Mia quotes from CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Mia

I don't eat out.

Greg

Never ever?

Mia

I don't like expectorant.

Greg

Really?

Mia

Kitchen staff talk while they prepare your food and then the wait staff repeats your order over the plate, and by the time you get your meal, there are several DNA samples coating it.

Greg

Wow.

Mia

Yeah. No, thank you. I don't eat birthday cake either.

Greg

Oh, blowing out the candles.

Mia

Ugh. Don't get me started.

Greg

Mia Dickerson, Warrick Brown.

Warrick

Welcome.

Mia

Look, I already know you have a running bet with another CSI over how long the new hire lasts, so let's skip it. You got something for DNA?

Mia

Nine vibrators, five plugs and four strands of beads.

Greg

And a partidge in a pear tree. Some kids are happy playing in the sandbox, others want every toy in the store. And apparently these are dishwasher safe.

Mia

I'll swab the nooks and crannies for semen and vaginal secretions and epthelials, but don't get your hopes up.

Greg

Oh, my money's on bag number two.

Mia

Twenty-six used condoms.

Greg

Just like being back in college, right?

Mia

Sara said you didn't lose your virginity until you were twenty-two.

Mia

I've analyzed condoms before, Greg. Just not in bulk.

Mia

Hey. Want to talk about semen?

Sara

Okay. (Mia hands Sara the file) Okey-dokey.

Mia

The semen on the vic's doorknob and the neighbor's doorknob is consistent with Trip's DNA. So, I'm thinking that Trip put a trophy condom on his neighbor's door and then transferred a trace of his reproductive material back onto his own doorknob.

Sara

You've uh, you've heard of trophy condoms?