Nick Tortelli quotes from Cheers

Carla

Nick, what the hell do you want?

Nick

Hey, is that the kind of hello I deserve?

Carla

No, bend over and I'll give it to you.

Nick

I need a simple favor.

Carla

Unless it's setting your eyebrows on fire, forget it.

Diane

Nick Tortelli, this is someone with whom you have absolutely nothing in common, my paramour Dr. Frasier Crane.

Nick

Doctor of what. Can you get any pills?

Frasier

I'm a psychiatrist. Have we met? You wouldn't, by any chance, be the bogus missing link exhibited at the Amsterdam World's Fair?

Nick

No, but you're not the first person to ask me.

Nick

[about Carla being pregnant] Hey you got a guy, Carla?

Carla

No, I swallowed a beach ball. For your information I am not seeing anybody. But the guy who knocked me up and ran this time is ten times classier than you.

Nick

Hello sweetcakes. You been thinking about me?

Diane

Only during flea and tick season.

Nick

Well in my neighborhood, that's all year round.

Diane

I'm sure it is.

Cliff

So, how's the career going, Nick? Last time we chatted you were talking about marketing some kind of slot machine for the home.

Nick

Oh, yeah... "Flush and Win." It was a great idea. The only problem is the people had a difficult time retrieving their change