Hank quotes from Corner Gas

Hank

Oscar! I think I just met The Littlest Hobo!

Oscar

How tall was he? Did he ask you for money?

Hank

No, no, no, from the TV show. You know, Canada's Lassie? "There's a voice keeps on calling me …."

Oscar

A hobo is calling you?

Hank

No, Hobo's the dog.

Oscar

A dog is calling you?

Hank

No, the voice is calling the dog.

Oscar

The dog hears voices!?

Hank

Is Aruba near Cuba?

Lacey

They don't arrange countries phonetically.

Hank

It would be cool if they did, though. Then Canada would be next to … Granada.

Lacey

It's Grenada.

Hank

Yeah, right! And we live in Ca-nay-da. So, did he tell you where he was going next?

Lacey

Yeah! Yeah, he just landed in Madrid, which is right next to, uh … Fadrid.

Hank

Oh! Lucky skunk.

Lacey

Hank? He's not lucky: He's delusional.

Hank

Where's Incommunicado?

Wanda

You're familiar with the island of Ignoramus?

Hank

To defeat a child, you gotta think like a child!

Brent

You are uniquely qualified.

Brent

[running from kids] I've had it with your stupid plans, Now it's time for my stupid plans.

Hank

With your knowledge of city stuff, and my knowledge of non-city stuff, we know all stuff!

Lacey

We know all stuff. Wow, that does sound tempting, but I'm not really drawn to a night of drinking beer and watching TV.

Hank

Well, there are prizes.

Lacey

What kind of prizes?

Hank

Beer and a TV.

Lacey

I feel like we don't connect…

Lacey

Why should I pay you? These tips are for my service.

Can I get a coffee?

Lacey

In a sec!

Wanda

Come on! Betty or Veronica? Anyone can think of that.

Lacey

This is what I'm saying.

Hank

Yeah? Well, I don't need this! I quit!

Lacey

You're quitting a job you never had.

Hank

It's finally sinking in, isn't it? No more questions from me.

Lacey

[to Wanda] Thanks for sticking up for me.

Wanda

I got your back, sister! [they high-five]

Hank

All great artists overcome adversity.

Brent

Actually most of 'em go nuts, lop off an ear or two.

Hank

Lop off my ear!? Some help you are!

Hank

If only we had some kind of bionic eye that made things bigger.

Hank

(Adjusting the dials on the telescope that Brent's looking through). How's that?

Brent

I can read the ingredients on the chips. Oh wait now it looks blurry. (image clears showing a scowling Wanda). Now it looks angry.

Wanda

Wow, does that ever look like my telescope. Oh except this ones got two extra knobs.

Lacey

Seriously, Wanda. I need your complete, impartial opinion.

Wanda

Alright. I'll be completely impartial. I'll listen to you and Dinglenuts(referring to Hank).

Hank

D-dinglenuts?

Lacey

There were no "Terms".

Wanda

You mean to say that you didn't stipulate finite terms, establish clear, unambiguous points of chronology, duty, and ultimately remuneration?

Hank

Nope. None of those words!

Oscar

Ungrateful ungrates!

Hank

Ingrates. I think that's ingrates.

Oscar

Ingrateful ingrates!

Lacey

Why did you blow up the tractor?

Hank

… Oscar told me to. He said Ce—. He said th-that don't bother trying to fix the tractor, Ce-Cecil told him, just blow it up.

Brent

Gilligan. Alright listen up everybody: Due to unforseen … Hank, we're not gonna be blowing up a barn.

Wanda

I was going to tell him he could lay down on the highway and discuss it with speeding traffic, but a blog ???

Hank

Yeah, a blog. That's short for weblog: Web 'cause its on the Internet, and … hmm.

Brent

'Cause it was originally written on wood?

Wanda

Well, why waste this on us when you could put it on the Internet and have the world ignore it?

Hank

Whole world, huh?

Wanda

[to Hank] If you are not injured from this accident, you will be when I'm done with you!

Hank

I think I broke my wrist.

Wanda

Damn!

Hank

I know!

Hank

You don't know how it goes down! You don't even know when it goes down! It just went down and you didn't even know!

Oscar

You don't know me, where I'm from, what my sass factor is!

Hank

You beat Brent! You're Queen of the Knobs!

Karen

Please don't call me that.