Mrs. Beady quotes from Back at the Barnyard

Officer, thank goodness you're here!

Alright, hands in the air, speed racer!

But... this wasn't my fault. It was the talking barn animals.

Just calm down, sir! [speaking into his P.A.] Yeah, Gertie, I got another guest for the hoo-hoo house. Yeah, huh-huh. Real bag of pistachios. [walks up to Mrs. Beady] Okay, lady. Let's you and me take a little trip.

I'm telling you, there were barn animals in my back seat!

[guides Mrs. Beady to his car] Yeah, yeah, tell everything to the nice ice cream men.

What?! I don't like ice cream! Take your strong, firm hands off me! I want a lawyer!

There it is, viewers. Barn animals walking upright and talking trash.

The rooster and the ferret are best friends, Goraldo, the girl cow's kinda fresh if you ask me, and don't get me started on the wisecracking mouse.

By my lush and corpulent mustache, this is astounding!

[stammering] There were talking animals on that tape, I swear.

That's what they do, Goraldo. They spin their little webs and make you look like the crazy one.

[hysterical] Ladies and gentlemen, you have to believe me!

Otis

Well, it appears that Goraldo's lack of talent has finally bitten him in the face like a poisonous snake of failure.

Th-the cow is their leader! There's a wisecracking mouse! The ferret and the rooster live together!

[at the door with two asylum officers] He's over there.

[the asylum officers take him away] I'm not insane! The talking animals are here! THEY'RE HERE!

Otis

Well, there you have it, folks. A mustache, a dancy-pants lady, and a broken dream. This has been Hard Time with Gil O'Whatever-I-Said-Before. Good night, wishing you hugs and chocolate.

Wait just a minute. That ringmaster is a cow!

Easy, lady. You ain't no supermodel yourself.

Snotty Boy

Hi, uncle. You readin' the paper?

[to himself] Don't move. They can't see you if you don't move.

Snotty Boy

[steals Mr. Beady's newspaper] Huh? How's this page? [rips up Mr. Beady's newspaper] Is this a good article? How about this one? Heh? [sees a ship in a bottle next to the TV] Ohhhh! [picks up the bottle] Are you building a ship?

[frantic] No! That took me three days--

Snotty Boy

Tidal wave! [drops the bottle, and it shatters]

[groans]

Snotty Boy

You're boring! They should call you Mr. Boring! I'm gonna go play with the animals next door, Mr. Boring!

Okay, I got your drinks--[Snotty Boy has left; to Mr. Beady] What did you say to him?!

Aww...

Did I hear someone at the door?

Pig

[blocking the door] No, no! What door? We don't have any doors.

[moves Pig aside] Oh, don't you be such a little silly-willy-billy-dilly-billy. [opens the door]

Snotty Boy

Good afternoon, ma'am. The nice theater troupe man said I'm your nephew.

Sweetums, why are you outside, when you are standing right next to me? [sees Pig] AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

Pig

AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

Snotty Boy

AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

Pig

Auntie Nora, he's clearly an imposter. He's probably one of those talking animals from next door in disguise.

Yes. That's the only explanation. He's not even wearing proper clothes. [to Snotty Boy] Get out of here, you camel or whatever you are. Scoot, or I'll call the police! GET OUT!!! [shuts out Snotty Boy]

Snotty Boy

Sorry to have troubled you! Have a nice day!

They're making a mockery of this show, which embodies all that's great about us as a species!

Lady, your vigilance has saved this show and made you a national hero!

Oh, and that's not all. They're also talking barn animals. They live next door to me and have wild, ritualistic hoedowns all night long!

You had me, and you lost me. SECURITY!

Bigfoot!

Oh, you're mine, buddy. [blows a tranquilizer dart into Otis]

Otis

[groans] Moo. [passes out]

Oh, yeah. Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy now, Bigfoot, huh?!

[investigates Otis] Wait a minute, this isn't Bigfoot! This is a cow dressed up to look like Bigfoot!

