Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

That guy is special.

Beavis

Yeah.

Butt-head

Brian Johnson looks like he's taking a dump.

Beavis

Yeah. He's constipated 'cause he's old!

Beavis

Look! Boobs!

Butt-head

Yeah. I like when chicks wear shirts that are so tight, you can see their boobs. That's cool!

Beavis

AAAAHHHHH!

Butt-head

UGGHH!

Beavis

NO!

Butt-head

Oh dear Lord!

Beavis

AAAAAAHHHHHH!

Beavis

Butt-head, my stomach hurts.

Butt-head

Yeah.

Beavis

Come on, Butt-head, change it. This is, like, making my stomach hurt.

Butt-head

I think this is, like, the Traveling Wilburys.

Beavis

The Traveling Dingleberries? I had one of those once, it traveled all over my butt. Come on, Butt-head, change it.

Butt-head

Okay. I think it's, like, bad for the TV when you, like, play this kind of stuff on it.

Beavis

Yeah. I think it, like, messes up the tape.

Butt-head

Whoa! These chicks are pretty tough!

Beavis

Yeah. I didn't know girls were cool.

Butt-head

These guys are pretty cool. Even though they're 60.

Beavis

Yeah. That one guy's 69.

Butt-head

He looks like Vanilli.

Beavis

Yeah.

Beavis

Hit him! Hit him! Hit him!

Butt-head

Yeah! Just keep playing!

Beavis

Yeah.

Butt-head

Everything's cool. [Joe Perry steps off the track just before the train passes] Aogh! That sucked!

Beavis

Yeah. He should've waited longer.

Beavis

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Butt-head

Cool! [car crashes, airbags deploy] Aogh! Airbags suck!

Beavis

Yeah.

Butt-head

Joey Buttafuoco!

Beavis

You said "Buttafuoco."

Butt-head

Hey, Beavis. What do you think "Buttafuoco" means?

Rag doll, livin' in a movie, hot tramp, daddy's little cutie...

Butt-head

Beavis, I thought you were daddy's little cutie.

Beavis

Shut up, bunghole!

Beavis

Um...um, is this Alice in Chains?

Butt-head

Uh, yeah.

Beavis

Wow. Boy, they sure look different.

Butt-head

Uh, maybe it's 'cause they had to, like, you know, clean themselves up, you know, 'cause it's a slow song?

Beavis

Yeah. I'll buy that.

Beavis

Remember that time we went to the circus, and we saw that clown? And then I, like, pulled down my pants-- [a woman's nipple is shown] Whoa, check it out! I just saw a nipple, Butt-head, look!

Butt-head

Where?

Beavis

It was - it was, like, right at the end of a boob!

Butt-head

Beavis, that's just a puppet nipple.

Beavis

Um...uh...no it wasn't! W - what do you mean?

Butt-head

That's just, like, a chick made out of clay, Beavis.

Beavis

Um...oh. Yeah yeah, but...she has a nipple on it!

Butt-head

Beavis, I could go get some clay now and make a boob with a nipple on it. So what?

Beavis

Um...wait a minute. You have some clay?

Butt-head

No.

Beavis

Damn. Next time they have those clay projects in school, I'm gonna make a big boob. Yeah. Maybe a butt, too.

Butt-head

Yeah. Last time, you just made an ashtray. It sucked.

Beavis

Oh yeah. Well, you made a baseball.

Butt-head

Oh yeah. Then the teacher called me a lazy turd.

Beavis

Oh yeah. So then you made that.

Butt-head

Yeah. But not out of clay.

Butt-head

Rats are cool!

Beavis

Yeah. Somebody better call the Orkin Man. [Tori Amos is holding a candle] Whoa, candle! Candle! Candle! Candle!

Butt-head

Candles rule.

Beavis

Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever seen those alarm clocks, that they're like, candles, and you stick 'em up your butt?

Butt-head

Uh, I've never heard of that, Beavis.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. It's like, they have all these times written on the side, and then you light it and sleep on your stomach, and then when it like, burns down to the time, it's like, it's like, it gets on your butt and you go, "AHHHHHH-HHHHHHHH-HHHHHHHHHH!" and then you wake up. Yeah.

Butt-head

Really?

Beavis

Yeah. I'll show you one, my uncle has a whole bunch of 'em. He usually gives me one for my birthday.