[The gang discusses a mysterious symbol.]
Right. It was carved into his chest, like a big creepy eye.
It's kind of like the CBS logo. Hey, could this be the handiwork of one Mr. Morley Safer?
I'm telling you I've seen this somewhere before. I just can't remember where! I mean, it's like...
GilesIt's the end of the world.
BWBuffy, Willow, Xander
Again?
Giles
It's, ah, the earthquake... that symbol... yes.
I told you. I-I said "end of the world", and you're like "poo-poo, southern California, poo-poo"!
Giles
I'm so very sorry. My contrition completely dwarfs the impending apocalypse.
[The gang discusses a mysterious symbol.]
It just made me feel like I was right back in high school.
Dumb jock. If it wasn't for you, he still would be.
Yeah. I mean, I know the Percy thing isn't really important. It's the dead guy on the bed.
Ooh, and something else: he, the dead guy, was-was propped up, like whatever killed him wanted to drain the blood out of him. So I'm thinking the whatever took a bunch of the guy's blood with him. And I haven't been a nerd for a very long time. Hello, dating a guitarist. Or, I was.
Tell them about the symbol.
Right. Um, it was carved into his chest, like a big, creepy eye.
It's kind of like the CBS logo. Hey, could this be the handiwork of one Mr. Morley Safer?
I'm telling you, I've seen this somewhere before. I just can't remember where. I mean, it's like...
Giles
It's the end of the world.
BWBuffy, Willow, Xander
Again?
Giles
It's, um, the earthquake... That symbol is, um...
I told you. I said end of the world. And you're like, "Pooh-pooh, Southern California, pooh-pooh".
Giles
I'm so very sorry. My contrition completely dwarfs the impending apocalypse.
No, i-it can't be. We-we've done this already.
Giles
It's the end of the world. Everyone dies. It's rather important, really.
And I'm just supposed to help you out of the evilness of my heart?
Giles
Y-you help me and I-I don't kill you.
Oh, tremendously convincing. Try it again without the stutter.
Giles
Money. I could pay you money.
Oh, I like money. How much?
Giles
A h-hundred dollars.
A hundred dollars? You'll have to do a lot better than that. Two hundred.
Giles
Yes, fabulous technology. You see, if anyone has any information I need to know, they can, us, simply tell me about it, through this ingenious speaking tube. I'm very excited.
I am sorry, Giles. I really thought I told you about Riley and the Initiative, and I know that it doesn't help. Look, I promise, it won't happen again. I will tell you everything.
Giles
Buffy, I don't want to ask you to, um, betray any confidences, and I certainly don't want to interfere...
Uh-oh. You have but-face. You look like you're gonna say "but".
Giles
But... this, um, Initiative, I'm-I'm a little concerned. Um, Ethan's not exactly a reliable source, but, um, I'm not sure that he's wrong about them.
I'm not dating the Initiative. I'm dating Riley. He's a good guy.
Giles
And I-I believe that, but he's part of something that we-we don't really understand.
Are you sure you're not just saying this because you don't like Riley's boss?
Giles
No, no, I'm not saying that at all. Though I do hate her quite a lot. But I want you to have your personal life, but keep your eyes open. Make sure you know what you're getting into.
Giles
It'll be dark soon. I think it would be wise for you to leave Sunnydale.
I'm not going anywhere, not until those bastards undo whatever they did to me. Put me back the way I was.
Sure, just explain to the nice scientist guys that you really miss killing and torturing innocent people.
You think that would work?
Giles
Spike, Lord know why I'm telling you this. It's for your own good. As long as the Initiative is in operation, it's not safe for you here.
No. It's not safe for any of us.
[Buffy, Willow, and Anya are watching Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner in bed in Xander's Basement]
Well no, Buff, that's why they're called cartoons, not documentaries.
Giles
Must we have the noise? My head is splitting.
Well, look who's cranky bear in the morning.
Giles
Yes, I can't imagine why I didn't sleep well in my beach ball.
Everytime you moved, it make squeaky noises. It was irritating.
Giles
Really? I'm surprised you could hear it over your Wagnerian snoring.
Okay, you guys. Could we not, please? Everything's screwed up enough without you two doing scenes from my parent's marriage.
Giles
Sorry.
It'll be okay, Buffy. Riley's just confused, that's all.
I don't know. Just seems like things could get heavier. His whole world's falling apart.
And after everything you've been through with Angel. You know, you really sould get yourself a boring boyfriend, like Xander. You can't have Xander.
That was the idea. Riley was supposed to be Mr. Joe Guy. We were gonna do dumb things like hold hands through the daisies, going "Tra-la-la."
Poor Buffy, your life resists all thing average.
So dump him. But you can't have Xander.
I'll try and remember that. It's too late, anyway. I'm already at the "I hurt when he hurts, I smiles when he smiles" stage.
I'll just have to make it work.
