TV show quotes
I know. I'll simply imagine the worst thing you could possibly tell me, and whatever your news is, it will pale in comparison. In fact, whatever it is, it, it'll be a relief! Okay, okay...what is the worst thing I can imagine?
[Pause.]
All right, I've got it. Lilith, your news please.
This afternoon, in a moment of EXTREME weakness...I cheated on you.
THAT WAS IT!! THAT WAS THE WORST THING!!!!
Try to remain calm!
How can I remain calm when you tell me you've slept with another man?! You SLUT!!!
Well, I'm off. I don't know what the future holds. Whatever happens, I only hope I can realize my full potential. To acquire things the old Lilith never had.
Like a body temperature?
That's very good, Carla. Incidentally, I've taken your little wisecracks for a few years now, you hideous gargoyle, and if you ever open that gateway to hell you call a mouth in my direction again, I'll snap off your extremities like dead branches and feed them to you at gunpoint.
Well, that was just rude.
I"M GOING TO JUMP, LILITH!!!
Normy, come on, will you? The buddy of ours is on the ledge, he's about to jump to his death. Let's go!
Jeez, you're right. I'd better go move my car.
Ah, Miss Tortelli... is that a new hairdo, or did someone toss a toaster in your bathtub? What am I saying - what would you be doing in a bathtub?
Cleaning you out of the drain.
Yeasty oil slick!
Bladder polyp!
Man witch!
Perverted goat boy!
Sluttish mole!
Seven o'clock tonight?
Make it 6:30.
[after the gang hears that John Allen Hill had a heart attack] Should we visit him at the hospital? Who wants to go? Come on you guys... he's our neighbor... we know him. We should see him in the hospital.
Rebecca, it's not like he's our best friend or anything.
Norm, that's not the point. The point is you have to pretend to be nice to people - that's what makes you a good person.
[Franklin "Brig" Howe has sent Rebecca to pack her things]
In the meantime, I'll just stay here and wait. Give me a beer.
[shows his empty mug] Sir, did I ever tell you that I was in the Coast Guard?
Coast Guard, huh? Well you must be very proud, Miss.
So, buy a girl a drink?
[after the gang learns that Rebecca stills get an allowance from her father] Imagine somebody getting an allowance at her age, eh? My ma cut me off when I was thirty. No ifs, ands or buts. And it hurt, I tell you - hurt like hell. Ah, but it had a happy ending.
Made you more self-reliant, Cliff?
Nah. A couple of years later her pension fund went bankrupt. She had to come crawling to me for some dough. I just gave her the old horse laugh. "What goes around," huh, boys?
[after Sam suggests he begin dating] Look, I just came off a seven year marriage. It's hard to think of replacing Lilith.
Just go to the morgue and open any drawer.
[to guests that have arrived at Cheers for their family reunion] I took the liberty of making name-tags for everybody. See: "Hello, My name's Rebecca". And this one is for you, Peter. [to Party Guest #1] And your name is...
We're all family. We know each other's names. [she walks away]
Let me make one out for you anyway: "B-I-T-C..."
[Norm is afraid he'll have to sleep with Dot Carroll, the IRS agent, to prevent the audit of his taxes.]
Relax, Norm. I've been brainstorming. I've come up with a plan.
I'm desperate. I'll try anything. Come on.
Tell you what, here's the plan: I go to the hotel in your place, right? I reach in, flick off the light, say "Room service for Dot Carroll". In the meantime, I got a big bag full of wild squirrels with sparklers attached to their tails. I drop 'em in the room; they run around terrified, setting off the alarms and the sprinklers... OK? In the ensuing hub-bub, she forgets all about her little date with you. Trust me - you think a cold shower's a mood killer? Try a bag of wild squirrels.
Thanks, Cliff, but you don't have to go to the trouble.
That's all right... I already got the squirrels.
Well Norm, you could get someone to impersonate Vera.
Well thanks Frasier, but I doubt that Ed Asner has time to hop on a plane to Boston.
[comes up behind Rebecca] Hey, there. Remember me?
Yes, I do. You're Carla's son, Gino. And I did not appreciate the nude photos of yourself that you sent.
You know, it's the best I could do with the machine at the mall.
Gino, would you forget about it. I'm not going to go out with you. You're much too young for me.
Yeah, right. Cu-Cu-Ca-Chu, Miss Howe.
So, how's the career going, Nick? Last time we chatted you were talking about marketing some kind of slot machine for the home.
Oh, yeah... "Flush and Win." It was a great idea. The only problem is the people had a difficult time retrieving their change
Who'd have thought it, Rebecca and Frasier? What's next, me and Carla!?
[Carla grabs him by the back of the head]
Don't say it, Clavin, don't you even think it!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Cheers pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
