Today I had to choose between two really great jobs. Couldn't make up my mind.
What'd you do?
I skipped them both and came in here. I think I made the right choice.
S8 E5The Two Faces of Norm
I'm sorry, I've never hired anyone before, I wouldn't know what to ask.
RRudy
Okay, but while you're thinking about it, let me buy you a beer.
You're hired!
S8 E6The Stork Brings a Crane
On this day in Boston's History? Yeah so they run this column every day. It tells you what happened 10 years ago, 50 years ago. What are we looking for? The last time she [Rebecca] had sex?
No no no, this only goes back 100 years.
Why are you all so interested in my sex life?
Somebody has to be.
Oh doctor, thank God I felt so isolated here. I guess I had false labor. I'm just so terribly embarrassed because I'm a doctor myself. I was so sure this was the real thing. Not to mention the fact that I was sure I was going to be a mother today. Now I have to go on waiting. I need someone to talk me though this and please please tell me what to do.
DDoctor
False labor. Go home.
S8 E7Death Takes a Holiday on Ice
I told you he was my husband. I had twins with Eddie.
GGloria
So what? So did I.
Yikes.
At least mine don't give you warts when you touch them.
It's not fair. I swear I get all the disadvantages of being married and none of the perks.
Wait, there are perks?
S8 E8For Real Men Only
How can you go back to a room full of people that think you're a total idiot? How do you do it Cliff?
I don't really like to divulge-- Hey!
My grandmother cleaned out her attic. Guess what she found?
Your grandfather.
No, he doesn't go in the attic.
S8 E9Two Girls for Every Boyd
Now this customer stuff is gonna be great. You know usually I'm so busy working, I miss out on all the witty conversations that go on around here.
[On the other side of the bar]
Norm, you seem to have a little cheese doodle dust in the corner there.
I didn't have any cheese doodles.
Last night you did.
I did? [licks lips] Wow that stuff really keeps, doesn't it?
[about his beard] So you really think it looks sexy, huh?
Oh yes, Yasser Arafat always makes me hot!
S8 E10The Art of the Steal
I want you to tell me straight. How good are your kids at breaking and entering anyway? And do not brag about them just because you're their mother.
Well that depends, what kind of system are we talking about here?
It's a Triton 5000 Sonic with laser beams.
They're not that good. But feel free to call if you're ever trapped in a late model car. They'll have you and the radio out in 60 seconds.
What is it with people nowadays? When I was a kid we used to keep our door unlocked all the time. We used to get ripped off a lot but we could at least get out of the damn house.
S8 E11Feeble Attraction
Hey, Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?
Yep, now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver, huh?
DDoris
Cliff, when you get out of the service, could we go out together?
You know Doris, there's actually no rule against mailmen dating women. It just sort of turns out that way.
S8 E12Sam Ahoy
We no longer think of ourselves as three individuals. We are three parts of the same machine, working together. Three people with one single purpose.
Not to drown.
All right, two single purposes; not to drown and win the race.
What about you know not getting all wet and getting all sick?
All right three single purposes.
How about buying the bar back?
Does anyone have a piece of paper?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Cheers pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.