OK, so you're telling me I'm broke?
Money's definitely becoming an issue.
XanderAs in you're being almost out of it.
But I haven't spent any money! I was all... dead and frugal.
Easy, we burn the house to the ground and collect the insurance. Plus, fire? Pretty. [The Scoobies look at Buffy in horror] You guys, I'm kidding. OK, it's bills, it's money, it's pieces of paper sent by bureaucrats that we've never even met. It's not like it's the end of the world... which is too bad, you know, 'cause that, I'm really good at.
This is gonna take forever, isn't it?
Not forever. Just a very long time. Here it is. Your first approximation of your spanking new debt.
I've trashed this house so many times. How did Mom pay for this?
Xander
For starters, she saved money with this crappy-ass coffee table.
Well, there's always that charging option.
No. I will definitely... probably not be doing that.
Well, I know I'm back in America now. I've been knocked unconscious. Thank you.
What do you think the demon wanted, anyway? Uh, aside from costing you a bundle?
Don't know. Now he's way too dead to answer that question. I wish I know who hired him.
Ooh, I could do a locator spell. Or not.
Xander
That's it. It's been four hours. I'm calling it, people. This coffee table, it's gone. Damn it!
Also, this lamp's in critical condition.
Well, uh, let's take these thing out to the trash and give 'em a decent throwin' out.
I don't think I can do this.
Yes, you can. Your mother dealt with this sort of thing all the time. She took one crisis at a time, without the aid of any superpowers... and got through it all, so can you.
Who's calling me? Everybody I know lives here. I'll be back.
I bet it's creditors. The hounding's begun. I read about it. So, you think we'll starve?
No chance I'd have to quit school to work assembling cheap toys in a poorly ventilated sweatshop?
Poorly ventilated... what have you been reading? Buffy, what is it?
He knows that I'm-- He-he needs to see me. I have to see him.
Well, of course. You-you'll leave for L.A. tomorrow.
Not L.A. An-and not here. Somewhere in the middle. There's a place.
I see. Well, we should get these, uh, bills and things out of the way before--
I have to go now. Oh. Um... Thanks for taking care of this for me.
So, uh, no research? Nothing going on? Monsters or whatnot? Good! Good. Uh, so, did anybody...uh...last night, you know, did anybody, um...burst into song?
Xander
Merciful Zeus!
We thought it was just us!
Well, I sang, but I had my guitar at the hotel...
It was bizarre. We were talking, and then it was like -
...Like you were in a musical.
...That would explain the huge backing orchestra I couldn't see and the synchronized dancing from the room service chaps...
We did a whole duet about dish washing.
And we were arguing and, and then everything rhymed and there were harmonies and a dance with coconuts.
Like pudding, am I right? Rice or tapioca, lumpy like that.
Xander
We have to find Buffy, she's gotta know.
I don't think Buffy's going to be too broken up over a pylon.
Xander
Anya, whatever's happening to the pylon will probably happen to her. If we don't find Buffy, I mean, if we don't figure out how this was done...
Xander
[as Xander walks in on Spike and invisible Buffy] Spike? What are you doing?
What am I-... What does it look like I'm doing, you nit? I'm exercising, aren't I? [starts doing "push-ups"]
Xander
Exercising? Naked? In bed?
A man shouldn't use immortality as an excuse to let himself go. You gotta be fit for killin'...
Xander
Ya-huh.
We need to get that burger analyzed. We need to find out if it used to be people.
Xander
[with mouth full] What? People?
Xander! You ate the burger?
Xander
Well, first you say it's cat. Then you come in, hand me a burger, blah blah blah, five minutes later, "Oh, by the way, it happens to be hot, delicious human flesh"?
I needed that burger to analyze it. Now I'm gonna have to get another one.
Xander
That's your problem with this scenario? You getting seconds?
[Recovering magic addict Willow is testing the burger with multicolored liquids.]
