Smart Butt-head quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

Check it out! Hole!

Beavis

Oh yeah! Who are these guys, Butt-head?

Butt-head

Uh...this is Hole, Beavis. Who did you think I was talking about?

Beavis

Oh! I thought you were talking about her bunghole.

Butt-head

You dumbass.

Beavis

Yeah. Hole!

Butt-head

So like, the sign at the beginning said "violence", and the band's name is Hole, and it's like, we aren't seeing any violence or any hole.

Beavis

Yeah, really! That sucks!

Butt-head

Yeah. They need to like, show a big, violent butthole.

Beavis

I'll show you my butthole if you want. [Butt-head slaps Beavis across both sides of his face] Ow!

Beavis

You know, I heard this Hole chick is a slut.

Butt-head

Really?

Beavis

Yeah, I think it'd be cool if like, we got together and like, we could like spaz out and stuff, and then we could like, do it.

Butt-head

Beavis, the only way you could score is if she was like, the biggest slut in the world.

Beavis

Yeah! Yeah! [Beavis' eyes widen] YEAH!

Butt-head

You know who Hole looks like in this video? She looks like that Tori Spelling chick.

Beavis

Yeah, but Hole looks a lot hotter than Tori Spelling.

Butt-head

What kind of a name is Hole anyways?

Beavis

Yeah, I mean, if you're gonna name your daughter Hole, at least name her like, Bunghole or something.

Butt-head

It could be like, you know, that joke where the father names her after the first thing he sees when she's born.

Beavis

Yeah, but then why would he, um...oh yeah!

Butt-head

[moans]

Beavis

Um, hey Butt-head, is it normal for the inside of your bunghole to itch?

Butt-head

Whoa! Is this video over?

Beavis

Um, yeah! Yeah, it's over!

Butt-head

Well that was pretty cool. I mean it sucked but at least it was short! They should make 'em all this short!

Beavis

Yeah, really! Then you wouldn't have to listen to 'em as much. What else is on?

Shanna, will you hurry up and get your funky butt off the bed?

Beavis

Did you hear that? She just called her monkey butt!

Butt-head

Yeah. That was pretty cool!

Beavis

I'm getting kinda sick of Janet Jackson.

Butt-head

Yeah. She always has a bunch of chicks sitting around and talking before the video.

Beavis

That's a pretty nice hotel.

Butt-head

Yeah. When you're, like, rich and famous, you can stay in those really nice hotels where they have adult videos and hourly rates and stuff like that.

Beavis

How come hotels have hourly rates anyway?

Butt-head

'Cause, dumbass, it only takes, like, an hour to do it.

Beavis

Wow. A whole hour?

Butt-head

A whole whore.

Beavis

Yeah, a whole whore.

Butt-head

You can get on the phone and be like "Uhh, room service? I'd like some bacon, and a couple Cokes, and a bunch of whores..."

Beavis

Yeah yeah! "And a side order of POOP!"

Butt-head

Uh, what did you say, Beavis?

Beavis

Oh, I was just saying, "And a side order of POOP!"

Butt-head

Oh boy. Beavis, you just sent my boner into the ground.

Beavis

Um, oh. Sorry about that. I just, you know...I don't know, I thought it was pretty cool. [muttering to himself] A side order of poop? To go with the whores?

Butt-head

Shut up, Beavis.

Butt-head

Excuse me, are those Bunghole Boys you're wearing?

Beavis

[laughs] Bunghole Boys.

Could you handle this?

Butt-head

Could you handle this, Beavis?

Beavis

Yeah, since I can handle this, I can probably handle that!

Butt-head

Ugh! What are you doing, Beavis?

Beavis

Doin' my monkey boy.

Butt-head

Dammit Beavis, get down!

Beavis

I am gettin' down! Rat-a-tat-tat-d'atass...

Butt-head

Uh...is this another one of those damn '80s suck videos?

Beavis

Oh yeah! Oh yeah, it's from that album The Classics of Suck.

Beavis

Hey Butt-head, those aren't real gorillas.

Butt-head

Yeah. They had to get fake ones, 'cause like, they knew real ones wouldn't listen to this crap. You know what animal would listen to this crap? Is a cow.

Beavis

Yeah. Cows can listen to this crap, because they have like...they have like, um, six stomachs.

Butt-head

I bet you can get a cow to listen to like, Warrant.

Beavis

Hey Butt-head, who is this buttknocker anyways?

Butt-head

Uh...this is James.

Beavis

James who?

Butt-head

His parents asked him not to use their last name, because like, he sucks.

Beavis

His parents said "Son, we know you suck, and that's OK, but could you just not use our name?"

Butt-head

Yeah. And then they hugged him.

Beavis

Yeah. What a wuss!

Beavis

I can't touch this!

Butt-head

I can't watch this! [changes channel]