Denny Crane quotes from Boston Legal

Denny

The dwarf fainted.

Denny

The midget I'm dating could be my daughter.

Denny

[referring to Lincoln] Seriously, he is a total fairy.

Denny

Now, don't go knocking fat chicks! I love chubby-sex. [looks over at the female judge] I'm sure Your Honor does.

Denny

This country works Alan. You Democrats don't want to admit it. Oh, I'm not saying there aren't kinks! Foam chips off the occasional space craft, we start the odd war on false pretenses, but by and large...America works! That's why I'm completely nuts about it.

Denny

[after breaking up with Bella] I didn't have to shoot her!

Denny

How come the other side always has short closings?

Denny

Denny Crane never goes down. Except as a lover; I'm giving in bed. [to Alan] Is that relevant?

Denny

They're singling me out because I'm Denny Crane. Big name, big splash. Know where I can get a good lawyer? [grins] It's never dull, Alan. Admit it.

Denny

...these aliens in the form of Ann Margaret, took me to their spacecraft, and had sex with me.

Denny

Holy crap, I shot the rabbi.

Denny Crane

[introductions] Denny Crane.

I know. I'm from Chicago.

Denny Crane

Oh, my kind of town. Always had the best sex of my life in Chicago. What about you?

Denny

I'm still a good lawyer.

Paul

Yes, you are. [pauses] You remember Muhammad Ali's last fight? We had ringside seats. He lost so pathetically to Larry Holmes; we were so crushed. The tragedy that night, Denny, wasn't that he couldn't still box; he could. The tragedy was that he still thought he was Ali. You're a good lawyer, my friend. You're just not Denny Crane.

Donny Crane

Dad, he's mocking me.

Denny

You're a Crane, get used to it.

Denny

Sally, that was not a pleasant meeting. Typically when associates are unhappy, I give them a hug.

I don't want a hug, Mr. Crane.

Denny

Okay. May I have one?