try.
Doc Robbins: Ah, plus sign. You know what that means.
Catherine: Who's yo daddy?

[Eddie, Catherine's ex is accused of rape]
Grissom: So, how's the thing going on Eddie Willows?
Warrick: What thing?
Grissom: The thing that I told Catherine to pass off to you.
Warrick: (realizes and tries to cover) Oh, good. Um... we just put some stuff through the lab.
Grissom: Get ahold of the DMV?
Warrick: I was just about to.
Grissom:(slams the locker door shut as Catherine walks in) Warrick, why would you call the DMV for a rape case? (Warrick sighs at getting caught)
Catherine: Okay. I didn't hand it off.
Grissom: Really?
Catherine: I'm sorry, Warrick.
Warrick: If you want me to suave anyone, I got to know the shot.
Catherine: I know. (Warrick goes to the other side of the room) I'm sorry. (Catherine walks over to Grissom, trying to explain) I'm doing this for Lindsey.
'Grissom: You so much as breathe on the evidence, it's contaminated and I end up the bad guy.
'Catherine: Eyes, no hands.
Grissom: What's the status?
Catherine: Skin samples from under the women's fingernails are consistent with Ed's. I saw some bruises. But Eddie's style has always been very... involved. Vigorous.
Grissom: ...Vigorous.
Warrick: She's trying to tell you Eddie likes it rough.
Catherine: Thank you, Warrick. Eddie said that she was into it.
'Grissom: "He said. She said?" It's about the evidence, Catherine. (he goes to leave but turns back to look at her) And you may not like where it takes you. (leaves, Catherine stands there for a moment)

[Greg is wearing a suit and tie and attempting to flatten out his hair for court]
Sara: Wow. Look at you, Mr. straightedge. I did not know that your hair could do that.
Greg: I look like a dork.
Sara: No, no, no. You look like a pro, which is what you are.

[Greg opens cupboard door and pulls book out]
Nick: Always thought you kept your porn in there.
Greg: I move it around.
Greg: Okay, now, this is a 66-kilodalton globular protein, composed of two disulfide-linked sub-units, A and B.
Nick: Very impressive.
Greg: And I know what you all think of me -- I'm just another pretty face who got to where I am by sleeping with Catherine.

[Grissom and Catherine are examining a head]
Grissom: Do you think a woman could've done this?
Catherine: I could.
[Grissom glances at her, then back to the head]
Grissom: Scared of you...