Coach Pantusso quotes from Cheers

Coach

[about War and Peace] Forget it Sam, no one can read four ounces a day.

Coach

What's the point of winning if you can't humiliate the other team?

Coach

How about tellers? You take tellers. They never tell you anything. They always ask questions. And interest, there's nothing interesting about it at all. It's boring. Oh and then the trust department, they got all the pens chained down to the tables. What kind of trust is that?

Coach

Norm, you're in here every night, doesn't your wife ever wonder where you're at?

Norm

Wonders... doesn't care, but she wonders.

Coach

[to Diane] Oh, hi there.

Diane

Hello.

Coach

[noticing her luggage] I hope someone told you the bus goes by here.

Sam

No, Coach, she's going to be sitting here for a while...

Diane

[taps on her glass to get Sam's attention] Excuse me. I hate to keep asking for special attention, but could you not discuss my private life with everyone that comes in?

Sam

What would you like me to tell them?

Diane

I don't care.

Sam

[to Coach] She's a hooker.

Coach

Ah.

Coach

Carla, how did you do it?

Carla

Nothing to it! I mean, I've been working real hard on this, haven't I Doc? I mean we has some great sessions. I just used this little trick Dr. Graham showed me. I imagined a small point way off in the distance.

Hey Carla, where's that beer I ordered?

Carla

SHUT UP, WE'RE CELEBRATING!! [tosses a beer mug to the man] And I just kept thinking of that point. He never fazed me, I'm telling you. A little deep breathing relaxation... [cut off by credits]

Coach

How's life treating you Norm?

Norm

Like I ran over its dog.

Daddy, isn't it obvious to you?

Coach

Nothing is ever obvious to me.

Look at me, Dad, I'm not--beautiful.

Coach

You look just like your mother.

And Mom was not-- [Pause] comfortable with her beauty.

Coach

But that's what made her more beautiful. Your mother grew more beautiful every day of her life.

Coach

It's the damnedest thing. I've been shivering all the way over here.

Diane

Well, Coach, you don't have a coat on. It's 30 degrees outside.

Coach

Oh, thank god. I thought I had malaria.

Coach

What's the story, Norm?

Norm

A thirsty guy walks into a bar. You finish it.

Diane

Did you ever have a pet?

Coach

You mean like an animal?

Coach

What's going on, Norm?

Norm

Science is seeking a cure for thirst and I happen to be the guinea pig.

Cliff

Carla made love to a PhD from MIT?

Coach

Hey look you guys, if you can't say it in front of me don't say it at all.

Norm

Congratulations! Unless you didn't want another kid.

Coach

Of course, she wanted the kid, Norm.

Carla

Sure I do. What penniless unmarried mother of four wouldn't.