[Beavis is sitting on the couch by himself while Butt-head is in the bathroom]
Hey Butt-head! BUTT-HEAD, BUTT-HEAD!
Butt-headWhat? WHAT?!
Come here, quick! [to himself] This is cool. Butt-head, come here, quick!
Butt-head
Uh! [he flushes the toilet and rushes over to the couch] What?
Cool! Check this out Butt-head, this is cool!
Butt-head
Uhhhhhh, is there a naked chick?
No, but check it out, this is cool!
Butt-head
It is?
Yeah, yeah! Oh wait, check it out!
Butt-head
Beavis, what are you talkin' about?
Well check it out, see, see?! This guy has a like, one of those dog things on his neck! That's cool! Yeah! Then check this out, check this out, this guy's about to stab this guy, see, he's got a spear! He's chasin' him, YEAH, YEAH, GET HIM, GET HIM, GET HIM! YES, YES!
Butt-head
Damn it, Beavis.
This is so cool! Yes, yes!
Butt-head
You got me out of the bathroom to see a dog collar?
Yeah, yeah! It's pretty cool, huh? Yeah.
Butt-head
What's wrong with you, Beavis?
Whoa! Cool! This RULES! It rules! Yeah, YES! Yeah! Hey Butt-head, now check this out, see, check it out, this guy's chasin' him, STAB HIM, STAB HIM! Yeah.
Butt-head
Damn it, Beavis! You're not supposed to get me out of the bathroom unless it's like a naked chick or something.
Yeah, but even like, if this video really does suck, I bet you forgot to wipe!
Butt-head
Shut up, Beavis!
Infectious Grooves, Violent and Funky
Butt-head
If I was a clown, I'd make it so like my head would explode when you pull my finger, and all this crap would like fly out of my head and land on other people and stuff.
Yeah. If I was a clown, I'd go to all the parties, and like eat all the cake, and take stuff home with me.
Butt-head
That's what you do at parties anyway, Beavis.
Yeah, but then I'd be a clown, so I'd like have all these big shoes and stuff, so it'd be different.
Butt-head
If I was a clown, I'd kick your ass, Beavis, until it's beet red and I'd say, [Clown-like voice] "Look, kiddies! Look at his butt!"
Yeah, and then I'd say, "Thanks for coming to the show. Hope you had a good time. See you next time."
Butt-head
Yeah. That would be cool.
Chris Isaak, Somebody's Crying
Butt-head
Did you know that in California, any chick will do it with you?
Really? You mean, like, all the girls are SLUTS?
Butt-head
Yep.
Whoa, that is cool! Yeah, yeah, let's go!
Butt-head
You know, another thing about California, is that all the dudes there looks like Kato Kaelin.
He seems like a great guy, you know?
Butt-head
Yeah. That's how come, you know, everyone just lets him live at their house, like OJ Simpson. He goes "You know, you're a great guy. Why don't you come on over and stay a while?"
I'd let him crash here because, like, he's such a great guy.
Butt-head
Yeah. What a great guy.
Except he kinda looks like the ass end of a dolphin.
Butt-head
Yeah, he does, sort of. But that's okay. Because he's cool.
Hey Butt-head, what's that stuff we took from the army guy?
Butt-head
Uh, let's see. [tries to read a label of mace] Ma- mas... masay? Masay. It must be from France or something.
Yeah, cool, yeah. Mahseur! Mahsoir!
[after both boys mace themselves in the face and are in agony on the ground]
Um Butt-head, is cologne supposed to hurt?
Butt-head
Yeah, dumbass. That's how you know it's working
Yeah, but my face feels all hot and stuff, and it hurts to see things.
Butt-head
Well, nobody said scoring was gonna feel good.
Oh yeah, that's true. I'm gonna score no matter how much it sucks!
[severely depressed] Butt-head, I can never spank my monkey again... and I can never score, or I will die.
Butt-head
Uh, really?
Butt-head
Uh, then I guess your nads are only good for one thing, Beavis.
What's that? [Butt-head kicks him in the testicles] AHHHH! Why do they still have to hurt?!
There's Stewart's house. Goddamn dirty butthole. Stewart, son of a bitch... he stole my bike.
[Butt-head rings the doorbell]
Old Butt-head
That's right, he sure did. When he opens this door, you should kick his ass.
[Stewart answers the door]
Beavis and Butt-head? You finally came over to visit!
Damn you, Stewart! I'm gonna kick your ass, because you stole-
Do you wanna come in for a beer?
A beer? Yeah okay, yeah yeah. Yeah, that sounds pretty good, sure. Beer would hit the spot.
[time passes; Beavis and Butt-head are chugging cans of beer]
This is what it's all about, right? Beers with your best friends from high school. I mean, I'm not a big drinker, but Caitlyn made some of her famous cucumber-water-
No, uh, sorry guys, I think that's it-
That's enough, Stewart! There's a time in a man's life when he's not gonna take it anymore! So today, I am gonna kick your fatass-
This is just like old times. Let's get some pizza!
Yeah, yea, pizza sounds cool, yeah. Okay, yeah. Buy us some pizza.
[more time passes and the pizza is all gone]
Man we had some good times. Hey, remember when you locked me in the closet and forgot I was in there? You guys. Always giving me the business-
Shut up, butthole! It's finally time to kick your ass!
[the door opens] Oh! Caitlyn's home from the pool.
Okay, yeah, let's check out what your wife looks like in a bathing suit. That'll be cool, yeah.
Old Butt-head
Ooh! Good idea.
Hey Butt-head, I think we got enough coins out of the river to get the bike fixed.
Old Butt-head
Uh, that means it's enough money to buy beer with, dumbass.
Oh yeah, yeah. Beer rules. You're a good friend, Butt-head.
Old Butt-head
You're damn right.
Look, Butt-head! Mrs. Higgins' poodle!
BBBeavis and Butt-head
DOG BASEBALL!!
Butt-head
GET IT!!
[The pair chase the dog as it fades to the end credits, where the dog is heard wimpering]
Beavis and Butt-Head · 2,204 quotes