Anya Jenkins quotes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Willow

Hey, Anya, you never told us what you can't believe you almost.

Almost who now?

Willow

No, you can't be the only not embarrassed one. What did you do?

[nervously] I, uh, wrote a poem. An epic poem...comparing him to a daisy and a tower and a lake.

And now the latest on Sunnydale's late-night bandit who is still at large. A masked thief held up a number of large businesses— [Anya quickly switches off the radio]

Okay great! Ice cream. My treat.

You know you were a lot more fun when you didn't have a soul.

Spike

Oh, come on now, I've just explained to you...

All I'm saying is soulless Spike would have had me upside down and half-way to happyland by now.

Willow

[to Buffy] Are you sure this thing called itself The First?

Buffy

Pretty sure. It claimed to be the original evil, the one that came before anything else.

Please, how many times have I heard that line in my demon days? "I'm so rotten, they don't even have a word for it. I'm bad. Baddy bad bad bad. Does it make you horny?" [everyone stares at her] Or terrified. Whatever.

Is Xander all right?

Dawn

Looks okay.

Damn him!

And I wasn't talking about your date anyway. I was talking about this sham date of Xander's. I think it's part of a plan to make me jealous.

Buffy

[shakes her head] Well, it's not working.

Are you nuts? Of course it's working. Observe my-my bitter ranting. Hear the shrill edge of hysteria in my voice.

Buffy

Um, I should really go find something else to wear. [walks out of the room]

Fine, go. Leave me here to stew in my impotent rage. [Buffy stops, turns to look at Anya] I'm also gonna pee, so you should probably go.

Spike

Would you let it go? You're like a dog with a bone.

So what?

Spike

It's my bone! Just drop it.

Xander

Well, yeah, but only because you kinda told us to. You're our leader, Buffy, as in "follow the".

Buffy

Well, from now on, I'm your leader as in "do what I say".

Xander

Jawohl. But let's not try to forget, we're also your friends.

I'm not.

Buffy

Then why are you here? Aside from getting rescued, what is that you do?

I provide much needed... sarcasm.

Xander

Um... that'd kinda be my job actually.

Andrew

Ouch! My goodness! Things look bad for the Slayer, don't they? She didn't see that second vampire, concealed by cover of darkness, ready--

Andrew

... ready to attack and make her his own vampirical spawn.

Andrew

Let's rejoin them now to see--

For God's sakes, Andrew! You've been in here for 30 minutes. What are you doing?

Andrew

Entertaining and educating.

Why can't you just masturbate like the rest of us?

Kennedy

So, Spike's trigger's been active this entire time?

Rona

How can Buffy take this for granted? I mean, he lives in our house, we train with him.

Don't waste your time down that road. Spike's got some sort of "Get Out of Jail Free" card that doesn't apply to the rest of us. I mean, he could slaughter a hundred frat boys, and... [everyone shoots a look at Anya] Forgiveness makes us human, blah-dee-blah-blah-blah.

And it's automatically you. You really do think you're better than we are.

Buffy

No, I--

But we don't know. We don't know if you're actually better. I mean, you came into the world with certain advantages, sure. I mean, that's the legacy.

Buffy

I--

But you didn't earn it. You didn't work for it. You've never had anybody come up to you and say you deserve these things more than anyone else. They were just handed to you. So that doesn't make you better than us. It makes you luckier than us.

Kennedy

All I'm saying is now that Buffy's not here, we finally have some say in how and when we lose our necks.

Robin

Maybe you don't have to be so blunt about the "losing of the necks" bit.

Let the girl speak the truth. We're all on death's door, repeatedly ringing the doorbell, like maniacal Girl Scouts trying to make quota.

And they have no purpose that unites them, so they just drift around, blundering through life until they die, which they-they know is coming, yet every single one of them is surprised when it happens to them. They're incapable of thinking about what they want beyond the moment. They kill each other, which is clearly insane... and yet here's the thing. When it's something that really matters, they fight. I mean, they're lame morons for fighting, but they do! They never... they never quit. So I guess I'll keep fighting too.

Andrew

That was kind of beautiful. You, you love humans.

I do not.

Andrew

Yes you do. [singing] You love them.