Smart Butt-head quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Beavis

Hey Butt-head. I think I might throw up.

Butt-head

Cool. That might like, take some time.

Beavis

[leans over and gags, then coughs] ...I can't do it.

Butt-head

[gags as well] Uh...me neither. And there's like, an hour and a lot of minutes before something cool's on TV. Time sucks.

Butt-head

[holding an empty garbage can] Now remember the rules, Beavis. I throw it at you, then you throw it at me.

Beavis

Um, I don't get it. How do you win? [is hit in the head with the can, and falls over]

Butt-head

[laughs] That was cool.

Beavis

What do we do now?

Butt-head

Uh...we could do homework.

Hey guys, what are you doing?

Beavis

Hey Butt-head. Stewart can like, kill some time.

Butt-head

Uh, yeah. Say something, Stewart.

Really? You wanna talk to me? Wow, that's cool. Let's go to the mall, I know this great new place-

Butt-head

[interrupting] This sucks.

Beavis

Yeah.

Butt-head

You know what they say Beavis, when you walk the walk you gotta...uhhh, talk too.

Beavis

What's that mean?

Butt-head

It means we gotta hit on the chicks, assmunch. Otherwise they'll just think we're like, all looks. Check out those chicks over there!

Beavis

Hey baby--

Butt-head

Hey baby-- Check out our beards.

Beavis

Damn, we're smooth.

We're gonna call the cops if y'all don't leave us alone.

Butt-head

That sucked.

Beavis

Yeah.

Butt-head

[choking] Beavis?

Beavis

Yea Butt-Head?

Butt-head

I'm..[gasps]..I'm.. [gasps again] I'm

Beavis

Agh, I hate this stupid game. [Butt-Head grabs Beavis's throat] AGH AHG!. Uhh choking, your choking?

Butt-head

[choking] Beavis! Beavis! I'm choking!

Beavis

Yeah, so. What do you want me to do about it?

Butt-head

Call 911!

Beavis

Why don't you call? You're closer.

Butt-head

You're closer, dumb-ass.

Beavis

Oh, yeah.

Butt-head

  [choking]  Beavis?

Beavis

  Yeah, Butt-head?

Butt-head

  I'm…[gasps]…I'm…[gasps again]…I'm…

Beavis

  Agh, I hate this stupid game.  [Butt-head grabs Beavis's throat]  Agh ahg!  Uhh, choking, your choking?  [Butt-head knods, points to the box of chicken nuggets on the couch]  Uh, chicken?  Your choking your chicken?  [Butt-head nods]  So what do you want me to do about it?

We're looking for a person named Todd.

Beavis

Uh, he's not here. Uh huh huh.

That's not what I heard from.

Butt-head

Uh, sirs. I'm afraid I have to kick your ass. Huh huh.

Beavis

And I will kick you in the nads.

Butt-head

Ow! Cut it out! Don't make me kick your ass!

Beavis

Don't make me kick you in the nads!

Socko's great.

Butt-head

Uh,huh,huh,huh... Socko has a hand up his butt.

Beavis

Heh,heh,heh,heh, yeah,heh,heh,heh.

Butt-head

Do have any big dogs?

Wild animals only.

Butt-head

Uh, do have any woodpeckers? Huh huh huh. Woodpeckers.

Butt-head

Did you pay for that, ma'am?

Yes.

Butt-head

May I see your receipt, please?

Beavis

Yeah. Heh heh. May I see your slit?

[insulted] Excuse me?

Butt-head

Uhh... could we like rescue?

I don't think so!

Butt-head

Hey, we could do that so that we could get bigger thingies.

Beavis

[looks down his shirt] Mine are big enough already. Heh, it's not worth the risk.

Butt-head

Not bigger boobs, dumbass, like we could get bigger wieners.

Butt-head

Hey, Beavis. We're in a hole.

Beavis

Oh, yeah. Hole. [Beavis hits a pipe with his shovel] Hey, Butt-head! Butt-head! I just like, felt something.

Butt-head

[thinking he meant a boner] Uh...okay.

Beavis

Oh, yeah. Wait, no, no. I mean, I felt something, like, with my shovel. Come here, check it out. [He bangs on the pipe with his shovel, and makes a hole in it. Sewage starts coming out] It's oil! It's oil, Butt-head! We've struck oil! It's oil!

Butt-head

Cool! A bubbling crude.

Beavis

Yeah. Oil, that is.

Butt-head

Black gold.

Beavis

Texas tea.

Butt-head

[smelling it] Ugh! Oil smells like turds.

Beavis

Yeah. I bet that's why it's so expensive.