Xander
Good job, Will! Those aren't, like, potions, are they?
No. No potions. It's not magic, it's... chemistry. You can tell by how damn slow it is.
Xander
Now, I get Warren being a super-villainy type, but I thought Jonathan completely learned that lesson. I've never been heard of this other guy.
You should have seen their headquarters. It was like the nerd natural habitat.
Well, if we know where they are, shouldn't we do something?
We tried. Buffy was gonna go in there and bust 'em on the spot.
Xander
I'm sensing a not-so-completely.
Yeah, well, she went in and--
Speaking of Buffy, isn't she ready? She's gonna be late for her first day.
Hey, respect the narrative flow much?
Please continue the story of failure.
So, Buffy went in, but they'd cleared out. Then she brought back the stuff that they left-- some spellbooks, some parchments, a couple of rare things, charmed objects and a conjuror's harp. And they had other stuff, you know, Razor scooters and pictures of the Vulcan woman on enterprise.
Xander
Ooh! [chuckles] I mean, nerds.
Okay. See, this is why demons are better than people.
When I was a vengeance demon, I caused pain and mayhem, certainly. But I put in a full day's work doing it, and I got compensated appropriately.
Xander
Welcome to today's episode of Go, Money, Go. I hear it daily.
Yep, for the rest of your life.
But supervillains, want reward without labor, to make things come easy. It's wrong. Without labor, there can be no payment and vice versa. The country cannot progress. The workers are the tools that shape America.
Good to know. I was kinda feeling like a tool. And now I know why.
The Rwasundi. Very rare. It's presence in our dimension causes a sort of... localized temporal disturbance.
So, that's why time went all David Lynch?
Right. Human perception is based on a linear chronology. Being exposed to the Rwasundi for more than a few seconds, can cause vivid hallucinations and a slight tingly scalp.
So, that's it. These things just made you think you killed her.
Xander
She was probably dead long before you stumbled across her.
It wasn't the demon. It was Warren. He knew Katrina. He had something to do with it, I know it.
You always hurt the one you love.
Does this mean you're not going away?
Yeah. I'm not going anywhere. We need to find Warren and the others. Whatever they've done, they're not gonna get away with it.
It's dangerous, and so is all of us dying.
Xander
Will, look I don't wanna gang up on you, but Anya kinda has a point. We brought you back from it once, we're all here. It's one little spell. Whatever happens we can bring you back again.
No, I can't. If I start I.. I might not be able to stop.
And whose fault is that?? You know if you hadn't gotten so much of this in your system in the first place--
Hey! You're gonna back off. She said no and that's it. You're not gonna make her do something that she doesn't want to. And if you try, you have to go through me first. Understood?
Do you know something? 'Cause we want you to feel like you can tell us.
Look, we're not accusing you of anything. It's just, you were kind of taking it personal down there.
Oh, okay. So you've all just decided that somehow I'm responsible. Great. Here's me basking in the love.
Xander
No, it's just, you know, you're upset 'cause we all want to leave. But now we can't leave. Only thing missing is a cornfield. There-- There isn't a cornfield, is there?
Dawn, it's okay. You know, we're not gonna be mad.
Yeah, only I didn't do anything.
You want me to ask my other self?
Dawn, we're just trying to figure out what's going on.
Figure it out yourself. I'm done being talked to like a kid.
Xander
Well, 'cause you know, sometimes we do something that seems like a good idea at the same time, like, say, invoke the power of a musical amulet. And it turns out, you know, not so much.
God! I didn't do anything! I wish I had. I'm glad you're trapped. How else can I get anybody to spend any time with me?
Dawn, if you want us to spend time with you--
I don't. Get out. Get out! Get out! Get out!
Xander
Why did we ever agree to have your friends, who are demons, and my family, who are monsters, stay at our place?
Well, I can only do so much, Xander. Planning this marriage is like staging the invasion of Normandy.
Xander
Without the laughs.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer · 894 quotes
