[Everyone is singing the Camp Kidney Anthem]
By the wondrous Leaky waters,
And Great Mount White Head,
Stands the pretty good Camp Kidney,
Not too bad, all said!
CSChip and Skip
Not the cleanest, not the smartest,
SSlinkman
Proud to be the second best camp,
Give us flea infested blankets,
Cabins that are old,
Loudspeakers that pop and garble,
Showers full of mold! (Hi, showers!)
Healthy food and giant head lice,
They will never break
The spirit of our Kidney Campers (Slinkman: What is going on?!)
Here on Leaky [Slinkman hit the brakes on the bus as the song abruptly ends] Lake!
SSlinkman
How do you feel now, sir?
How do I feel? [jumps onto the table and dances] More importantly, how do I look?
CMChef McMuseli
Why, you look thinner already.
CMChef McMuseli
The McMuseli low-cal fat-free food-free weight-loss meal plan never fails to shed…
[grabs him by the shoulders; savagely] YOU PSYCHOTIC SALAD SPINNER!
I'm trying to gain weight!
CMChef McMuseli
Gain weight?! I can't handle such insanity! He is not of this world!
[frantically] I got to get some real food! I got to get out of here!
SSlinkman
[on the intercom] Attention, campers. The department of forestry has reminded us once again to stop hitting our heads against boulders.
[to Skip] There's that voice again.
SSlinkman
[on the intercom] On a similar note, the fish and game department has informed us that it's not wise to play This Little Piggy with the sleeping bears.
[The next morning, all the campers are in their jammies]
[to Lazlo] Slinkman has never gotten us out early for announcements before. [sees Slinkman in his full body cast in the wheelchair, looking very annoyed] Uh-oh.
SSlinkman
Listen up, campers. Due to our mishap yesterday involving... Well, [through clenched teeth] I won't mention any names, but their initials are... CHIP AND SKIP!!!
CSChip and Skip
Yay!/Whoo-hoo!
SSlinkman
We are reinstating the rule that all cabin leaders are responsible for their bunk mates. [Campers gasped] That means keep them from hurting themselves or others.
Wait a minute. What does that mean, babysitting?
SSlinkman
In your case, Edward, it means dung-sitting, 24/7.
Does that mean he can sit on us?
[desperately] No! [grabbing Slikman, causing him to fall down] I don't want to be a dung-sitter! I beg you! You can't do that to me!
SSlinkman
I'm sorry, Edward, it's new... camp... policy! [shoves Edward off him with his feet and onto Chip and Skip]
Hey, Edward, are you gonna sit on us for a while?
I don't know if you wanna do that. We just had beans.
[sulking grumpily to himself] I hate my life.
My old cabin could sure use an upgrade. Dum-dum, dum-dum, DUUMM. [destroys the old cabin model to show the upgrade model] Oh, the official scoutmaster upgrade? Well yes of course I know I deserve it for keeping my temper and Roman quota for three years and running. [Slinkman knocks the door as he hide models] What?! [Chip and Skip are crying] Slinkman. Why are they weeping?
SSlinkman
Because Skip and Chip’s camp dues haven't been paid up in months. I have no choice but to send them home to their three nannies [throws backwards the notebook] it’s scout regulations.
We don't want to go home. [crying]
[worried] Home? Slinkman. We can't send them home. [angry] If we do it will ruin my hill Roman streak. [getting worried] And I won't get my cabin upgrade.
SSlinkman
Officially, the only way they can stay is if they have jobs, here in camp to pay off what they owe.
[being happy] YES JOBS! Problem solved.
CSChip and Skip
Yes, Sir.
SSlinkman
[pointing Lumpus] Really, all this for a cabin upgrade.
[Lumpus laughs evilly, meanwhile Chip and Skip move and knock down to the mountains like a line of dominoes' tokens]
[screams and tries to leave but the last mountain squashes Lumpus] Ow!
[packing his suitcases] I had enough Lazlo, I had enough Camp Kidney! [bucking his seatbelt] I just want to see it in a view mirror, that's all. [drives the cabin into the gate]
SSlinkman
[blocks the gate] Hold it! Edward, you know you're not supposed to drive the cabins out of camp.
Fine! [leaves the cabin] You park it.
[Edward talks to Slinkman]
SSlinkman
So it's Edward Day and you don't want it to be Edward Day?
No! I mean yes! Look here Slinkman. Today is the day that everyone worships me! Me!
Slinkman Okay? Well since it's your day.
SSlinkman
[writes down a note and gives it to Edward] Right. Now I want you to take this not to Mr. McMuesli.
What is this? [reads the note] Edward is allowed to jump to the front of the mess hall line. Finally, a little respect to the Ed man.
SSlinkman
[walks into the living room] Alright, Scoutmaster Lumpus! Ready for your- [notices he is injured violently, surprised] Oh, my! Your back, it's all in knots.
[walks into the plains, sadly] I can't have anything they can! You meet a frozen caveman, they become friends and BAM! Somebody wants to thaw him out! He was my... [sniffles] ...friend. He'd listened! [starts crying] Now there's no one to listen no one in the whole...wide...world. [sits down by a lake] There's just me, listening...to me...
[Scoutmaster Lumpus' office; Slinkman interrogates Milt after he caught him with candy]
SSlinkman
[demanding] No more games, Milt! [holds up a piece of candy] Where did you get this, huh?! TELL ME, MILT! [Milt frightfully shakes his head, refusing to tell] What would your father say if he knew you had candy?!
[tearing up as he's about to cry] I don't know.
SSlinkman
Neither do I. [threateningly calls Milt's father on the phone] Hello, Milt Sr.? Yes, I have your son here in my office. It would seem…
[giving in while freaking out] ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT, I'LL TELL YOU! I'LL TELL YOU!
SSlinkman
It would seem your son is doing very well here at Camp Kidney. [hangs up] Okay, Milt. Tell me everything.
[Lazlo, Samson, Harold, and Edward have been called into Lumpus' office by Slinkman, wanting to have a talk with them]
So, what do you guys think Slinkman wants to talk to us about?
As long as this isn't about me forcing the sheep to eat mud. Which I didn't! Then I don't care what this is about.
SSlinkman
[enters] Hey, fellas.
[shouting] I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! [shuts his mouth]
SSlinkman
Oh, it looks like it's a baby.
SSlinkman
Well, a baby is like a little person, who will one day grow up to be a big person.
Sweet mother of science, what will they think of next?
Camp Lazlo · 295 quotes
