AAnya
Are they gonna cut the body open?
Oh my God! Would you just... s-stop talking? Just... shut your mouth! Please!
How can you act like that?
AAnya
Am I supposed to be changing my clothes a lot? I-is that the helpful thing to do?
AAnya
Nobody will tell me.
Because it's not okay for you to be asking these things!
AAnya
But I don't understand! I don't understand how this all happens. How we go through this. I knew her, and then she's-- there's just a body, and I don't understand why she just can't get back in it and not be dead... anymore! It's stupid! It's mortal and stupid! And... and Xander's crying and not talking, and... and I was having fruit punch, and I thought, well, Joyce will never have any more fruit punch, ever, and she'll never have eggs, or yawn, or brush her hair, not ever, and no one will explain to me why! [She begins to cry.]
[long pause] We don't know. How it works. Why.
Everyone, before we jump all over her, people do strange things when someone they love dies. When I lost my mother, I did some pretty dumb stuff like lying to my family and staying out all night.
AAnya
Buffy's boinking Spike.
[Willow and Tara are left speechless for a moment.]
Oh. Tara's right. Grief can be powerful, and we shouldn't judge--
What are you, kidding? She's nuts!
[laughs sarcastically] Oh, I get it. That's very crafty. [nods] Glory's worked the kind of mojo where anyone who sees her little presto-change-o instantly forgets. And yours truly, being somewhat other than human ... stands immune.
[frowning.] So ... Ben and Glory ... are-are the same person?
[slowly, like a revelation] Glory can turn into Ben, and Ben turns back into Glory.
AAnya
And anyone who sees it instantly forgets.
[sigh of relief] Kewpie doll for the lady.
Excellent. Now. Do we suspect there may be some kind of connection between Ben and Glory?
You found the last known Urn of Osiris on eBay?
AAnya
Yeah, from this desert gnome in Cairo. He drove a really hard bargain, but I finally got him to throw in a limited-edition Backstreet Boys lunch box for -
[Xander coughs and glares at Anya]
[Tara smiles knowingly at Xander]
[To cast a spell, Tara assumes the lotus position]
I know how to help Willow and Xander.
AAnya
[looking at Tara quizzically] Yoga?
This is gonna take forever, isn't it?
AAnya
Not forever. Just a very long time. Here it is. Your first approximation of your spanking new debt.
I've trashed this house so many times. How did Mom pay for this?
For starters, she saved money with this crappy-ass coffee table.
AAnya
Well, there's always that charging option.
No. I will definitely... probably not be doing that.
Well, I know I'm back in America now. I've been knocked unconscious. Thank you.
What do you think the demon wanted, anyway? Uh, aside from costing you a bundle?
Don't know. Now he's way too dead to answer that question. I wish I know who hired him.
Ooh, I could do a locator spell. Or not.
That's it. It's been four hours. I'm calling it, people. This coffee table, it's gone. Damn it!
Also, this lamp's in critical condition.
Well, uh, let's take these thing out to the trash and give 'em a decent throwin' out.
I don't think I can do this.
Yes, you can. Your mother dealt with this sort of thing all the time. She took one crisis at a time, without the aid of any superpowers... and got through it all, so can you.
Who's calling me? Everybody I know lives here. I'll be back.
I bet it's creditors. The hounding's begun. I read about it. So, you think we'll starve?
No chance I'd have to quit school to work assembling cheap toys in a poorly ventilated sweatshop?
Poorly ventilated... what have you been reading? Buffy, what is it?
He knows that I'm-- He-he needs to see me. I have to see him.
Well, of course. You-you'll leave for L.A. tomorrow.
Not L.A. An-and not here. Somewhere in the middle. There's a place.
I see. Well, we should get these, uh, bills and things out of the way before--
I have to go now. Oh. Um... Thanks for taking care of this for me.
So what are you supposed to be?
Oh, shouldn't you have wings?
