Smart Butt-head quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

  Our dog's gonna be cool.  We'll have to, like, teach him to do cool tricks and stuff.

Beavis

  Yeah.  Sit, boy.  Sit.  Sit.  Sit or I'll kick your ass.  Yeah.

Butt-head

  That's not a cool trick.  A cool trick is, like, to teach him to, like, bite stuff.

Beavis

  Yeah, yeah.  Bite, bite, bite.  Bite everything.  Yeah.

Butt-head

  We're gonna teach him to, like, bite stuff that sucks.

Beavis

  Yeah, yeah.  Yeah.

Butt-head

  This is gonna be cool.

You're watching PBS.

Butt-head

He said "BS".

Beavis

But first he said "P".

  You're watching PBS.

Butt-head

  He said "B.S."

Beavis

  But first he said "pee."

Butt-head, you've slept with over 5,000 women. How do you explain the attraction to you?

Butt-head

Uh...just look at me!

Butt-head

[chorus] Here's the story of a guy named Butt-head, who was horny for three very lovely girls...

Beavis

[chorus] Then along came a guy named Beavis, he was horny too.

They're a real bargain at only $2 each. Heck, they practically sell themselves! Now, what if I told you that the richest man...

Butt-head

[mockingly] Blah blah blah blah blaaah bluhhh-ehhh!

Beavis

[in imitation] Blaaaah-blaaaah, heck, they practically sell themselves, ehhhh!

Well, you two seem to be real know-it-alls. Why don't you tell us what you're gonna say when a customer says "no"?

Butt-head

Uhhhh, I'd say, "blah blah blah blah blah-leuuuh-luh!"

Beavis

[in imitation again] Blah blah blah blah, what do you say when a customer says no? You seem to know it all! Blah blah blah-blah-blah-blah!

Butt-head

Our school's making us sell candy.

Beavis

Yeah, we're losers!

Mr. Anderson

What in the hell kind of sales approach is that?! You boys couldn't sell a dollar for 50 cents.

Butt-head

He wants what's in your pocket.

Beavis

He's a pocket fisherman.

Oh no, you're not gonna pull that on me again! It took me six months to get another job. [Grabs Beavis] Now give me the rest of the money, you little twerp!

Beavis

Ahhh! He's trying to touch my wiener! Let go, pervert!

Butt-head

Kick him in the nads, Beavis!

Buzzcut

What in the hell are you doing?! This is my class, I do the ass-kicking around here!

Wait your turn, Jarhead! [slaps him, Buzzcut's face turns red, and becomes furious]

Buzzcut

You just made a fatal mistake, Mr. Candyass! I hope you're familiar with some hand to hand combat techniques!

Oh, you're going down, soldier boy! [tries to hit him, but Buzzcut brutally kicks him in the head]

Beavis

Kick 'em, kick 'em!

Butt-head

Kick 'em in the butt.

Beavis

Kick 'em in the nads!

Butt-head

Hey let's like, draw more people getting killed. That way we can make a total massacre.

Beavis

Yeah, MASSACRE! MASSACRE!

Beavis

So like, in animation you have to draw tons of dead people just to end up with two dead people?!

Butt-head

Animation sucks!

OK, let's see, who hasn't gone yet? Beavis! Are you ready to inspire us with your report?

Butt-head

[awakens Beavis by slapping him] You're next, dillhole!

Come on, Beavis! Stand up and tell us about the woman you admire the most!

Beavis

Um... oh yeah... OK.

Go ahead! Reveal to us the identity of this profoundly influential female!

Beavis

Oh yeah! Um, uh... oh yeah. My mom!

Butt-head

You wuss.

Butt-head, I hope your report is a little more wider in scope than Beavis's.

Butt-head

The woman I admire most, is... uh... Beavis's mom.

Butt-head

What's up with you, Beavis? You look like you're pregnant.

Beavis

AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!

Butt-head

I just realized something. Being married would suck. You'd just hang around with the same person all the time, and say all the same dumb stuff over and over again. That would suck.

Beavis

Heh, yeah.

Tom Anderson

[to his wife] Hold my hand, honeybunch.

Butt-head

[to Beavis] Pull my finger, buttmunch.

Beavis

This music sucks!

Butt-head

Yeah... I wonder when the bride chick's gonna be here...

Butt-head

  Uh…we need to change the oil.

Beavis

  Yeah, if you could just change it while we wait, that would be fine.

  Okay, pull your car in.

Butt-head

  Uh, car?

Beavis

  Yeah, what do we need a car for?

  Well, how the hell am I supposed to change the oil if you don't have a car?