Are we having a chair shortage?
I didn't read anything about... oh, [slides off Oz's lap] I get it.
These public displays of affection are not acceptable in my school. This isn't an orgy, people. It's a classroom.
BuffyYeah, where they teach lunch.
Just give me a reason to kick you out, Summers. Just give me a reason. [walks away]
How about 'cause you're a tiny impotent Nazi with a bug up his butt the size of an emu?
Buffy
Sums it up.
I've been on the phone with the museum, the artifact in question is missing and the curator has been murdered vampires.
Buffy
And you're sure this is the tomb of alfalfa.
Acathla, and yes the information provided by Kendra's Watcher seems conclusive.
Okay somebody explain the whole he will suck the world into hell thing because that's the part I'm not loving.
Well the demon universe exists in a dimension separate from our own, and one breath of Acathla will create a vortex a kind of whirlpool that will pull everything on earth into that dimension where any non-demon life will suffer horrible and eternal torment.
Buffy
So that would be the literal kind of sucked into hell. Neat. Willow I think you should try the curse.
I tend to stand with your friend Xander on this one. Angel should be eliminated.
Buffy
Oh I'll fight him. I'll kill him if I have to, but if I Don't get there in time or I lose then Willow might be our only hope.
[nervously] But I don't want to be our only hope, I crumble under pressure, lets have another hope.
We have. [pulls out a sword] Blessed by the knight who first slew the demon if all else fails this might stop it. [hesitantly] I think.
Oh ooh may I. [Kendra hands Giles the sword] Thank you. [examining sword] Well its only if all else fails. [to Willow] Uh uh-mm how close are you to figuring out the ritual to the curse.
Oh I need about a day, and an Orb of Thessulah, whatever that is.
Spirit vault for the undead, I've got one. I've been using it as a paperweight.
This means I can't help you study for tomorrow's final.
Buffy
Oh, I'll wing it. Of course, if we go to Hell by then, I won't have to take 'em... Or maybe I'll be taking them forever.
I want to save the world.
Buffy
You do remember that you're a vampire, right?
We like to talk big. Vampires do. "I'm going to destroy the world." That's just tough guy talk. Strutting around with your friends over a pint of blood. The truth is, I like this world. You've got... dog racing, Manchester United. And you've got people, billions of people walking around like Happy Meals with legs. It's all right here. But then someone comes along with a vision, with a real... passion for destruction. Angel could pull it off. Goodbye, Piccadilly. Farewell, Leicester bloody Square. You know what I'm saying?
Buffy
Okay, fine, you're not down with Angel. Why would you ever come to me?
I want Dru back, I want it like it was before he came back. The way she acts around him.....
Buffy
You're pathetic, I lost a friend tonight!
I wasn't in on that raiding party.
Buffy
And I may lose more. The whole earth may be sucked into Hell and you want my help because your girlfriend's a big ho? Well, let me take this opportunity to not care!
I can't fight them both alone and neither can you.
Buffy
[seething] I hate you.
[Knocked out cop groans]
Buffy
Alright, talk.
[Casually] I just need to kill this guy.
Buffy
Ahem, ahem.
Buffy
Open your eyes, Mom. What do you think has been going on for the past two years? The fights, the weird occurrences. How many times have you washed blood out of my clothing, and you still haven't figured it out?
Buffy
No, it doesn't stop. It never stops. Do-do you think I chose to be like this? Do you have any idea how lonely it is? How dangerous? I would love to be upstairs watching TV or gossiping about boys or, god, even studying! But I have to save the world. Again.
I mean, I'm not a full-fledged witch. That takes years. I just did a couple of Pagan blessings and, uh, teeny glamour to hide a zit.
Buffy
It doesn't scare you?
It has. I tried to communicate with the spirit world, and I so wasn't ready for that. It's like being pulled apart inside. Plus I blew the power for our whole block. Big scare.
Buffy
I wish I could've been there with you.
Me, too. I really freaked out.
Buffy
I am sorry.
It's okay. I understand you having to bail, and I can forgive that. I have to make allowances for what you're going through and be a grown-up about it.
Buffy
You're really enjoying this whole moral superiority thing, aren't you?
Buffy
Fine. Okay. I'm the bad. I can take my lumps... For a while.
All right, I'll stop giving you a hard time... Runaway.
Buffy
Will!
Buffy
Whiner.
Buffy
Harpy.
Buffy
Tramp.
Buffy
Witch.
Always... I could eat a horse. Ain't it crazy how slaying just always makes you hungry and horny?
[Xander, Cordy, Willow & Oz all look at Buffy for confirmation]
Buffy
Well... sometimes I-I crave a non-fat yogurt after.
Buffy
[about Kakistos] Now, this guy shows up two days ago, right? Right around the same time my bestest new little sister makes her scene.
You think he and Faith are connected?
Buffy
Giles, there are two things that I don't believe in: coincidence and leprechauns.
Well, Buffy, it's entirely possible that they both arrived here by chance simultaneously.
Buffy
Okay, but I was right about the leprechauns, right?
Buffy
Angel was cured.
Buffy
When I killed him, Angel was cured. [to Willow] Your spell worked at the last minute, Will. I was about to take him out, and, um, something went through him, and he was Angel again. He-he didn't remember anything that he'd done. He just held me. Um, but i-it was, it was too late, and I, I had to. So I-I told him that I loved him, I kissed him, and I killed him.
Buffy
I just wanna get my life back, you know, do normal stuff.
Buffy
Well...
Oh, you wanna date. I saw that half-smile, you little slut.
[Xander starts chuckling and Buffy punches him on the arm]
[still kind of chuckling] Ow.
Buffy
All right, yes, date and shop and hang out and go to school and save the world from unspeakable demons. You know, I wanna do girlie stuff.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer · 894 quotes
