I just wonder if this whole so-called allergy thing might not be psychosomatic.
Sam, I'm very impressed. That's a complex psychological concept coming from a man who who has to write "L" and "R" on the bottom of his shoes.
S3 E10Diane's Allergy
Isn't it interesting that I automatically spring to mind?
No. You automatically spring to mind whenever I hear something stupid.
S3 E11Peterson Crusoe
Hey, hey, hey... stop laughing at my pal here, huh? This guy had the only dream more ridiculous than mine.
Oh, yeah?
A lot more, I might add.
Is that right, Marco Rollo?
Hey, I've gotta buy a drink for The Great Cliffini.
Oh, next round is on me for Ferdinand Ma-jelly-belly!
Listen to The Flying Rear-end-a!
Oh, is that right, Christopher Colum-butt?
[about Carla] She should be over this by now. It's been weeks. I've robbed her of her zest for life.
You do have that effect on people.
S3 E12A Ditch in Time
[about Amanda] Maybe I'm being an alarmist. She wouldn't be out if she still had problems.
You're out.
You can't give her some standard pre-arranged speech you have for dumping women.
I do not have a standard pre-arranged speech for dumping women. Come on, every situation is different. For example now the speech I dumped you with will be totally inappropriate.
I don't think you dumped me.
Well you see that was the beauty of it. Come on give me credit will you, for knowing I couldn't possibly have one speech for every situation.
Yeah, he's got six.
S3 E13Whodunit?
Bennett Ludlow is a wonderful catch.
There's some things he doesn't know about me.
Well a little mystery is good for a marriage. What haven't you told him?
Well I haven't been completely honest about my kids.
What haven't you told him about your kids?
That they live.
There are two mysteries going on here. First, Carla's been seeing this very classy guy. Second, your pal has been avoiding you two like the plague. Of course that's the lesser of the two mysteries.
Sam, you're talking about one of the most distinguished and accomplished men of letters I know dating a common barmaid.
You're dating a barmaid.
Well she wasn't a barmaid when I met her.
Oh that's right. She was a lunatic.
S3 E14The Heart is a Lonely Snipe Hunter
How come you're not going on that fishing trip, Coach?
I don't like the smell of them.
Yeah, fish stink.
No, the guys. Out in that sun all day, stuck in the muck. Who needs it?
[the gang took Frasier on a snipe hunt; he returns and wants them to go out again; Diane takes him into the office]
There's no such thing as a snipe hunt. They played a childish prank on you.
I know that.
What?
Good Lord, Diane. A man does not crouch in the woods for two hours without having a revelation or two.
So this is part of a plan and I unwittingly helped you.
Yes.
Frasier, how devious. But, why didn't you tell me?
Well, I couldn't trust you; you'd have thought it was too cruel.
Oh, are you kidding? I would've helped. Frasier, this is so unlike you.
No, but it's what guys do, darling... we screw each other to the wall. Boy, it's great to be one of the gang, I'll tell you.
S3 E15King of the Hill
Carla, I don't think you should be engaging in strenuous activity when you're with child.
If I didn't do things with child, I'd never leave the house. The only thing I ever did without child resulted in one.
[The guys in the bar are ogling the Playboy models]
Oh, this is disgusting. What kind of culture do I live in where they are the ideal woman?
Well, gee, Diane. You've gotta admit: they are beautiful.
Coach, take away all their make-up, all their expensive haircuts and those bodies... and what have you got?
You.
S3 E16Teacher's Pet
[about Sam] I never realized what a brain he is. I study all the time -- he sleeps in the classroom. He never takes a note and still he gets the great grades. No wonder he's Miss Purdy's favorite.
Miss Purdy?
Yeah, our beautiful school-teacher.
And Sam is her favorite?
Well, uh, I can't say that; but, uh, Sam's the only one I ever saw her kiss.
They kiss?
Yeah. I saw them smoochin' in the parking lot. I was putting up a notice there on the bulletin board.
With probing tongues?
No, Diane. With a thumbtack and my thumb.
Oh, my God. The thing I feared most has happened.
Your Living Bra died of boredom?
S3 E17The Mail Goes to Jail
As long as I'm carrying this bag there's one thing that will never touch these lips.
You mean there's something that wants to?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Cheers pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.