A character in Corner Gas
Played by Fred Ewanuick
Corner Gas · 223 quotes
4th most-quoted character in Corner Gas: in 50 of its 223 quotes
Most scenes with: Brent (20), Wanda (13), Lacey (10)
HankHey Oscar, does your friend Russell like to lie on the kitchen floor with a phone in his hand?
No.
HankThen either this guy ain't Russell, or your friend Russell's dead.
[Oscar runs over and sees Russell is dead.]
Told ya he was here.
HankI'm like Wanda, I don't have any fears.
What about bees?
HankI don't have any bees either. [Pause] Oh, fear of bees, right, yeah.
Fear is natural. It's what makes us human. It's what separates us from the animals.
That, and opposable thumbs. And pants.
HankRollerblading.
Any kind of bipedal locomotion.
We can make fire. Animals can't make fire.
HankWell, if you don't count dragons.
Actually, there's a lot that separates us from animals.
You had me at pants.
This is the Dog River Howler after all, the info is sketchy at best. Remember last year when those coyotes were comin' into town, eatin' people's cats.
HankPlus, the plural of werewolf is werewolves... with a "v".
Also a good point.
HankYou can't just leave me here! It's like 10 miles to town!
It's your house, you'll live.
HankAll I have to eat here are pickles and Pop Rocks!
You'll probably live.
Okay. A plane crashes on the border of Alberta and Saskatchewan. Where do they bury the survivors?
HankHmmm. Well, I guess you gotta figure out which province has more of the plane.
The plane is equally divided between the two provinces.
HankOh.
[repeats herself] A plane crashes directly on the border of Alberta and Saskatchewan. Where do they bury the survivors?
HankOhhhhh! The survivors.... One on each side.
A rooster lays an egg on a roof; which side does it roll down?
HankThe Alberta side! No wait, trick question, the roof is flat.
Nope. It's a slanted roof.
HankHe he.... the egg is square!
[Karen and Davis look at each other stunned.]
HankNo?
HankHow does that syrup even pass for music? I mean, whatever happened to rock'n'roll, man?
Exactly.
You know what's really depressing?
That I just agreed with Hank about something.
That's peculiar and unnerving.
Let me guess, you're broke.
HankWhat makes you say that?
Because you're staring at the cash the way Hank stares at cash. [pause] Oh my God, you've become your own metaphor.
HankLook, I'm just a little short this week. Can you spot me a tensky?
Tensky; you always give it a cute little name so it won't seem like real money. Like that five-O I lent him last week. Sorry Hank, you're a bad riskaroony.
HankWell what am I gonna do for cash? Go pick bottles outta the ditch like some kinda hobo? Pfft! Cause I did that yesterday.
HankWe should get Wunder Face back together again!
Thunderface. And why would we do that?
It's not the worst idea I've ever heard.
Okay that's twice you've agreed with Hank.
Is there some strange planetary lineup today?
HankHey, I take good care of this truck!
Is that why there's smoke billowing out of the hood?
HankAw, man. I can taste Wes eating those nachos now.
All right, let's ignore Hank's disturbing image.
You just bought $10,000 worth of stocks in 20 seconds. Congratulations: You're the stupidest man in the world!
HankOh yeah? Let's see you do it faster!
Fast is not the point. You have to know what you're investing in. Study the numbers.
Hank, your cousin just called, he said 11 bucks.
Hank[laughs]
Gimme a thousand of this one, … uh … a thousand of this one, uhh … uhh … and two thousand of these.
HankI had a dream about your mom.
You have five seconds to make my skin stop crawling.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Corner Gas pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