TATV Announcer
Sunnydale is still reeling from news of the crime. A source in the coroner's office tells us that the boy was stabbed with what looks like some kind of large skewer, and his body was then mutilated. Police have not named a suspect, and the killer is still at large.
The Polgara demon had a skewer in its arm. That's the one that Maggie insisted we bring back alive.
Giles
She must have sent it after you.
And it got distracted. God.
Buffy, it's not your fault. How could you know?
Giles
She's right. You mustn't blame yourself.
I'm not going to. I'm going to the crime scene to see what I can find out. You guys research the Polgara demon. I want to know where it is. When I find it, I'm going to make it pay for taking that kid's life. I'll make him die in ways he can't even imagine. [uncomfortable pause] That probably would have sounded more commanding if I wasn't wearing my yummy sushi pajamas.
Giles
What are you doing here?
Me? Hey, I'm not the one out of place here.
For your information, smarty, we've got a rogue slayer on our hands. Real psycho killer, too.
Giles
It is. What do you know?
Her, dark hair, yea tall, name of Faith, criminally insane.
Giles
Have you seen her?
Tell you what I'll do then. I'll head out, find this girl, tell her exactly where all of you are, and then watch as she kills you. [sees the surprised looks on Giles and Xanders faces and sighs] Can any one of your damn little Scooby club at least try to remember that I hate you all? Just because I can't do the damage myself doesn't stop me from aiming a loose cannon your way. And here I thought the evening would be dull.
Go ahead! You wouldn't even recognize her.
Dark hair, this tall, name of Faith, criminally insane. I like this girl already.
[Buffy tries to convince Giles she truly is Buffy, despite being trapped in Faith's body.]
Giles
God!
[in Faith's body] Don't move. Okay, Giles, you have to listen to me very carefully. I'm not Faith.
Giles
Really?
[in Faith's body] Really.
Giles
'Cause the resemblance is striking.
[in Faith's body] I know, Giles. You just have to... Stop inching. You were inching.
Giles
Look, I-I know what you're gonna say, and-and, uh...
[in Faith's body] I'm Buffy.
Giles
All right, I didn't know what you were going to say, but that doesn't make you any less crazy.
[in Faith's body] Faith switched. I mean, she had some device. She switched our bodies. Giles, I swear... it's me.
Giles
Um, if-if you are Buffy, then, uh... then you'll let me tie you up without killing me, um, until we find out whether you're telling the truth.
[in Faith's body] Giles, Faith has taken my body, and for all I know, she's taken it to Mexico by now. I don't have time for bondage fun. Ask me a question. Ask me anything.
Giles
Who's president?
[in Faith's body] We're checking for Buffy, not a concussion.
Giles
Oh, yes, right. Um...
[in Faith's body] Oh, this is... Giles, you turned into a demon, and I knew it was you. I mean, can't you just look into my eyes and be all intuitive?
Giles
How did I turn into a demon?
Buffy [in Faith's body]: Oh, 'cause, uh, Ethan Rayne. And-and you have a girlfriend named Olivia, and you haven't had a job since we blew up the school, which is valid lifestyle-wise. I mean, it's not like you're a slacker-type, but... Oh, oh! When I had psychic power, I heard my mom think that you were like a stevedore during sex. What...? Do you want me to continue?
Giles
Actually, I beg you to stop.
Buffy [in Faith's body]: What's a stevedore?
Giles
All right, let's... um, I need you to explain everything.
[in Faith's body] And I will after we get Faith.
[At Giles' place. Riley pages through a spellbook.]
These spells, they really work? I mean, can you really turn your enemies inside out? Or... learn to excrete gold coins.
That one's not so much fun.
They work, Riley, but they take concentration. Being attuned with the forces of the universe.
Right, you can't just go librum incendere and expect --
[The book catches on fire; Xander closes it rapidly.]
Giles
Xander, don't speak Latin in front of the books.
Giles
When you called to Buffy and Riley didn't cry out or respond in any way.
No, they're probably dead.
Unless they're too busy doing it to answer.
Giles
Doing what?
You know, for a god of acoustic rock you're... kind of naive.
Giles
I didn't think you meant... In the midst of all that? Do you really think they were keeping it up?
[long awkward pause]
Giles
Oh, for different phrasing.
Giles
I believe we're dealing with a kind of poltergeist. A whole cluster of them, in fact, born out of intense adolescent emotion and sexual energy.
Both of which were totally pent up during Mrs. Holt's reign of repression.
So with Buffy and Riley having... you know, acts of nakedness 'round the clock lately, maybe they set something free. Like a big, bursting poltergasm.
Giles
[singing] If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
Well I must be traveling on now
There's too many places I've got to see
And if I stay here with you, girl
Things just couldn't be the same
'Cause I'm as free as bird now--
[Giles suddenly shrieks as he realizes Spike is standing in the room.]
You know, for someone who's got "Watcher" on his resume', you might want to cast an eye to the front door every now and again.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer · 894 quotes
