TV show quotes
You know, in all seriousness, if I like, had a clone, I'm pretty sure I could kick his ass.
The only thing you'd beat is your meat.
Oh yeah yeah. But wait a second... wait a second! I just thought of something else! So like, if I had a clone, and the clone sat on his hand until it was numb, and then he spanked my monkey, then it would feel like someone else!
Dammit, Beavis... you're a genius. We gotta get clones.
Yeah! As soon as possible!
[dancing with a group of cheerleaders] Well, good for you, you look happy and healthy, not me, if you ever cared to ask. Good for you...
You know, these cheerleaders don't seem all that great, you know.
Yeah really. The cheerleaders at our school are better than this, and half of them are pregnant.
The coach is like, "Olivia Rodrigo, I've been noticing you've been half-assing it at practice. You're supposed to be cheering for the Fighting Dolphins, not yelling about your boyfriend."
[as Olivia Rodrigo dances in a room engulfed in flames]
"When you wear this uniform, you rep the school! Now if you wanna go burn down your boyfriend's house, you do it in your street clothes! This is not gonna help us beat the Wildcats!"
... Like a damn sociopath!
Uhhhh... what is that word, "soshiopath?"
Beavis Oh, yeah yeah, I wonder what it means.
That school psychiatrist said I was one of those, but it didn't matter, 'cause I don't care about her at all. Or anyone else really. I don't care about others. [cackles]
You know, I would love to have a girl this mad at me, because that means that I scored with her before, you know?
Yeah. No girl will ever be this pissed off about you, Beavis.
Yeah, yeah... no one's ever gonna burn down my house. I guess I'll just have to do it myself.
You'll die alone.
Shut up, Butt-head.
Is this Predator?
Um, I think this is Mortal Kombat. Yeah, yeah! They're gonna pull that guy's spine out! YAAAAHHHHH! AAAAHHHH!
Yeah!
Maybe these are, like, those Desert Storm goggles.
Yeah. That was cool. The mother of all wars has begun! YAAAAAAAOOOOOOWWWWWWWW! Incoming scud!
You're pretty cool sometimes, Beavis.
Yeah. Yeah. Thanks.
Hey, Butt-head. Remember when we saw that thing on TV about that dude in this band who, like, married that chick?
Oh yeah! He married his son's daughter, and then it's, like, his son married his mom.
Oh yeah, yeah. And so like, so like, the uh, like - like - like, his son was like, uh, a dork.
So like, his own son was, like, his stepdad.
And then like, his mom was actually, um, uh, a slut.
Yeah! She's a slut! And then it turned out that that dude was only 16.
Yeah.
Whoa, hey Butt-head, check it out, it's the liar! "Liar, Liar, I'll rip your guts out! I'll kick your ass! Liar!"
Shut up! Those aren't the words.
WHOA, WHORES! Check it out, Butt-head! Whores!
Yeah! Whores rule.
That would suck to be a cab driver.
Um, no wait, Butt-head, I think it'd be pretty cool. I'd be a good cab driver, I'd be, like, "Where are you going today, ma'am? Okay. How do you get there?"
You would suck, Beavis. You sounded like a stupid dork. You're never gonna be able to do anything.
That would be cool.
[Henry Rollins is shown walking through a crowded street]
Check out this part, Butt-head. "Excuse me, hey. Hey, excuse me, pardon me. Hey! Hey, dammit! Hey! Hey, watch it! Dammit! Dammit! Man!"
Beavis, just shut up.
Um...um, okay. Yeah.
[Henry Rollins is shown doing push-ups]
Dammit. Just when you think something cool's about to happen, he starts showing off how strong he is.
Butt-head, I don't want to hear you complaining on this video. This is about the only cool thing we've seen in a long time.
Beavis, don't ever take that tone with me.
Yeah, yeah.
This dude used to be the lead singer for Van Halen. They got that video, "Right Now."
Yeah. That's that video with all those words on the screen.
Yeah. Like, "Right now, David wishes he had his old job back."
Yeah. Like, "Right now, David is planning to kill Sammy Hagar."
"Right now, David is trying to convince some chick that he used to be the lead singer for Van Halen."
Yeah. Yeah.
This dude dances like John Cougar Mallomar.
Yeah. But he doesn't suck as much.
Yeah. John Cougar Melon Balls really sucks!
Yeah. John Cougar Military Camp.
The one cool thing about this dude is that he always has chicks with big thingies in his videos.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
