Smart Butt-head quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Beavis

Oh boy, this sure is horrible. [snickers]

Butt-head

The United Colors of Bentaton...

Butt-head

Uh, what happened to the sound?

Beavis

Yeah. Ummm...

Butt-head

These guys seem pretty cool.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. It's like, they kinda remind me of myself.

Butt-head

Yeah, right! You remind me of, like, Urkel.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head! I'm cool!

Beavis

Hey, hey, THAT'S MY BIKE! Remember, my bike was stolen last week, that's it!

Butt-head

Uh...that's not your bike, Beavis.

Beavis

Yeah it is! That's my bike. That dude ripped off my bike!

Butt-head

Uh...did you lock it?

Beavis

Uhh...um, uh, maybe not. These fartknockers ripped off my bike!

Butt-head

Dammit, Beavis, that's not your bike!

Beavis

That's my bike, Butt-head, how do you know?!

Butt-head

Because, Beavis, I stole your bike. It was cool.

Beavis

No way, Butt-head! You didn't steal my bike, you just got a new one last week. It looks just like mine.

Butt-head

Uh...okay, Beavis. You're stupid.

Beavis

Yeah. You know what else, someone else stole five bucks from me last week.

Butt-head

Hey Beavis, since you don't have that bike anymore, can I like, have your lock?

Beavis

Um, I guess.

Butt-head

Uh, I'll give you five bucks for it.

Beavis

Um, okay.

Butt-head

Dumbass.

Beavis

Um, what's wrong with this dude's hair?

Butt-head

Look who's talking, Beavis!

Beavis

What are you talking about, there's nothing wrong with my hair. My hair's cool.

Butt-head

Besides, that's not his hair, Beavis. He's like, wearing some kind of Davy Crockett hat or something.

Beavis

No way, Butt-head, that's his hair!

Butt-head

No it's not, Beavis! It's, like, a squirrel or something.

Beavis

Oh. Oh yeah.

Beavis

Whoa, check it out, Butt-head, they got Crocodile Dundee in the band!

Butt-head

Uh, it's pronounced "Dundee," Beavis.

Beavis

Oh yeah. I didn't know he played.

Butt-head

Yeah. He jams with Midnight Oil sometimes.

Beavis

Oh, really? He sounds better with these guys. I'm glad to see he hooked up with a good band. Yeah.

Butt-head

This dude's, like, getting on my nerves. It's like, quit wiggling around and get me some gas!

Beavis

Yeah, really! And check the oil, dammit!

Butt-head

Yeah! And wash my windows, buttknocker!

Beavis

Don't call him that, Butt-head.

Butt-head

Why not, buttknocker?

Beavis

Dammit, Butt-head, don't call me that, I told you that before! And don't call him that, either.

Beavis

Whoa, look, he's choking his chicken!

Butt-head

Settle down, Brian!

Beavis

Yeah. That was pretty cool. Hey, Butt-head. I might get a guitar. Yeah.

Butt-head

Yeah! Then in the morning, you could like, just say, "Uh, I'm practicing."

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. "I'm wack-tising." Yeah.

Butt-head

Whoa!

Beavis

Yeah.

Butt-head

This is horrible!

Beavis

Yeah, really. Bunch of rich kid sissy boys prancing around on a boat.

Butt-head

Yeah.

Beavis

Is this, like, Jeopardy?

Butt-head

Yeah. Uh, I'll take "Stuff That Sucks" for 500, Alex.

Beavis

Yeah. What is John Cougar Mellencamp?

Butt-head

You're supposed to form your question in the phrase of an answer.

Beavis

Oh yeah.

Butt-head

You are now discolorfied.

Butt-head

Whoa! It's that dude who likes all those prostitutes!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah.

Butt-head

Check this out, Beavis. [imitating Jimmy Swaggart] "I have sinned against you!" That was cool!

Butt-head

Is this CNN?

Beavis

Yeah. How come they never show reruns on the news?

Butt-head

They do! That's why it sucks! Every time you see something, it's already happened.

Beavis

Yeah. That would be cool if, like, there was an explosion, and they would tell you where it's gonna happen so you could go check it out.

Butt-head

Yeah! That would be great!

Butt-head

Skateboards are cool.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. Like, I was skateboarding down a hill once, and I like, hit this rock, and it stopped my skateboard, only I kept going, so I landed on my stomach, and I kept, like, sliding, like, for a hundred feet, and I scraped up my entire body--

Butt-head

What are you talking about, Beavis? You've never skateboarded in your life!

Beavis

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Sorry about that. But - but like, anyways, s - so like, when I stood up, I had all this blood all over me, and like, these kids were watching, and like, that's when I knew skateboarding was cool.

Butt-head

You liar!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. Lying is cool.

Butt-head

Yeah.

Butt-head

Ugh!

Beavis

YES! YES!

Butt-head

You know, like, this band sucks. But it's like, they suck, like, in new ways, you know?

Beavis

Yeah.

Butt-head

Like, they suck in ways we haven't, like, seen stuff suck before. So it's, like, pretty cool.

Beavis

Yeah. It's like, a lot of bands suck, but then like, these guys, like, suck, like, in their own way.

Butt-head

Yeah!

Beavis

So it's like, it's like, pretty cool because, like, stuff sucks, but it's like, it sucks, like, in a different way.

Butt-head

Yeah. But like, what I was trying to say, is like, they suck.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.