A shocking development. Someone has pasted fur on a cow to give him the appearance of Bigfoot! But who would pose such a cheap stunt just to get on TV?

What? No! The cow's in league with him! He can tell you where Bigfoot is!

You're under arrest for Bigfoot fraud!

No, oh, my! [runs away screaming]

Hey! [blows a tranquilizer dart into Mrs. Beady]

[gasps] Oh, pretty colors... [passes out]

[covering her face with steaks] Nathan, those talking animals attacked my face with bees!

That's terrible!

I know!

I was gonna eat them steaks.

We interrupt this program for a special report. Our beloved mayor has been frozen solid. He fell in the water while ice fishing. We're mayorless, people! MAYORLESS!

Nathan, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

That one day, I'll wake up screaming?

No, I'll run for mayor, and sign a decree banning those talking animals from the county... FOREVER!!!

Ned Bovine has nice hair, and can break boards with his head. But did you know that he wants talking barnyard animals to raise your children? Nora Beady will put an end to the talking animal menace once and for all. Her secret police will lock them in circus cages and send them back to Monster Island where they belong.

I'm Nora Beady, and I'll get tough with talking animals. And I'll make you fudge!

Otis

Lies! All lies!

Pip

Dude, you need to take this fight into the gutter!

Abby

Don't do it, Otis. Don't sink to her level.

Otis

Don't worry, Abby. I won't. I'm going to go even lower!

Pip

That's my cow!

Otis

Nora Beady, your crazy eyes and ridiculous hair is not what the voters need. Why is it you can't understand this? Well, maybe it's because... YOU'RE NOT OF THIS EARTH! That's right. Nora Beady is an alien spawn from the volcanic netherworld of Planet Zorn, with mind-control fudge to harvest your precious human organs. It's time you tell the truth, Nora, or should I say... Mobile Flesh Unit Zelgrab X81?!

Pip

Paid for by the committee to crush Mrs. Beady like the alien spawn she is.

Good people, something urgent has just come to my attention. I just discovered that my opponent, Ned Bovine, is a--

Otis

[coughs] Nutjob.

[scoffs] As I was saying...

Otis

[coughs louder]

Give me a break. You know what?

Otis

[cuckoo finger-twirl gesture] Whoooooo!

[louder] My opponent is a--

Otis

[blows raspberry]

[stammers]

Otis

[gargling water]

He's not a human being.

Otis

[noisily eating chips]

HE'S A TALKING ANIMAL!!!

[spying on the farm animals at the Clam Hut] Nathan, I think those are those talking barn animals from the farm next door.

Do not talk. Please do not talk.

[picks up Pip and shows him to the waiter] Could a real human ever be this tiny?!

My cousin Lupe is half that height!

[interrupting Snotty Boy from shooting earwax at the farm animals] Eugene!

Snotty Boy

[irritated] I'm... BUSY!!!

[talking through a megaphone] Come home! I have a wonderful surprise for you!

Snotty Boy

A surprise? I like surprises. [chuckles] You're lucky, cow.

EUGENE!

Snotty Boy

[storms off] I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME!

Otis

Alright, is everyone okay?

Peck

Sorry, I can't hear you. I have wax in my ears, AND IT'S NOT MINE!

Pip

I hate that kid!

Abby

He's inhuman!

Freddy

He's not of this earth!

Pig

He's a monster!

Peck

[can't hear] What?

Otis

I don't like the sound of this "big surprise".

Freddy

I don't like the sound of vacuums!

Pip

You're not bright.

Snotty Boy

Auntie Nora, save me!

Huh? BERNARD!

Otis

[grabs Mrs Beady's camera] Yoink.

Take your hands off my little yum-yum man!

Auntie, it's not what you think! I found him like this! Tell her, Eugene! Tell her I found you like-- Aaahhh!

[to Phlegmy Boy] I'm sending you back to your mother and father, and you're never coming here again! [yells in a deep voice] EVER!!!!

[as Mrs. Beady drags him away by his ear] I'll be back, Eugene. And I'm gonna eat your silly-billy skull!