TV show quotes
[To help a sick Cliff, Norm offers to deliver the rest of the mail on Cliff's route]
Ah, Norm, you're not trained. You're not qualified.
What qualified? You drop ‘em in a slot. A chimp could do it.
You're kiddin', no way. They did a study at the University of Michigan – chimps were 32% slower. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, they were better with customer relations and everything...
[A "Jacqueline Bisset" is coming to Boston; Sam needs her to marry him to win the bet]
I guess I ought to wear something kinda nice – my best outfit. Say, Diane, when you dream about me what am I wearing?
An anthill.
Hey, wait. I got an idea.
You mean you actually conceived something besides a child.
Whoa... a bitter and unprovoked attack. I like it.
Yeah, Cliffy had himself the "Ton O' T-Bone". For less than four bucks you get 24 ounces of USDA Choice "bef".
Bef? No, you mean beef.
Beef? Don't be ridiculous, Cliffy. That stuff is "bef". You see it's a Hungry Heifer trademark for a processed, synthetic – what – meat-like substance.
Ah, no.
What do you expect for four bucks? You see me complainin' about the "loobster"?
Sam is developing an interest in the Impressionists.
Hmm.
Hmm, what?
Hmm, this is suspicious. I think it's part of Sam's grand design to win you back.
Oh, not this again. It's starting to sound like a broken record.
Oh, now you're saying that I'm redundant, that I repeat myself, that I say things over and over!
Nick Tortelli, this is someone with whom you have absolutely nothing in common, my paramour Dr. Frasier Crane.
Doctor of what. Can you get any pills?
I'm a psychiatrist. Have we met? You wouldn't, by any chance, be the bogus missing link exhibited at the Amsterdam World's Fair?
No, but you're not the first person to ask me.
[about Carla being pregnant] Hey you got a guy, Carla?
No, I swallowed a beach ball. For your information I am not seeing anybody. But the guy who knocked me up and ran this time is ten times classier than you.
What will you have, Norm?
Well I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap.
It looks like beer, Norm.
Call me Mr. Lucky.
[Commenting on Sam and Diane's former relationship] Hey would you two mind if we move on to something a little more interesting than your star-crossed romance?
Come on, Norm. What could be more interesting than another gripping episode of "Young and the Chestless"?
Sam, Diane and I are going to Europe.
Europe? Overseas?
Well we were going to go to the local one but it's all booked up.
Listen to me. I'm sincere about this, I like you two and I want to see you both happy.
Thank you, Sam.
After all just because the two of us didn't travel well-
When did we ever travel?
Are you kidding me? We went through hell together.
Well it helps that you knew the language.
Cliff, you look terrible. Was today Sears catalogue day?
And that's not all, Spiegel's catalogue came out the same day. Yeah, it's a phenomenon that happens once every 27 years when both marketing strategies are in the same equinox.
Oh, Frasier, a letter from Cheers. No, wait... it's a Lillian Huxley's resume and a note: "Ha, ha! You're out of here forever!" Always nice to hear from Carla.
There's a lovely young thing. Perhaps I should just go and make my move.
Yeah go ahead and faint.
I'm sorry, Sam. What was I saying?
You don't know either? We gotta have a rule around here-when you speak at least one of us has gotta be listening.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Cheers pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
