Smart Butt-head quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Beavis

Whoa, heh, she's like, seeing things! How does she do that?

Butt-head

Uh, here I'll show you, Beavis. This might hurt a little. [smacks Beavis]

Beavis

AH!!! AHH, heh, AH! Whoa! Um, heh, uh, I don't think that worked, Butt-head. Try it again!

Butt-head

Uh, okay! [smacks Beavis again]

Beavis

Whenever I go to birthday parties, I like to just, like, tear open presents and break stuff, and just run around and go: "RAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHRAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!"

Butt-head

Beavis, you've never been invited to a party in your life!

Beavis

Yeah I did, remember at Stewart's party? We were, like, playing hide and seek, and I like, [laughing] climbed in the dryer, and took a poop!

Butt-head

Yeah! I bet his mom was surprised to find that present!

Butt-head

These are cool presents!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. That dude's pretty cool for an old guy!

Butt-head

Yeah. She didn't even thank him!

Beavis

Yeah, if someone gave me an axe like that, I'd say: "Thank you, sir! That's a very nice axe. That was very nice of you!"

Butt-head

Yeah, the dead dog was nice too.

Beavis

Whoa! Hey, don't look, Butt-head, that was what I was gonna get you for your birthday!

Butt-head

Uh, that would be cool.

Beavis

Now I'm gonna hafta get you what I got Stewart.

Butt-head

Beavis.

Beavis

When I was makin' one for Stewart, I made one for you too!

Butt-head

Beavis, I hope you've got insurance, because I'm about to kick your ass.

Butt-head

I think this is The Jesus and Mary Chain.

Beavis

Quit cursing, Butt-head.

Butt-head

I'm not! That's the name of the band, Beavis!

Beavis

Why would anybody name their band that?! It means like...everytime you like...say the name of the band, you're like, um, doing one of those, um...sins?

Butt-head

Yeah. They're gonna spend an eternity in Hell.

Butt-head

Oh man! What is this?

Beavis

Yeah! This guy really sucks, and I'm not just saying that either!

Butt-head

Where's he going with that magazine?

Beavis

He's going into the bathroom, and he's taking those guys with him.

Beavis

All right! A video! Yeah!

Butt-head

I like music videos.

Beavis

Yeah, because you don't just hear the band, you see 'em too.

Beavis

This is gonna be cool! I haven't seen a video in a while.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah! Look, there's like a spaceship and stuff!

Butt-head

Wow!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah! This is great. This is just great!

Butt-head

I didn't know something could kick this much ass.

Beavis

Yeah! Oh yeah, that's cool. That's wild.

Beavis

Ooh, she's got a bunch of arms...

Butt-head

Yeah!

Butt-head

Wow!

Beavis

That was cool!

That's unbelievable!

Beavis

Boy, I haven't seen a video in a while, that is really great!

Beavis

Hey Butt-head, got any more nutmeg?

Butt-head

I don't think so.

Beavis

That's okay. That's okay, man. I don't need any.

Beavis

Is this kid a foreigner?

Butt-head

No, buttmunch! He's just too young to know how to talk yet.

Beavis

No way, Butt-head. I knew how to talk, like, right when I was born.

Butt-head

Really? That's pretty cool.

Beavis

I said, "First, I, like, want something to eat, and then I'm gonna take a dump." It was cool.

Butt-head

Wait a minute, Beavis. I thought you flunked kindergarten because you didn't know how to talk.

Beavis

Oh, you mean, like, talking out loud? That's a whole 'nother story, Butt-head.

Butt-head

Whoa! Is this The Partridge Family?

Beavis

Um...yeah!

Butt-head

I think this is Barry Manilow.

Beavis

This isn't Barry Manilow. He's blonde haired like me.

Butt-head

Yeah, and he sucks like you too.

Beavis

Yeah. I mean, no. Buttmunch.

Butt-head

Uh...uhhhhh...boy, this is horrible.

Beavis

Yeah! And it sucks too.

Butt-head

Yeah! This video, like, like if it was a turd, it would like, be like the same thing.

Beavis

Yeah. At least if this video was a turd, it would like...be kind of cool.

Butt-head

Yeah, this guy sucks! And then this guy! Just look at him!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah! Yeah. What a dork!

FASTER THAN A BULLET!!!! TERRIFYING SCREAM!!!!!

Beavis

[does an exaggerated impersonation of Rob Halford]

Butt-head

Hey! I feel like killing myself! I feel like killing you!

Butt-head

Uh...uh-oh. This is horrible.

Beavis

I kinda feel sorry for these guys, you know, because um, I think it's probably not their fault that they suck so much.

Butt-head

Uh...yeah it is.

Butt-head

Uh...wow. This might be the worst crap I've ever seen in my life.

Beavis

Um...this dude kinda looks like that dude from Sesame Street...The Count.

Butt-head

Yeah. It's like [imitating The Count] A-one! A-two! A-three! A-four buttknockers! Ahahahaha!

Beavis

[also imitating The Count] Ahahahahahahaha!

Butt-head

Oh boy. This is really sad. It's probably like, you know, he has kids and stuff, and he's like "Okay kids, I gotta put on my make-up and go do another show."

Beavis

Yeah, you know? It's too bad, really.

This one's called "Martin Scorsese".

Butt-head

Uhhhhhhh, "Martin Scores Easy"?

Beavis

Yeah, yeah! It's hard for me to score.