Scenes with Rupert Giles 168
[Buffy and Giles are walking toward the high school.]
Well, it's nice to be able to help someone in a non-slaying capacity. Except he's starting to get that look, you know, like he's gonna ask me to prom.
Giles Well, it would probably be good for his self-esteem, if you...
Oh, come on! What am I, Saint Buffy? He's, like, three feet tall!
Giles I'm glad to see you've recovered from your psychic encounter more or less intact. Feel up to some training?
Sure. We can work out after school. You know, if you're not too busy having sex with my mother!
[Giles walks right into a tree.]
Mr. Giles! I'd like your opinion. While the last thing I would want to do is model bad behavior in front of impressionable youth, I wonder if asking Miss Chase to dance--
Giles For God's sake, man, she's eighteen. And you have the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone. Just--have at it, will you, and stop fluttering about?
So, all that other stuff in there, that's just gonna sit in there, right? I mean, no one owns it in the strictest sense.
Dibs on the rowing machine.
Giles Buffy!
Giles I've been awake all night. I know I'm supposed to teach you self-reliance, but I can't leave you out there to fight alone. Uh, to hell with what's right. I-I'm ready to back you up. Let's find the evil and-and-and fight it together.
Great. Thanks. We'll get right on that.
Giles The evil is this way?
Hey, Giles, can you get this box on top?
Giles Um...
So, college not so scary after all, huh?
It's turning out to be a lot like high school, which I can handle. At least I know what to expect.
[The demon Gachnar slowly emerges from the pentacle in the floor... and is revealed to be just six inches tall.]
[looks down mockingly at Gachnar] Big overture, little show.
G Gachnar
[in a squeaky voice] : I am the Dark Lord of Nightmares! The Bringer of Terror! Tremble before me! Fear me!
[Xander pokes a finger at the tiny demon, speaking to it as if to a puppy.]
Who's a little fear demon? Come on! Who's a little fear demon?
Giles Don't taunt the fear demon.
Giles No, it's just... tacky.
[After defeating Gachnar, Giles looks back at the small image of him in the book]
Giles Bloody hell, the inscription!
Giles I should've translated the Gaelic inscription beneath the picture.
Giles ... Actual size.
[After defeating Gachnar, Giles looks back at the small image of him in the book]
Some quality treats here, Giles.
Giles Please finish them.
This is much better. There is no problem that cannot be solved by chocolate.
That's your scary costume?
Giles Oh, bloody hell. The inscription.
Giles I should've translated the Gaelic inscription under the illustration of Gachnar.
Giles "Actual size."
Giles I can't believe you served Buffy that beer.
I didn't know it was evil.
Giles You knew it was beer!
Well, excuse me, Mr. I-spent-the-sixties-in-an-electric-Kool-Aid-funky-Satan-groove!
Giles It was the early seventies, and you should know better.
Giles I'm not quite sure I understand.
There was just so much going on with Oz and Willow. And there still is. But I-I just thought you should know.
Giles W-well, this fellow in the woods, he was in-in military garb?
And he was toting some serious weaponry. The thing is, I-I saw some guys dressed exactly like him on Halloween night. I just assumed they were in costume.
Giles But maybe they were working.
I wanna know what's up. The guy got in my way. I almost didn't catch up with Oz in time. And as it was, I was too late to--
Giles You saved Willow.
Right now, she wishes I hadn't. Giles, I've never seen her like this. It's like it hurts too much to form words.
Giles You've... you've felt that way yourself, and, uh, you got through it.
Yeah. I ran away and went to Hell and then got through it. I'm kind of hoping she doesn't use me as a model.
Giles Fair enough.
I just don't know how they're gonna deal with this.
Oh, someone put a stake in me!
You gotta lot of volunteers in here.
I just can't take all this namby-pamby boo-hooing about the bloody Indians.
Uh, the preferred term is-
You won. All right? You came in and you killed them and you took their land. That's what conquering nations do. That's what Caesar did, and he's not going around saying, "I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it." The history of the world is not people making friends. You had better weapons, and you massacred them. End of story.
Well, I think the Spaniards actually did a lot of-- Not that I don't like Spaniards.
Listen to you. How you gonna fight anyone with that attitude?
We don't wanna fight anyone.
I just wanna have Thanksgiving.
If we could talk to him--
You exterminated his race. What could you possibly say that would make him feel better? It's kill or be killed here. Take your bloody pick.
Maybe it's the syphilis talking, but... some of that made sense.
Giles I made a lot of these points earlier, but fine, no one listens to me.
Giles Well, the turkey came out rather splendidly.
Oh, it was yummy. It's just... did you see me? Two seconds of conflict with an indigenous person, and I... I turn into General Custer.
Giles Violence does that. You know, instinct takes over.
Oh, lay off. You all had a fine meal. But me? An entire siege. You'd think one of you would bleed a little.
Giles Good work, Buffy. On, you know, on both counts.
Giles Well, you know, you should be very pleased.
Wasn't exactly a perfect Thanksgiving.
I don't know. Seemed kind of right to me. A bunch of anticipation, a big fight, and now we're all sleepy.
Giles [chuckles] And we did all survive.
I guess that much is true. First Thanksgiving on my own, and we all got through it.
And you know what? I think my syphilis is clearing right up.
And they say romance is dead. Or maybe they just wish it.
Well, maybe we started a new tradition this year. Maybe not. But at least we all worked together. It was like old times.
Yeah, especially with Angel being here and everything. Oops.
Giles Look, Spike - we have no intention of killing a harmless... uh, creature... we have to know what's been done to you. We can't let you go until we're sure that you're... impotent...
Giles Sorry, poor choice of words. Until we're sure you're, you're...
You are one step away, missy -
[sarcastically] Giles, help! He's going to scold me.
...
Oh, look at my poor neck... all bare and tender and exposed. All that blood, just pumping away.
Giles Oh, please.
Giles [walks away] If those two don't kill each other, I might lend a hand.
Passions is on! Timmy's down a bloody well, and if you make me miss it I'll -
Giles Do what? Lick me to death?
Spike and I are getting married!
Giles Three excellent questions.
[to Buffy] What are you looking at?
[She and Spike kiss, long and salaciously. Xander and Anya avert their eyes.]
[At Giles's apartment, Xander and Anya are arguing about their relationship.]
If you don't know how I feel about -
I don't. This isn't a relationship! You don't need me. All you care about is lots of orgasms.
[The others are silent with disbelief.]
OK... remember how we talked about private conversations? How they're less private when they're in front of my friends?
Oh, we're not your friends. Go on.
Giles Please don't.
Giles I thought vampires were supposed to eat blood.
Yeah, well sometimes I like to crumble up the Weetabix in the blood. Gives it a little texture.
Giles Since the picture you just painted means that I will never touch food of any kind again, you'll just have to pick it up yourself.
‹ Previous Page 7 of 12
Next ›
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Buffy the Vampire Slayer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License .
Buffy the Vampire Slayer · 894 quotes
Giles
