Butt-head[chortling] White people...
You know, I was thinking like, people couldn't even get any whiter, and then you know, look at this.
Butt-head
They are the whitest people I have ever seen. I think this is music for like, white people that have never had anything bad happen to them.
They've never had adversity.
Butt-head
They decided to rebel against their parents by making even softer rock.
Yeah yeah, don't express yourself too much. Come on.
Butt-head
These guys were like, "That music in the elevators is too balls out for us."
DBDavid Byrne
I can barely touch my own self...
Butt-head
He can't touch himself?
Um... th - that's not really very funny. I - it's like, um, that couldn't happen to me, could it?
Butt-head
Uh...
[the two see a spinning naked mannequin with a bag over its head]
H - h - hey, wait! W - w - wait a - wait a minute, wait a minute!
Butt-head
That wasn't a chick, was it?
I think it was, Butt-head. I think a saw a couple boobs!
Hey, change it, Butt-head, this is making me dizzy.
Butt-head
Come on, Beavis! It'll give you a good buzz.
Yeah, but it's like, I'm getting sick to my stomach, come on!
[Butt-head changes the channel]
[the video opens with Camila getting greeted at the door by her family, kissing the side of her face without contacting her face]
Butt-head
They missed.
Yeah, by a mile. They suck at kissing.
Butt-head
They're never gonna score.
Well, you know, I'd score with them. I would not miss.
Is this like, Thanksgiving or something?
Butt-head
Uh, yeah I think so.
Butt-head
Uh, I think it's like the third November of the year or something.
Butt-head
Remember that time your mom tried to have Thanksgiving, 'cause like, she had that boyfriend for like a week?
Oh yeah yeah, that's right.
Butt-head
Lots of dudes are thankful for your mom, Beavis.
Oh yeah yeah... yeah. Yeah...
Butt-head
Uh, I mean a lot of dudes, Beavis.
Butt-head
I mean, like, hundreds of dudes.
Butt-head
They all go around the table, and ask what they're thankful for, and they all say "Beavis's mom."
Come on, Butt-head, that's enough. Come on. You know, I do like this video, though.
Butt-head
Uhhh... it is pretty cool. But don't change the subject, Beavis. On the first Thanksgiving, the Indians taught the Pilgrims how to eat maize, and the Pilgrims taught the Indians how to do your mom.
Yeah. They're like, "See? It's easy!" Come on, Butt-head.
Butt-head
On the first Thanksgiving, the Pilgrims and Squanto pulled a train on your mom.
Butt-head
And there was peace throughout the land, 'cause everyone got a piece of your mom.
Okay, come on, Butt-head, enough.
Butt-head
Anyway, in all seriousness, Beavis, I know I make fun of your mom a lot, but that's because she's a slut.
Shut up, Butt-head! She is not! She just has sex with lots and lots of guys, that's all.
Butt-head
Oh. I stand corrected.
Besides Butt-head, I heard somewhere that um, slut is like, like a good word now. You know, like, "Yeah yeah, I'm a slut! Yeah!"
Butt-head
Uhhhh, oh. Well then, like I was saying, your mom is the biggest slut of all time.
Yeah, thank you. I'll tell her you said that.
SISong Intro
We could burn like evergreen, we could fire up every tree...
Butt-head
Uh, is this like, choir music?
Yeah, it probably sucks, but it's called "Burning Fffire", so like, you know, maybe give it a chance, because you know... fire! Yeah. I mean, you know, maybe they'll burn this guy with a beard or something, I don't know.
Butt-head
I sure hope so.
[as a woman shows her husband a pregnancy test]
Butt-head
He's like, "Oh, you've got COVID!"
Yeah, yeah, "Let's go celebrate!"
I can't figure out if this is like, like some kind of truck commercial, or like, insurance, or like for some prescription drugs or something, you know?
Butt-head
Yeah. I think it's like for boner pills.
Side effects may include a burning fffire!
Butt-head
Camino is not suitable for anybody. Do not take Camino if, uh... well just don't take it. It sucks.
[an older couple is shown on screen, upset at something]
See now, I think that's supposed to be Camino when he's old, and he's shaved off his beard.
Butt-head
No it's not, Beavis. That's his dad, and the other chick is his mom. They're ashamed of their son.
Yeah, it's like, "He's out there in a field singing a song that sucks. We need to stop him, now!"
Butt-head
"We did our best, honey, and he's still singing."
"Why don't you quit crying then, and go out there and do something about it?"
Butt-head
Yeah. "Grandma, get me my lighter and a can of gas. I'll show him a burning fire."
Yeah, give Camino something to cry about.
FSFrank Ski
Whores in this house, there's some whores in this house, there's some whores in this house...
Old Butt-head
This looks like one of those videos where they're like trying to sell a house.
Yeah, like that time we went to that open house to get free cookies, and they made us watch a video.
Old Butt-head
Yeah. She was like, "Can I answer any questions about the property?"
"Yeah, yeah, I was wondering, are there any whores in this house?"
Old Butt-head
"Yes there are, there are several whores in this house."
"The house does include a big old butt on the wall, and lots of boobs, and a tiger."
Old Butt-head
"Oh, and the tigers are also whores. And they are included."
"The schools are fantastic. There's some whores in this house, and the roof is brand new."
Old Butt-head
"The house has an Olympic-sized pool that's one foot deep."
"Yeah, it's great for little kids, or whores, you know, or both! You know."
Old Butt-head
"Uh, ma'am, I have a question about the plumbing. I've heard it can get wet and gushy in here."
"Uh, yes sir, it can, and that's just because of the whores, you know? There are some whores in this house, you know?"
Cardi B Macaroni in a pot, that's so wet and gushy...
You know, um, you know that's really disgusting, Butt-head. I mean it's okay for grown-ups, but they should make a clean version of this song. You know, like, "Damp Vagina", well I mean not that, but you know like- but maybe that! I mean, you know, "Damp Vagina." Kinda has a ring to it, you know? Kinda romantic.
Old Butt-head
Well I wish we had some whores in this house.
I guess. I don't even know where we'd put them, you know? Does this couch fold out?
Old Butt-head
Uhhhh... I don't know. It doesn't matter anyway. There's no whores in this house.
[video opens with an old man holding his breath, turning his face blue]
Hey hey, is he gonna vomit? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, VOMIT, VOMIT! VOMIT! VOMIT, DAMMIT!
Butt-head
Settle down, Beavis.
BBBrian Bell
Mr. Blue Veins...
Butt-head
Mr. Blue Vein?
Yeah. Hey, Butt-head. I have a blue vein.
Butt-head
Okay, Beavis.
Yeah. Yeah. Hey, Butt-head. Hey, Butt-head. Check it out.
Butt-head
UGHH!
Come on, hey Butt-head! Butt-head! Check it out.
Butt-head
Put Mr. Blue Vein away, Beavis!
It'll be a Wednesday, and I'll be going to this coffee shop, hear the barista call an oat milk latte and your name, and I look up from my phone and think there's no chance it's you, but it is...
Butt-head
Uhhh...
...say, "How's your family? How's your sister?" I'll say, "Shannon's being Shannon." After a minute of nonsensical chatter, you'll say...
Does she know that the video's started yet?
Butt-head
She can't decide if she's like talking or singing or rapping or just not really trying very hard.
Beavis and Butt-Head · 2,204 quotes