Smart Butt-head quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Beavis

Uh...come on, Butt-head, change it, I think this is that music factory thing again.

Butt-head

Uhh...no it's not. I think it rocks later.

Beavis

Whoa! Is this White Zombie?

Butt-head

Uhh...might as well be.

Beavis

What-- Marcus Welby, what...

Butt-head

Every time you see a dude like this in a video with a suit on and sunglasses, it means he bad.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. I think that's that guy from that commercial for the Institute of Entertainment Arts. Check this out. "Behind every rock band is an elite group of professionals that make the show happen!"

Butt-head

Oh yeah.

Beavis

Um, I was thinking of signing up for that, you know. I bet I could score.

Butt-head

Beavis, you could own the whole arena, and you wouldn't score.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head. I bet I could score if I had one of those cellular phones. Yeah.

Butt-head

Uhh, maybe. But you're never gonna get one of those.

Beavis

Um, well, I can get a fake one. I'd be like, "Okay, we'll have the band over there, we'll be right over, okay." Yeah.

Butt-head

Uh...what happened to Axl?

Beavis

Yeah yeah, really. These guys were probably, like, "Okay, Axl. I'm gonna give you one more chance, but if you wear another skirt on stage, you're out of the band."

Butt-head

Yeah! And then this guy came along, and he was, like, "Well, okay, I won't wear a skirt, but uh, can I like, at least wear tights?"

Beavis

Yeah. And they were, like, "Hmm, tights. Well, okay, yeah yeah, go - go ahead and wear tights. Just don't wear any high heels or anything."

Beavis

Um...who is this guy? This guy looks familiar.

Butt-head

Uh, he kinda looks like that little four-year-old down the street.

Beavis

Yeah, that little kid who's always going, like, "It's my football! Give it back! I'm gonna go back to my house!"

Butt-head

Yeah! Remember that time he shoved his Power Rangers up your butt?

Beavis

Really? Cool.

Butt-head

Uh, I heard that kid might have the same dad as you.

Beavis

No way, really? Cool. Yeah.

Butt-head

You know who else this guy looks like? He looks like that dude that's always stomping us on the way to school and making us give him money.

Beavis

Oh yeah, yeah. He's like, "You got some money? All the money I find on you is mine!"

Butt-head

Yeah. Remember that day he stomped your ass 'cause you only had a dime?

Beavis

Oh yeah, yeah.

Beavis

Check this out, Butt-head. "You could be saving money on long distance calls to family and friends."

Butt-head

Yeah. "They keep talking about big savings, but I just don't see it."

Butt-head

This guy looks like a mass murderer.

Beavis

Yeah. He looks kinda like you.

Butt-head

This guy's supposed to be better than The Beatles and Elvis.

Beavis

Yeah. He's not as cool as Metallica, though.

Butt-head

This dude sounds like he was neutered!

Beavis

Yeah.

Butt-head

This is Satanic country music.

Beavis

Yeah. I feel like killing myself.

Butt-head

It is in these hills that Juan Valdez and his trusty goat gather coffee beans every morning.

Beavis

Yeah.

Beavis

Look at that guy's face!

Butt-head

Yeah. I can make a face like that, check this out. [opens his mouth]

Beavis

Um...that wasn't very good, Butt-head. [a woman frying a fish has a broad grin on her face] AAHHHHH! AAH!

Butt-head

Whoa!

Beavis

Th - that was scary, man.

Butt-head

Yeah. That scared the bejesus out of me.

Beavis

Yeah.

Beavis

Aaawwwwww!

Butt-head

Yeah. Aaawwwwww.

I'm lookin' California...

Butt-head

Whoa! Seattle kicks ass!

Beavis

Yeah. Is everybody in Seattle cool?

Butt-head

Yeah. If you go to Seattle, anybody you see is cool. We should go, dude.

Beavis

Yeah. Yeah.

Butt-head

Boy, this music sucks.

Beavis

Um...what music? Oh, oh yeah! So like, um, what is this "two of hearts" crap?

Butt-head

You know, like, when you're playing poker.

Beavis

Uh, oh yeah. Yeah. I'm familiar with that game, yeah.

Butt-head

When I see this chick, there's a full house in my pants.

Beavis

Oh yeah. I have a straight! [changes channel]