AAnya
Um, no, this is a special kind of angel called a Charlie. We don't have wings, we just skate around with perfect hair fighting crime.
AAnya
She came from the grave much graver.
First he'll kill her, then I'll save her.
Everything is turning out so dark.
Going through the motions...
No, I'll save her, then I'll kill her.
I think this line's mostly filler...
What's it gonna take to strike a spark?
These endless days are finally ending in a blaze
AAll
And we are caught in the fire
The point of no return.
So we will walk through the fire,
And let it
Burn.
[From "I've Got a Theory"]
It could be bunnies!
[Everyone stares at her awkwardly; cricket noises are heard]
[Anya suddenly sings loudly, hard rock style, complete with spotlights and pyrotechnics]
AAnya
Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes!
They've got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses!
And what's with all the carrots?!
What do they need such good eyesight for anywaaaaay?!
Bunnies, bunnies, IT MUST BE BUNNIES!
[Everyone stares at her again]
Magic! Magic's all balderdash and chicanery. I'm afraid we don't know a bloody thing. Except I seem to be British, don't I? Uh, and a man. With... glasses. Well, that narrows it down considerably.
...
We'll get our memory back, it'll all be right as rain.
Oh, listen to Mary Poppins. He's got his crust all stiff and upper with that Nancy-boy accent. You English men are always so... bloody hell! [counting them on his fingers.] Sodding, blimey, shagging, knickers, bollocks. Oh god... I'm English.
Welcome to the Nancy tribe.
You don't suppose you and I...we're not related, are we?
AAnya
There is a ruggedly handsome resemblance.
[gives her a flattered smile, then turns back to Spike] Yes, and you do inspire a particular feeling of familiarity and ... disappointment. Older brother?
Father. Oh God, how I must hate you!
AAnya
Like pudding, am I right? Rice or tapioca, lumpy like that.
We have to find Buffy, she's gotta know.
AAnya
I don't think Buffy's going to be too broken up over a pylon.
Anya, whatever's happening to the pylon will probably happen to her. If we don't find Buffy, I mean, if we don't figure out how this was done...
AAnya
Xander, he-he's very kind, and brave, and he has the sweetest smile and the nicest body, and... he loves me. Sometimes it isn't easy, but he does.
HHalfrek
Who told you that it isn't easy to love you?
AAnya
Well... you know, sometimes I'll do something or say something, and then he has to say stuff like, "It is incorrect for you to appreciate money so much," or-or, "Observe: here is how a real human would behave."
HHalfrek
Oh, so he corrects you?
Now, I get Warren being a super-villainy type, but I thought Jonathan completely learned that lesson. I've never been heard of this other guy.
You should have seen their headquarters. It was like the nerd natural habitat.
AAnya
Well, if we know where they are, shouldn't we do something?
We tried. Buffy was gonna go in there and bust 'em on the spot.
I'm sensing a not-so-completely.
Yeah, well, she went in and--
AAnya
Speaking of Buffy, isn't she ready? She's gonna be late for her first day.
Hey, respect the narrative flow much?
AAnya
Please continue the story of failure.
So, Buffy went in, but they'd cleared out. Then she brought back the stuff that they left-- some spellbooks, some parchments, a couple of rare things, charmed objects and a conjuror's harp. And they had other stuff, you know, Razor scooters and pictures of the Vulcan woman on enterprise.
Ooh! [chuckles] I mean, nerds.
AAnya
Okay. See, this is why demons are better than people.
AAnya
When I was a vengeance demon, I caused pain and mayhem, certainly. But I put in a full day's work doing it, and I got compensated appropriately.
Welcome to today's episode of Go, Money, Go. I hear it daily.
Yep, for the rest of your life.
AAnya
But supervillains, want reward without labor, to make things come easy. It's wrong. Without labor, there can be no payment and vice versa. The country cannot progress. The workers are the tools that shape America.
Good to know. I was kinda feeling like a tool. And now I know why.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer · 894 quotes
