JJJanet Jackson
Shanna, will you hurry up and get your funky butt off the bed?
Did you hear that? She just called her monkey butt!
Yeah. That was pretty cool!
“J”
In this episode: Smart Butt-head (23), Smart Beavis (22), Butthead (1)
I'm getting kinda sick of Janet Jackson.
Yeah. She always has a bunch of chicks sitting around and talking before the video.
That's a pretty nice hotel.
Yeah. When you're, like, rich and famous, you can stay in those really nice hotels where they have adult videos and hourly rates and stuff like that.
How come hotels have hourly rates anyway?
'Cause, dumbass, it only takes, like, an hour to do it.
Wow. A whole hour?
A whole whore.
Yeah, a whole whore.
You can get on the phone and be like "Uhh, room service? I'd like some bacon, and a couple Cokes, and a bunch of whores..."
Yeah yeah! "And a side order of POOP!"
Uh, what did you say, Beavis?
Oh, I was just saying, "And a side order of POOP!"
Oh boy. Beavis, you just sent my boner into the ground.
Um, oh. Sorry about that. I just, you know...I don't know, I thought it was pretty cool. [muttering to himself] A side order of poop? To go with the whores?
Shut up, Beavis.
Excuse me, are those Bunghole Boys you're wearing?
[laughs] Bunghole Boys.
JJJanet Jackson
Could you handle this?
Could you handle this, Beavis?
Yeah, since I can handle this, I can probably handle that!
[Beavis is humping the couch]
Ugh! What are you doing, Beavis?
Doin' my monkey boy.
Dammit Beavis, get down!
I am gettin' down! Rat-a-tat-tat-d'atass...
James, Say Something
Uh...is this another one of those damn '80s suck videos?
Oh yeah! Oh yeah, it's from that album The Classics of Suck.
[The band is in gorilla costumes]
Hey Butt-head, those aren't real gorillas.
Yeah. They had to get fake ones, 'cause like, they knew real ones wouldn't listen to this crap. You know what animal would listen to this crap? Is a cow.
Yeah. Cows can listen to this crap, because they have like...they have like, um, six stomachs.
I bet you can get a cow to listen to like, Warrant.
Hey Butt-head, who is this buttknocker anyways?
Uh...this is James.
James who?
His parents asked him not to use their last name, because like, he sucks.
His parents said "Son, we know you suck, and that's OK, but could you just not use our name?"
Yeah. And then they hugged him.
Yeah. What a wuss!
James, Rick, Super Freak
Whoa! It's hammer time!
I can't touch this!
I can't watch this! [changes channel]
Jawbox, Savory
[three birthday cakes are seen floating over a bed]
Whoa, heh, she's like, seeing things! How does she do that?
Uh, here I'll show you, Beavis. This might hurt a little. [smacks Beavis]
AH!!! AHH, heh, AH! Whoa! Um, heh, uh, I don't think that worked, Butt-head. Try it again!
Uh, okay! [smacks Beavis again]
Whenever I go to birthday parties, I like to just, like, tear open presents and break stuff, and just run around and go: "RAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHRAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!"
Beavis, you've never been invited to a party in your life!
Yeah I did, remember at Stewart's party? We were, like, playing hide and seek, and I like, [laughing] climbed in the dryer, and took a poop!
Yeah! I bet his mom was surprised to find that present!
[the girl in the video is given an axe]
These are cool presents!
Yeah, yeah. That dude's pretty cool for an old guy!
Yeah. She didn't even thank him!
Yeah, if someone gave me an axe like that, I'd say: "Thank you, sir! That's a very nice axe. That was very nice of you!"
[the girl opens up a present containing a dead, stuffed dog]
Yeah, the dead dog was nice too.
Whoa! Hey, don't look, Butt-head, that was what I was gonna get you for your birthday!
Uh, that would be cool.
Now I'm gonna hafta get you what I got Stewart.
Beavis.
When I was makin' one for Stewart, I made one for you too!
Beavis, I hope you've got insurance, because I'm about to kick your ass.
The Jesus and Mary Chain, Come On
I think this is The Jesus and Mary Chain.
Quit cursing, Butt-head.
I'm not! That's the name of the band, Beavis!
Why would anybody name their band that?! It means like...everytime you like...say the name of the band, you're like, um, doing one of those, um...sins?
Yeah. They're gonna spend an eternity in Hell.
Billy Joel, Uptown Girl
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.