Beavis and Butt-Head · Season 2
Now, you'll only be painting the trim, and if I see so much as a drop of paint anywhere's else, you'll clean it up and it'll come out of your pay. I don't want to see a whole lot of brush strokes and bubbles, neither. You know, back when I'as in the service, they'd throw a fella in the brig for messing up the paint job. Now, I'll be back in a while to see how you're doing. [leaves]
This sucks.
Yeah.
Breathing paint thinner will damage your brain. Look what it's done to Beavis and Butt-head
[singing] Breaking the law, breaking the law!
Now it's time for you boys to earn your keep. Look in the glove box.
[opens the glove compartment and pulls out two condoms] Oh no, Dave's gonna boof us.
"----
Mexico really sucks!
M-80s?
Firecrackers?
[Mexican woman shrugs]
Fireworks?
[Mexican woman shrugs]
These people are stupid.
Warning: If you're not a cartoon swallowing a rubber full of drugs can kill you
Mexico sucks!
Hey, check this out. "For a good time, call Beavis's mom."
…and this little piggy shot a big-ass hole through his foot!
Bueno. Recuerdan por favor, clase, siempre contestan en Español. Bueno? [he walks to the back of the room with a sign that says Juan es Alto] Senor Butt-head, ¿Como es Juan?
Uh, burritos.
No no no, ¿Como es Juan? ¿Como es Juan?
Uh, guacamole.
No, no. ¿Senor Beavis, Como es Juan?
Um, spaghetti.
Heh heh. Spaghetti?
Spaghetti? That's Italian, you moron! Dammit! You idiots have been in this class for almost a whole school year, and the only Spanish you know is what you learned at Taco Bell!! ..And Beavis can't even get that right! I'm gonna give you little bastards just ten seconds to come up with a sentence in Spanish, and if you can't, you're both going to the principal's office and you're both flunking. [pause] Well, I'm waiting.
Uuuuh.. [mocks Spanish accent] rendo-pordo-curdoh-nut-a-ben-yubarduhvuh Rico Suave. Huh-huh.
[The class are heard laughing.]
Principal's office, now!
[Gears are turning in his head] Uh, Taco Supreme.
[The class continues laughing.]
Get out! Now!
[Butt-Head is holding a pencil over his crotch depicting an erected penis. He and Beavis are laughing at it. Butt-Head then holds the pencil over his desk and drops it. It hits the desk with the eraser end, causing it to bounce off of the desk. It flies through the air and into Beavis's left eye and Beavis bleeds from his eye, screaming.]
[screaming] AAAAGH!! OWW!!!!!!
Whoa, that was cool, it really does happen.
[Beavis pulls the pencil out of his eye socket and chuckles]
Okay. Armstrong?
Here,
Armyho?
Present.
Baca?
Yo!
Butkis?
Here.
[Beavis and Butt-Head begin to laugh]
Dammit, what's wrong with you two? We've been in school over seven months now, and every single day, when I call Daniel Butkis' name, you guys have to laugh.
[Beavis & Butt-Head laugh some more]
Is it really still that funny?
[Beavis and Butthead laugh]
Doesn't it ever get old? Are you gonna laugh for the rest of your lives every time someone says the name Butkis?
[Beavis and Butthead laugh]
That does it. Principal's office, now!
Therefore we can say that any two amoeba are identical twins since they have the same genetic makeup. They are all the same sex and can reproduce by themselves. [Beavis and Butt-Head begin to laugh, while Butt-head shakes and throws two dice] So all sperm cells contain either an X chromosome or a Y chromosome, and-
She said sperm.
Depending on which sperm cell fertilizes the egg - I said, depending on which sperm cell fertilizes the egg, the zygote will be either male or female - SHUT UP!!! [Beavis & Butt-Head continue to laugh] McVicker's office, now!
[At McVicker's Office. Beavis and Butt-head are laughing.]
Oh, you guys think this is funny? You've been to four classes today and you've been sent here four times. And this laughing thing...What the hell is with this laughing thing?! All the teachers are sick of it! Mr. Sherman, your history teacher, says he's completely given up on trying to teach your class about the gay 90s. [Beavis and Butt-Head start laughing harder] See? See?! Now that's exactly what I'm talking about! You are both suspended for a week!
[He and Beavis stop laughing temporarily, still grinning] Uhhh... what does that mean?
I-I-It means I-I-I don't want to see you anywhere near this school for a whole week!
Cool! [he and Beavis start to act like they are playing guitars to the riff of 'Paradise City' by Guns n' Roses]
SHUT UP! Forget it. No no, you're not suspended. No, I've got a better idea. Yeah, hah-hah-hah-hah!! I'm gonna get you guys this time. [He takes a bottle of "Old Crow" out from under his desk, Beavis and Butthead start laughing again as McVicker drinks the whiskey]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
