Hank quotes from Corner Gas

Hank

Yeah-ah, I got this friend, who egged a cable van.

We only take questions about pets.

Hank

[pause] I have this pet, who egged a cable van...

Wanda

Hey Olivia, the new comics are in.

Hank

Oh thanks. Olivia?

Wanda

Newton-John? Let's get physical?

Hank

Oh no, not right now, I'm about to work out.

Oscar

Did you see that? A mouse just ran across here it was as big as a gopher.

Hank

If it was as big as a gopher you know what it might've been.

Oscar

It wasn't a gopher.

Hank

I was gonna say squirrel.

Wanda

Is it taco?

Hank

No.

Wanda

Ketchup?

Hank

No.

Wanda

Napkin?

Hank

Yes.

Wanda

You lying, sack of-

Wanda

It wasn't napkin!

Hank

I thought you were offering me a napkin.

Lacey

Our first order of business is-

Hank

I second that.

Lacey

What?

Hank

Every motion should have a second.

Davis

Don't be so formal. Chair recognizes Lacey.