Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

This chick is psycho!

Beavis

Yeah, it's like, you know, it's like, she's pretty hot, but it's like, I don't know, man. I'd, like, stay away from her.

Butt-head

Yeah. It's like, she's got a nice body and everything, but if you went out with her, she'd probably, like, put a rat's head on your bed or something.

Beavis

That wouldn't be so bad, it's just...she'd probably chop off your wiener, too.

Butt-head

Oh yeah. You don't want to get involved with a chick who has like, a whole bunch of pets.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. They get all psycho!

Butt-head

Hey, that looks like that dude who comes by to check the butane.

Beavis

Oh yeah, yeah. I saw that guy in my yard once, I thought he was a trespasser, so I started shooting him with my BB gun, and it's like--

Butt-head

Shut up, Beavis, those pigs are doing it!

Beavis

Really? Oh! Yeah. That's cool!

Beavis

How come that pig can score, and we can't?

Butt-head

Uh...well, the only reason that pig scored is 'cause he was, like, in a video.

Beavis

Oh yeah, yeah. I forgot about that.

Butt-head

Yeah. Like, if pigs had a video...

Beavis

Uh huh.

Butt-head

and like, we were in that video...

Beavis

Uh huh, yeah.

Butt-head

...then like, we could score.

Beavis

Hmm. You mean, like, with a pig?

Butt-head

No, dumbass! With a chick in the video!

Beavis

With a chicken??

Butt-head

No, Beavis! I'm talking like, about, like, a human chick.

Beavis

Um, what's that?

Butt-head

Just a regular chick!

Beavis

Ohh! Oh, oh, oh. Oh, I see. Yeah. Yeah, th - th - that's pretty cool, yeah.

Butt-head

What's the deal with this short dude?

Beavis

Yeah. Really.

Butt-head

Is he, like, in the band, or is he just, like, some weird dude?

Beavis

Really. It's like, all these videos now, they like, just get a couple weird dudes, and just like, shake the camera around and just, like, do a bunch of crap.

Butt-head

Yeah. They need to get back to the basics, like chicks in bikinis and explosions.

Beavis

I wish I had boobs like that.

Butt-head

Yeah. If I had boobs like that, I'd never leave the house.

Beavis

I'd leave the house so I could go get a mirror, and look at my boobs.

Butt-head

Whoa! He's holding a wiener!

Beavis

Hey, Butt-head. You know that video about that guy who lost his penis? He should watch this video!

Butt-head

That's not his penis, Beavis! Uh [chuckles]...his Beavis, penis! Penis, Beavis!

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head!

Butt-head

Penis, Beavis, Uranus!

Beavis

SHUT UP! Shut up, Butt-head! I'll kick your ass!

Butt-head

Well, at least my name doesn't rhyme with "penis."

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head. Your mom's a slut.

Butt-head

Beavis, we weren't talking about my mom. We're talking about how your name sounds like "penis."

Butt-head

Prince sure is old.

Beavis

Yeah. And he's white!

Butt-head

Yeah. He has that disease, like Michael Jackson.

Beavis

Yeah. He got it from Prince.

You don't have to be rich to be my girl, you don't have to be cool to rule my world...

Beavis

Hey, Butt-head. Do you have to be, like, cool to rule my world?

Butt-head

No, you just have to be stupid.

...kiss.

Butt-head

Kiss this! [Beavis moons the TV screen]

Beavis

I like that song "Gett Off" better. And "Cream."

Butt-head

You said "get off." That was cool.

Butt-head

Hey! This isn't Prince! This is that old guy that stuffs his pants.

Beavis

Yeah.

Beavis

Fire?

Beavis

Fire? Fire, fire! Yeah, fire, fire!

Butt-head

Shut up, assmunch, she said "liar."

Beavis

Are you calling me a liar?

Butt-head

No, I'm calling you a waste of bumwipe.

Butt-head

These are the kind of girls that won't talk to us.

Beavis

Yeah, these are a bunch of rich chicks.

Butt-head

Yeah, they're afraid of our love.

Butt-head

These cheerleaders are fat.

Beavis

Yeah.

Butt-head

These guys are cool 'cause they can, like, jump around real slow.

Beavis

Yeah.

Butt-head

That would be cool if we could go to this forest and hang out with these guys.

Beavis

Yeah. We can, like, dance in the forest and be cool.

Butt-head

Yeah!

Butt-head

Whoa! Is this, like, The Weather Channel?

Beavis

Yeah. The forecast is partially cool.

I'm the illest motherf**ker from here to Gardena...

Butt-head

[imitating the Beastie Boys] Gardena!

Beavis

Yeah.

Gardena!

Beavis

Gardena! Gardena!