Dead animals're cool.
Pet Sematary
Red Hot Chili Peppers
See also: Red Hot Chili Peppers, "Search And Destroy", The Beavis and Butt-head Experience (Geffen Records, 3 November 1993), tr. 10.
Higher Ground
I saw pictures of these guys, and they had socks on their penises.
That would be cool.
Show Me Your Soul
Cool! This is cool!
This doesn't suck.
Anthony Kiedis is cool!
Yeah. These guys get all the chicks.
Yeah. These guys are cool!
Flea is cool!
Yeah. Flea is cool!
[a skull is shown]
I like the skull.
Yeah.
[masks are shown]
Whoa! A mask!
Yeah. That's like that joke, "If you were as ugly as me, I would shave my head and put a mask on my butt and walk backwards."
No, dillweed, that's not how it goes! It's, "If my dog was as ugly as me, I'd shave his butt and teach him to walk backwards."
You mean, "If your dog was as ugly as you."
That's what I said! "If my dog was as ugly as me, I'd shave his butt and teach him to walk backwards."
Oh yeah. That's pretty funny.
Wiggle Stick
[video opens with snakes]
Whoa, snakes are cool.
Yeah. I've got a good feeling about this video.
Yeah, yeah, me too.
[singing along badly] I got a wiggle stick, mama! [normal voice] I got a wiggle stick.
Well, don't wiggle it here.
This guy has, like, a really cool jacket, and like, there's snakes, and it rocks, and it's like, it's like, just cool.
Yeah, yeah. This is cool.
Rockwell, "Somebody's Watching Me
[a newspaper with Oriental characters is shown]
What's all that crap on the newspaper?
I think that's like, um...words and stuff.
Oh yeah.
Hey, Butt-head. How come, like, when you go to the dentist, sometimes they call the bathroom the laboratory?
Uh...I don't know.
Maybe it's 'cause, like, that's where the dentist goes when he inspects your nads.
Your dentist inspects your nads?
Yeah, yeah. Doesn't yours?
No. That's what the doctor does, Beavis.
My dentist always looks at my nads. I have full coverage. Yeah.
Drivers License
You know what license I always wondered how you get? A license to kill. You know, the 007? Like James Bond? How do you get one of those?
Uhh, I think first you have to get, like a learner's permit to kill when you're 16, and then there's like a written test.
I don't do good on written tests, but um, that's one thing I might actually like go to school for and like take a test, you know, because um, because that would be cool, you know? 'Cause then like, when a cop pulls you over, and he's like, "Excuse me sir, the reason I pulled you over is you just killed somebody back there. Do you have your license to kill on you, sir? And your registration, please?"
Yeah. And then I'd just shoot him.
No, that won't work, Butt-head. He's probably got a bulletproof vest, and he won't die, and you'll just get in a bunch of trouble.
You're right, Beavis. Violence is never the answer. Choose to defuse.
Yeah, exactly.
Peace...
get him back!
[as Olivia Rodrigo appears multiple times throughout the video]
Um... huh. Some of these girls look like Olivia Rodrigo. You know? Like that one... see, and that one. See what I'm saying?
Uh, they're all Olivia Rodrigo, dumbass.
Whoa, really? See, her putting herself in this video over and over again like that, it's like taking jobs away from like 20 other hot chicks! It's not fair!
Yeah, really. It's messed up.
You know, it's hard enough for hot chicks to get jobs. I mean, just look around! They never seem to be working!
That's right, because hot chicks have a... smegma attached to 'em or something.
Oh, yeah yeah. Because society has smegatized them, and then they have to like be a hot chick for like 50 years just to afford a house!
That's right, Beavis. And hot chicks take the jobs that most Americans aren't willing to do.
Yeah yeah, exactly!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.