Anya Jenkins quotes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Is this what you saw?

Buffy

Yeah, that's it.

The Rwasundi. Very rare. It's presence in our dimension causes a sort of... localized temporal disturbance.

Buffy

So, that's why time went all David Lynch?

Right. Human perception is based on a linear chronology. Being exposed to the Rwasundi for more than a few seconds, can cause vivid hallucinations and a slight tingly scalp.

Willow

So, that's it. These things just made you think you killed her.

Xander

She was probably dead long before you stumbled across her.

Buffy

It wasn't the demon. It was Warren. He knew Katrina. He had something to do with it, I know it.

Willow

How can you be sure?

Buffy

You always hurt the one you love.

Dawn

Does this mean you're not going away?

Buffy

Yeah. I'm not going anywhere. We need to find Warren and the others. Whatever they've done, they're not gonna get away with it.

It's dangerous, and so is all of us dying.

Xander

Will, look I don't wanna gang up on you, but Anya kinda has a point. We brought you back from it once, we're all here. It's one little spell. Whatever happens we can bring you back again.

Willow

No, I can't. If I start I.. I might not be able to stop.

And whose fault is that?? You know if you hadn't gotten so much of this in your system in the first place--

Tara

Hey! You're gonna back off. She said no and that's it. You're not gonna make her do something that she doesn't want to. And if you try, you have to go through me first. Understood?

Xander

Why did we ever agree to have your friends, who are demons, and my family, who are monsters, stay at our place?

Well, I can only do so much, Xander. Planning this marriage is like staging the invasion of Normandy.

Xander

Without the laughs.

I, Anya, promise to cherish you. Yeah, no, not cherish. Um, I promise to have sex with you whenever I want, and uh, uh, pledge to be your friend, your wife, and your confidante, and your sex poodle-

Tara

Uh, "sex poodle"?

I wish you had tentacles where your beady eyes should be! I wish your intestines were tied in knots and ripped apart inside your lousy gut!

Xander

They are.

Really? [brightening] Right now? Does it hurt?

Xander

God, yes. It hurts so bad it's killing me. Anya, I love you. I want to make this work.

Those are... metaphor intestines! You're not in any real pain!

You're lesbians, so the hating of men will come in handy. Let's talk about Xander.

Tara

Well, it's-it's really not so much about hating the men.

Willow

We're more centered around the girl-on-girl action.

And men really like to watch that kind of stuff, don't they? Men like Xander!

[frustrated that Willow and Tara won't wish ill on Xander] What kind of lesbians are you? If you love men so much, go love men!

Buffy

I don't think he could feel any worse.

Let's test that theory.

Buffy

Anya, Xander's my friend. I know what he did was wrong, and if it happened to me, I'd-

Wish his penis would explode?

He said he loved me.

Oh, gee, then he must have meant it, 'cause hey, guys never say anything they don't really mean, do they?

But we-

They say, "I love you," and, and you think it's true. They say, "Oh, Anya, I want to be with you for the rest of my life," and, and you believe them, you believe they feel the same way about you, because that's the way love's supposed to be, right?

Who's Anya?

And then you get all excited with the tingly anticipation, but wait! Not so fast! There's the apocalypse, a-and the back from the grave, and the blah blah blah blah blah, and by the time you're finally standing there in that beautiful expensive white dress you've dreamed about ever since you became human, he's gets all heebie-jeebie and decides, "you know, I'd rather just go steady."

Warren shot Buffy. Warren shot Tara. Buffy's alive, Tara is dead. Willow found out, and, being the most powerful wicca in the western hemisphere she decided to get the payback, with interest.

Andrew

What about Warren?

She killed him. Ripped him apart and bloodied up the forest doing it. Now she's coming here and the two of you are next.

Andrew

Oh my god, Warren!

Oh my god, me!

Andrew

Think your little witch buddy's gonna stop with us? You saw her! She's a truck-driving magic mama! And we've got maybe seconds before Darth Rosenberg grinds everybody into Jawa burgers! And not one of you bunch has the midi-clorians to stop her!

Xander

[after a brief silence] You've never had any tiny bit of sex, have you?

The annoying virgin has a point.

I had a quota, the guy had it coming. What's the big?

I think I'm gonna be sick.

Buffy

Anya, that thing you created burst through solid pavement and ate her dog.

[anguished] Oooh, puppy!

Xander

Wait -- that gets your sad noise? People's lives are in danger, and you give it up for the Yorkie?

You feel really responsible? You are really responsible!

Willow

I know I hurt you... and everyone... and I'm sorry.

Here's something you should know about vengeance demons. We don't groove with the sorry. We prefer, "Oh, God! Please stop hitting me with my own rib bones!"

Willow

Go on. Say whatever you want, rib bones and so forth. I deserve it.

And you won't mind?

Willow

No.

Xander

You don't understand. This isn't an intervention. Buffy's coming to kill you.

She's coming to try.

I have a job to do. And so does Buffy. Xander, you've always seen what you wanted to but you knew, sooner or later, it would come to this.

Willow

Damn love spell! I have tried every anti-love spell spell I can find.

Even if you found the right one, guy would probably just do an anti-anti-love-spell spell... spell.

Willow

What?

Buffy

Willow, you're a gay woman! [Willow makes a face conveying "And?"] And he... isn't?!

Willow

This isn't about his physical presence! It's about his heart.

His physical presence has a penis!

Willow

I can work around it!